Two rednecks decided they weren't going anywhere in life, and thought they should go to college to get ahead.
The first redneck went in to see the counselor, who told him to take Math, History, and Logic.
"What's Logic?" the first redneck asked. The professor answered by saying, "Let me give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?" "I sure do." said the first redneck.
"Then I can assume, using logic, that you have a yard," replied the professor.
"That's real good!" said the redneck.
The professor continued, "Logic will also tell me that since you have a yard, you also own a house."
Impressed, the redneck said, "Amazin!"
"And since you own a house, logic dictates that you have a wife," continued the professor.
"That's Betty Mae! This is incredible!" The redneck is obviously catching on.
"Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume that you are heterosexual," said the professor.
"You're absolutely right!" exclaimed the redneck. Why that's the most fascinatin' thing I ever heard! I cain't wait to take that logic class!!"
The redneck, proud of the new world opening up to him, walked back into the hallway, where his friend was still waiting.
"So what classes are ya takin'?" asked the friend.
"Math, History, and Logic!" replied the first redneck.
"What in tarnation is logic???" asked his friend.
"Let me give you an example. Do ya own a weed eater?" asked the first redneck.
"No," his friend replied.
"You're QUEER, ain't ya?"
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Quotes
"Beauty is in the eye of the beerholder." --Anonymous bumper sticker
Deep Thought: Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver." --by Jack Handy
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. --Frank Sinatra
The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober. --William Butler Yeats
An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools. --Ernest Hemingway
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut. --Ernest Hemingway
Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time. --Catherine Zandonella
Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. --Ambrose Bierce
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol. --Anonymous
Drinking provides a beautiful excuse to pursue the one activity that truly gives me pleasure, hooking up with fat, hairy girls. --Ross Levy
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her. --W.C. Fields
What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch? --W.C. Fields
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. --Henny Youngman
Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life. --Michelle Mastrolacasa
I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy. --Tom Waits
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case; Coincidence? --Stephen Wright
When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven! --Brian O'Rourke
You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer. --Frank Zappa
Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. --Winston Churchill
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. --Benjamin Franklin
If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose. --Deep Thought, Jack Handy
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza. --Dave Barry
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind. --Humphrey Bogart
Why is American beer served cold? So you can distinguish it from urine. --David Moulton
Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world. --Kaiser Wilhelm
I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet, tasty beer. --Homer Simpson
Not all chemicals are bad. With out chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. --Dave Barry
All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer. --Homer Simpson
Deep Thought: Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver." --by Jack Handy
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. --Frank Sinatra
The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober. --William Butler Yeats
An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools. --Ernest Hemingway
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut. --Ernest Hemingway
Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time. --Catherine Zandonella
Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. --Ambrose Bierce
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol. --Anonymous
Drinking provides a beautiful excuse to pursue the one activity that truly gives me pleasure, hooking up with fat, hairy girls. --Ross Levy
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her. --W.C. Fields
What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch? --W.C. Fields
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. --Henny Youngman
Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life. --Michelle Mastrolacasa
I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy. --Tom Waits
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case; Coincidence? --Stephen Wright
When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven! --Brian O'Rourke
You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer. --Frank Zappa
Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. --Winston Churchill
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. --Benjamin Franklin
If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose. --Deep Thought, Jack Handy
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza. --Dave Barry
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind. --Humphrey Bogart
Why is American beer served cold? So you can distinguish it from urine. --David Moulton
Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world. --Kaiser Wilhelm
I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet, tasty beer. --Homer Simpson
Not all chemicals are bad. With out chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. --Dave Barry
All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer. --Homer Simpson
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Redneck
Things Never Said By a Redneck...
1. Oh I just couldn't. Hell, she's only sixteen.
2. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
3. Duct tape won't fix that.
4. Lisa Marie was lucky to catch Michael.
5. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.
6. We don't keep firearms in this house.
7. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?
8. You can't feed that to the dog.
9. I thought Graceland was tacky.
10. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.
1. Oh I just couldn't. Hell, she's only sixteen.
2. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
3. Duct tape won't fix that.
4. Lisa Marie was lucky to catch Michael.
5. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.
6. We don't keep firearms in this house.
7. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?
8. You can't feed that to the dog.
9. I thought Graceland was tacky.
10. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Bumper Stickers
See any good bumper stickers lately? Here are some you may have seen around...
* Driver Carrys no cash - He's Married
* Horn broken. Watch for finger.
* Keep honking...I'm reloading.
* Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot.
* All generalizations are false.
* Cover me. I'm changing lanes.
* I brake for no apparent reason.
* Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control.
* I'm not as think as you drunk I am.
* Forget about World Peace...Visualize using your turn signal.
* We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart?
* He who laughs last thinks slowest.
* I love cats...they taste just like chicken.
* Rehab is for quitters.
* I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
* Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep.
* Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician.
* I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
* Sorry, I don't date outside my species.
* No radio - Already stolen.
* OK, who stopped payment on my reality check?
* Few women admit their age; Fewer men act it.
* It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
* A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
* Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
* Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot.
* Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
* There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.
* Caution: I drive like you do.
* Driver Carrys no cash - He's Married
* Horn broken. Watch for finger.
* Keep honking...I'm reloading.
* Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot.
* All generalizations are false.
* Cover me. I'm changing lanes.
* I brake for no apparent reason.
* Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control.
* I'm not as think as you drunk I am.
* Forget about World Peace...Visualize using your turn signal.
* We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart?
* He who laughs last thinks slowest.
* I love cats...they taste just like chicken.
* Rehab is for quitters.
* I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
* Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep.
* Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician.
* I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
* Sorry, I don't date outside my species.
* No radio - Already stolen.
* OK, who stopped payment on my reality check?
* Few women admit their age; Fewer men act it.
* It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
* A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
* Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
* Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot.
* Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
* There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.
* Caution: I drive like you do.
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Blonde Joke
A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch some sleep.
The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vice versa."
Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00."
This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.
The lawyer asks the first question : "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer.
"Okay" says the lawyer, your turn.
She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"
The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and co-workers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.00. The blonde says, "Thank you !" and turns back to get some more sleep.
The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks: "Well, what's the answer?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.
The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vice versa."
Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00."
This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.
The lawyer asks the first question : "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer.
"Okay" says the lawyer, your turn.
She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"
The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and co-workers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.00. The blonde says, "Thank you !" and turns back to get some more sleep.
The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks: "Well, what's the answer?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.
Sunday, December 11, 2011
10 Commandements of a Teenager!!!
1) Thou shall not sneek out when parents are sleeping. (why wait?)
2) Thou shall not do drugz (alcohol last longer)
3) Thou shall not steel from k-mart. (Wal*Mart has a bigger selection)
4) Thou shall not get arrested for vandalism. (destruction has a bigger effect)
5) Thou shall not steel from thy parents. (every-1 knows grandma has more money)
6) Thou shall not get in fights. (just start them)
7) Thou shall not skip class. (just take the whole day off)
8) Thou shall not strip in class. (hooters pays more)
9) Thou shall not think about having sex. (as nike sayz just do it)
10) Thou shall not help old ladies cross the street. (just leave them in the middle)
2) Thou shall not do drugz (alcohol last longer)
3) Thou shall not steel from k-mart. (Wal*Mart has a bigger selection)
4) Thou shall not get arrested for vandalism. (destruction has a bigger effect)
5) Thou shall not steel from thy parents. (every-1 knows grandma has more money)
6) Thou shall not get in fights. (just start them)
7) Thou shall not skip class. (just take the whole day off)
8) Thou shall not strip in class. (hooters pays more)
9) Thou shall not think about having sex. (as nike sayz just do it)
10) Thou shall not help old ladies cross the street. (just leave them in the middle)
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Quick Jokes
Q. Did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?
A. He's all right now.
Q. Did you hear about the man who was tap dancing?
A. He broke his ankle when he fell into the sink.
Q. What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A. A nervous wreck.
Q. What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
A. Anyone can roast beef.
Q. Where do you find a no legged dog?
A. Right where you left him.
Q. Where do you get virgin wool from?
A. Ugly sheep.
Q. Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
A. They're trying to get away from the noise.
Q. What does Star Trek and toilet paper have in common?
A. They both circle Uranus looking for Black Holes.
Q. How do you double the value of a Geo Metro?
A. Fill it with gas.
Q. What's the definition of mixed emotions?
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.
Q. Why do chicken coops have two doors?
A. Because if it had four doors it's be a chicken sedan.
You should always give 100% at work...
12% Monday; 23% Tuesday; 40% Wednesday; 20% Thursday; 5% Friday
Q. What do you call a cow with no legs?
A. Ground beef.
Q. What's the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer?
A. The taste!
Q. Did you hear about the new "divorced" Barbie doll that they're selling in stores now?
A. It comes with all of Ken's stuff.
Q. What does a skeleton get when he goes to a bar?
A. A beer and a mop.
Q. What do you call Maoris on Prozac?
A. Once were worriers.
Q. What's a hindu?
A. Lays eggs.
Q. How many men does it take to wallpaper a room?
A. About two - if they're thinly sliced.
Q. What do you call a man with no arms or legs that can swim across a pool?
A. Clever Dick
Q. What's the difference between a porcupine and a Porsche?
A. The porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
Q. How many ears did Davy Crockett have?
A. Three - his left ear, his right ear, and his wild front ear.
Q. Did you hear about the blind man who went bungee jumping?
A. He loved it, but it scared the hell out of his dog.
Q. Why did the leper crash his car?
A. He left his foot on the accelerator.
Q. What do you do if you come across a tiger in the jungle?
A. Wipe him off, apologize and RUN!
Q. What do you do if an elephant comes through your window?
A. Swim!
Q. Why did the koala fall out of the tree?
A. Because it was dead.
Q. Why did the Leper go back into the shower?
A. He forgot his Head and Shoulders.
Q. What do you get when a Leper takes a bath?
A. Soup.
Q. Why did the ref call a penalty during the Leper Hockey game?
A. Because there was a face off in the corner.
Q. What's a Lepers favorite sport?
A. Football.
Q. What is Osama bin Laden's idea of safe sex?
A. Marking the camels that kick.
Q. What should Kabul get for its air defense system?
A. A refund.
Q. Why did the tree fall down?
A. The koala forgot to let go.
Q. How many male chauvinist pigs does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None, let the bitch cook in the dark.
Q. What do you do if a bird shits on your car?
A. Don't ask her out again.
Q. What do you call 100 men at the bottom of the ocean?
A. A good start.
Q. What's the difference between a woman and a computer?
A. A computer only needs the information punched into it once.
Q. Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
A. Because they taste funny.
Q. What do you call a deer with no eyes?
A. No-Eye Deer. (sound like No Idea)
Q. What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
A. Still no eye deer.
Q. What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, and no sexual organs?
A. Still no fucking eye deer.
Q. Why are women like condoms?
A. They spend 90% of their time in your wallet, and 10% on your dick.
Q. What can a lifesaver do for a woman a man can't?
A. Cum in five different flavours.
Q. Who is the poorest guy in West Virginia?
A. The Tooth Fairy
Q. Did you hear that Fed Ex and UPS are going to merge?
A. Yeah. They're going to call it FED UP!
Q. What's the difference between a car salesman and a computer salesman?
A. The car salesman can probably drive!
Q. Did you hear about the guy who's a dyslexic-bulimic?
A. He eats, and then he sticks his finger up his ass.
Q. What do your boss and a slinky have in common?
A. They're both fun to watch tumble down the stairs.
A. He's all right now.
Q. Did you hear about the man who was tap dancing?
A. He broke his ankle when he fell into the sink.
Q. What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A. A nervous wreck.
Q. What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
A. Anyone can roast beef.
Q. Where do you find a no legged dog?
A. Right where you left him.
Q. Where do you get virgin wool from?
A. Ugly sheep.
Q. Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
A. They're trying to get away from the noise.
Q. What does Star Trek and toilet paper have in common?
A. They both circle Uranus looking for Black Holes.
Q. How do you double the value of a Geo Metro?
A. Fill it with gas.
Q. What's the definition of mixed emotions?
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.
Q. Why do chicken coops have two doors?
A. Because if it had four doors it's be a chicken sedan.
You should always give 100% at work...
12% Monday; 23% Tuesday; 40% Wednesday; 20% Thursday; 5% Friday
Q. What do you call a cow with no legs?
A. Ground beef.
Q. What's the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer?
A. The taste!
Q. Did you hear about the new "divorced" Barbie doll that they're selling in stores now?
A. It comes with all of Ken's stuff.
Q. What does a skeleton get when he goes to a bar?
A. A beer and a mop.
Q. What do you call Maoris on Prozac?
A. Once were worriers.
Q. What's a hindu?
A. Lays eggs.
Q. How many men does it take to wallpaper a room?
A. About two - if they're thinly sliced.
Q. What do you call a man with no arms or legs that can swim across a pool?
A. Clever Dick
Q. What's the difference between a porcupine and a Porsche?
A. The porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
Q. How many ears did Davy Crockett have?
A. Three - his left ear, his right ear, and his wild front ear.
Q. Did you hear about the blind man who went bungee jumping?
A. He loved it, but it scared the hell out of his dog.
Q. Why did the leper crash his car?
A. He left his foot on the accelerator.
Q. What do you do if you come across a tiger in the jungle?
A. Wipe him off, apologize and RUN!
Q. What do you do if an elephant comes through your window?
A. Swim!
Q. Why did the koala fall out of the tree?
A. Because it was dead.
Q. Why did the Leper go back into the shower?
A. He forgot his Head and Shoulders.
Q. What do you get when a Leper takes a bath?
A. Soup.
Q. Why did the ref call a penalty during the Leper Hockey game?
A. Because there was a face off in the corner.
Q. What's a Lepers favorite sport?
A. Football.
Q. What is Osama bin Laden's idea of safe sex?
A. Marking the camels that kick.
Q. What should Kabul get for its air defense system?
A. A refund.
Q. Why did the tree fall down?
A. The koala forgot to let go.
Q. How many male chauvinist pigs does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None, let the bitch cook in the dark.
Q. What do you do if a bird shits on your car?
A. Don't ask her out again.
Q. What do you call 100 men at the bottom of the ocean?
A. A good start.
Q. What's the difference between a woman and a computer?
A. A computer only needs the information punched into it once.
Q. Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
A. Because they taste funny.
Q. What do you call a deer with no eyes?
A. No-Eye Deer. (sound like No Idea)
Q. What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
A. Still no eye deer.
Q. What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, and no sexual organs?
A. Still no fucking eye deer.
Q. Why are women like condoms?
A. They spend 90% of their time in your wallet, and 10% on your dick.
Q. What can a lifesaver do for a woman a man can't?
A. Cum in five different flavours.
Q. Who is the poorest guy in West Virginia?
A. The Tooth Fairy
Q. Did you hear that Fed Ex and UPS are going to merge?
A. Yeah. They're going to call it FED UP!
Q. What's the difference between a car salesman and a computer salesman?
A. The car salesman can probably drive!
Q. Did you hear about the guy who's a dyslexic-bulimic?
A. He eats, and then he sticks his finger up his ass.
Q. What do your boss and a slinky have in common?
A. They're both fun to watch tumble down the stairs.
Sunday, December 4, 2011
101 Ways To Be Annoying
1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."
3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..."
5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen.
7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.
8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub."
10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
12. Sniffle incessantly.
13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
14. Name your dog "Dog."
15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."
18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace."
19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."
20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.
21. Practice making fax and modem noises.
22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.
23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."
26. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."
27. Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.
28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
30. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the
room.
31. Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in a nasal Howard
Cosell voice.
32. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
33. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
34. Drum on every available surface.
35. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
36. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.
37. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.
38. Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.
39. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
40. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
41. Set alarms for random times.
42. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
43. Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.
44. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
45. Honk and wave to strangers.
46. Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange.
47. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
48. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.
49. Wear your pants backwards.
50. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
51. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
52. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
53. only type in lowercase.
54. dont use any punctuation either
55. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
56. Pay for your dinner with pennies.
57. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
58. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
59. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.
60. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ O.J. Simpson conspiracy theories.
61. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
62. Light road flares on a birthday cake.
63. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
64. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
65. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."
66. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
67. When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until
physically restrained.
68. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."
69. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
70. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
71. Pretend your computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
72. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
73. Drive half a block.
74. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
75. Ask people what gender they are.
76. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in
the tray.
77. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.
78. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes."
79. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains, such as "Feliz Navidad," the Archies' "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
80. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
81. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
82. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
83. Change your name to "John Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people
pronounce each "a."
84. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
85. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
86. Wear a LOT of cologne.
87. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."
88. Sing along at the opera.
89. Mow your lawn with scissors.
90. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"
91. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."
92. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
93. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers
in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."
94. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."
95. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
96. Never make eye contact.
97. Never break eye contact.
98. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
99. Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it,
announcing the results.
100. Make appointments for the 31st of September.
101. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."
3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..."
5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen.
7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.
8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub."
10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
12. Sniffle incessantly.
13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
14. Name your dog "Dog."
15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."
18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace."
19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."
20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.
21. Practice making fax and modem noises.
22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.
23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."
26. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."
27. Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.
28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
30. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the
room.
31. Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in a nasal Howard
Cosell voice.
32. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
33. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
34. Drum on every available surface.
35. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
36. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.
37. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.
38. Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.
39. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
40. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
41. Set alarms for random times.
42. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
43. Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.
44. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
45. Honk and wave to strangers.
46. Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange.
47. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
48. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.
49. Wear your pants backwards.
50. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
51. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
52. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
53. only type in lowercase.
54. dont use any punctuation either
55. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
56. Pay for your dinner with pennies.
57. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
58. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
59. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.
60. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ O.J. Simpson conspiracy theories.
61. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
62. Light road flares on a birthday cake.
63. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
64. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
65. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."
66. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
67. When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until
physically restrained.
68. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."
69. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
70. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
71. Pretend your computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
72. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
73. Drive half a block.
74. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
75. Ask people what gender they are.
76. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in
the tray.
77. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.
78. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes."
79. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains, such as "Feliz Navidad," the Archies' "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
80. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
81. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
82. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
83. Change your name to "John Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people
pronounce each "a."
84. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
85. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
86. Wear a LOT of cologne.
87. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."
88. Sing along at the opera.
89. Mow your lawn with scissors.
90. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"
91. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."
92. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
93. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers
in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."
94. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."
95. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
96. Never make eye contact.
97. Never break eye contact.
98. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
99. Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it,
announcing the results.
100. Make appointments for the 31st of September.
101. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Heaven
An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer -- you're in the wrong place." So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in.
Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.
One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?" Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."
God replies, "What???? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake, he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."
Satan says, "No way. I like having a engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."
God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."
Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.
One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?" Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."
God replies, "What???? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake, he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."
Satan says, "No way. I like having a engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."
God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."
Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Coupons
Did you hear about the fellow that was talking to his buddy, and he said " I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I'm stumped".
His buddy said " I have an idea-why don't you make up a certificate saying she can have 60 minutes of great sex, any way she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled".
So the fellow did. The next day his buddy said "Well? Did you take my suggestion?"
"Yes, I did" said the fellow.
"Did she like it?" His buddy asked. "Oh yes! she jumped up , thanked me, kissed me on the forehead and ran out the door, yelling "I'll be back in an hour!!"
His buddy said " I have an idea-why don't you make up a certificate saying she can have 60 minutes of great sex, any way she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled".
So the fellow did. The next day his buddy said "Well? Did you take my suggestion?"
"Yes, I did" said the fellow.
"Did she like it?" His buddy asked. "Oh yes! she jumped up , thanked me, kissed me on the forehead and ran out the door, yelling "I'll be back in an hour!!"
Sunday, November 13, 2011
I'd love to, but . . .
I have to floss my cat.
I've dedicated my life to linguini.
I want to spend more time with my blender.
The President said he might drop in.
The man on television told me to say tuned.
I've been scheduled for a karma transplant.
I'm staying home to work on my cottage cheese sculpture.
It's my parakeet's bowling night.
It wouldn't be fair to the other Beautiful People.
I'm building a pig from a kit.
I did my own thing and now I've got to undo it.
I'm enrolled in aerobic scream therapy.
There's a disturbance in the Force.
I'm doing door-to-door collecting for static cling.
I have to go to the post office to see if I'm still wanted.
I'm teaching my ferret to yodel.
I have to check the freshness dates on my dairy products.
I'm going through cherry cheesecake withdrawl.
I'm planning to go downtown to try on gloves.
My crayons all melted together.
I'm trying to see how long I can go without saying yes.
I'm in training to be a household pest.
I'm getting my overalls overhauled.
My patent is pending.
I'm attending the opening of my garage door.
I'm sandblasting my oven.
I'm worried about my vertical hold.
I'm going down to the bakery to watch the buns rise.
I'm being deported.
The grunion are running.
I'll be looking for a parking space.
My Millard Filmore Fan Club meets then.
The monsters haven't turned blue yet, and I have to eat more dots.
I'm taking punk totem pole carving.
I have to fluff my shower cap.
I'm converting my calendar watch from Julian to Gregorian.
I've come down with a really horrible case of something or other.
I made an appointment with a cuticle specialist.
My plot to take over the world is thickening.
I have to fulfill my potential.
I don't want to leave my comfort zone.
It's too close to the turn of the century.
I have some real hard words to look up in the dictionary.
My subconscious says no.
I'm giving nuisance lessons at a convenience store.
I left my body in my other clothes.
The last time I went, I never came back.
I've got a Friends of Rutabaga meeting.
I have to answer all of my "occupant" letters.
None of my socks match.
I have to be on the next train to Bermuda.
I'm having all my plants neutered.
People are blaming me for the Spanish-American War.
I changed the lock on my door and now I can't get out.
I'm making a home movie called "The Thing That Grew in My Refrigerator."
I'm attending a perfume convention as guest sniffer.
My yucca plant is feeling yucky.
I'm touring China with a wok band.
My chocolate-appreciation class meets that night.
I never go out on days that end in "Y."
My mother would never let me hear the end of it.
I'm running off to Yugoslavia with a foreign-exchange student named Basil Metabolism.
I just picked up a book called "Glue in Many Lands" and I can't put it down.
I'm too old/young for that stuff.
I have to wash/condition/perm/curl/tease/torment my hair.
I have too much guilt.
There are important world issues that need worrying about.
I have to draw "Cubby" for an art scholarship.
I'm uncomfortable when I'm alone or with others.
I promised to help a friend fold road maps.
I feel a song coming on.
I'm trying to be less popular.
My bathroom tiles need grouting.
I have to bleach my hare.
I'm waiting to see if I'm already a winner.
I'm writing a love letter to Richard Simmons.
You know how we psychos are.
My favorite commercial is on TV.
I have to study for a blood test.
I'm going to be old someday.
I've been traded to Cincinnati.
I'm observing National Apathy Week.
I have to rotate my crops.
My uncle escaped again.
I'm up to my elbows in waxy buildup.
I have to knit some dust bunnies for a charity bazaar.
I'm having my baby shoes bronzed.
I have to go to court for kitty littering.
I'm going to count the bristles in my toothbrush.
I have to thaw some karate chops for dinner.
Having fun gives me prickly heat.
I'm going to the Missing Persons Bureau to see if anyone is looking for me.
I have to jog my memory.
My Dress For Obscurity class meets then.
I have to stay home and see if I snore.
I prefer to remain an enigma.
I think you want the OTHER [your name].
I have to sit up with a sick ant.
I'm trying to cut down.
. . . well, maybe.
I've dedicated my life to linguini.
I want to spend more time with my blender.
The President said he might drop in.
The man on television told me to say tuned.
I've been scheduled for a karma transplant.
I'm staying home to work on my cottage cheese sculpture.
It's my parakeet's bowling night.
It wouldn't be fair to the other Beautiful People.
I'm building a pig from a kit.
I did my own thing and now I've got to undo it.
I'm enrolled in aerobic scream therapy.
There's a disturbance in the Force.
I'm doing door-to-door collecting for static cling.
I have to go to the post office to see if I'm still wanted.
I'm teaching my ferret to yodel.
I have to check the freshness dates on my dairy products.
I'm going through cherry cheesecake withdrawl.
I'm planning to go downtown to try on gloves.
My crayons all melted together.
I'm trying to see how long I can go without saying yes.
I'm in training to be a household pest.
I'm getting my overalls overhauled.
My patent is pending.
I'm attending the opening of my garage door.
I'm sandblasting my oven.
I'm worried about my vertical hold.
I'm going down to the bakery to watch the buns rise.
I'm being deported.
The grunion are running.
I'll be looking for a parking space.
My Millard Filmore Fan Club meets then.
The monsters haven't turned blue yet, and I have to eat more dots.
I'm taking punk totem pole carving.
I have to fluff my shower cap.
I'm converting my calendar watch from Julian to Gregorian.
I've come down with a really horrible case of something or other.
I made an appointment with a cuticle specialist.
My plot to take over the world is thickening.
I have to fulfill my potential.
I don't want to leave my comfort zone.
It's too close to the turn of the century.
I have some real hard words to look up in the dictionary.
My subconscious says no.
I'm giving nuisance lessons at a convenience store.
I left my body in my other clothes.
The last time I went, I never came back.
I've got a Friends of Rutabaga meeting.
I have to answer all of my "occupant" letters.
None of my socks match.
I have to be on the next train to Bermuda.
I'm having all my plants neutered.
People are blaming me for the Spanish-American War.
I changed the lock on my door and now I can't get out.
I'm making a home movie called "The Thing That Grew in My Refrigerator."
I'm attending a perfume convention as guest sniffer.
My yucca plant is feeling yucky.
I'm touring China with a wok band.
My chocolate-appreciation class meets that night.
I never go out on days that end in "Y."
My mother would never let me hear the end of it.
I'm running off to Yugoslavia with a foreign-exchange student named Basil Metabolism.
I just picked up a book called "Glue in Many Lands" and I can't put it down.
I'm too old/young for that stuff.
I have to wash/condition/perm/curl/tease/torment my hair.
I have too much guilt.
There are important world issues that need worrying about.
I have to draw "Cubby" for an art scholarship.
I'm uncomfortable when I'm alone or with others.
I promised to help a friend fold road maps.
I feel a song coming on.
I'm trying to be less popular.
My bathroom tiles need grouting.
I have to bleach my hare.
I'm waiting to see if I'm already a winner.
I'm writing a love letter to Richard Simmons.
You know how we psychos are.
My favorite commercial is on TV.
I have to study for a blood test.
I'm going to be old someday.
I've been traded to Cincinnati.
I'm observing National Apathy Week.
I have to rotate my crops.
My uncle escaped again.
I'm up to my elbows in waxy buildup.
I have to knit some dust bunnies for a charity bazaar.
I'm having my baby shoes bronzed.
I have to go to court for kitty littering.
I'm going to count the bristles in my toothbrush.
I have to thaw some karate chops for dinner.
Having fun gives me prickly heat.
I'm going to the Missing Persons Bureau to see if anyone is looking for me.
I have to jog my memory.
My Dress For Obscurity class meets then.
I have to stay home and see if I snore.
I prefer to remain an enigma.
I think you want the OTHER [your name].
I have to sit up with a sick ant.
I'm trying to cut down.
. . . well, maybe.
Friday, November 11, 2011
11/11/11
Come 11 seconds, 11 minutes and 11 hours into tomorrow and clocks (digital, of course) will tick their way through a palindrome - 11:11 on 11/11/11.
Here are 11 facts you need to know about 11/11/11
1) November 11 is the 315th day of the year.
2) There are 50 days remaining until the end of the year.
3) As well as Remembrance Day, the date 11/11/11 is also known as Independence Day in Poland, commemorating the anniversary of the country's assumption of independent statehood in 1918.
4) In China, November 11th is Singles Day - literally translating as "bare sticks holiday", a Hallmark holiday for people living the single life.
5) In Japan however, November 11th is even more gimmicked, known as Pocky Day and Pretz Day. 'Pocky' is a biscuit stick coated with chocolate named after the sound made when it is bitten, while 'Pretz' is also stick-shaped and similar to a pretzel.
6) Notable births on November 11th include: novelist Fyodor Dostoyevsky (1821), actor Robert Ryan (1909), actor Stanley Tucci (1960), actress Demi Moore (1962), actress Calista Flockhart (1964), Leonardo DiCaprio (1974) and reality TV star Chanelle Hayes (1987).
7) Conversely, those having a very bad day indeed include Danish philosopher Søren Kierkegaard (1855), Australian outlaw Ned Kelly (1880) and Palestinian leader and recipient of the Nobel Peace Prize Yasser Arafat (2004), who all died on November 11th.
8) The General Synod of the Church of England voted to allow women to become priests on November 11th in 1992.
9) On November 11th in 1999, Parliamentary history was made as the House of Lords Act was given Royal Assent, restricting membership of the British House of Lords by virtue of a hereditary peerage.
10) A rough day for those that suffer from aibohphobia, though. As the jokey term for the irrational fear of palindromes, the word itself is of course a palindrome.
11) Fanciful Spinal Tap fans have launched a campaign for the day to be recognised as Nigel Tufnel Day, in tribute to comedy film’s lead guitarist who cluelessly – and hilariously – boasted about his amp’s capacity to ‘go up to eleven’.
Read more: http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/weird-world/2011/11/10/11-11-11-11-things-you-need-to-know-about-the-11th-november-2011-115875-23552714/#ixzz1dVAzffdq
Read More
Here are 11 facts you need to know about 11/11/11
1) November 11 is the 315th day of the year.
2) There are 50 days remaining until the end of the year.
3) As well as Remembrance Day, the date 11/11/11 is also known as Independence Day in Poland, commemorating the anniversary of the country's assumption of independent statehood in 1918.
4) In China, November 11th is Singles Day - literally translating as "bare sticks holiday", a Hallmark holiday for people living the single life.
5) In Japan however, November 11th is even more gimmicked, known as Pocky Day and Pretz Day. 'Pocky' is a biscuit stick coated with chocolate named after the sound made when it is bitten, while 'Pretz' is also stick-shaped and similar to a pretzel.
6) Notable births on November 11th include: novelist Fyodor Dostoyevsky (1821), actor Robert Ryan (1909), actor Stanley Tucci (1960), actress Demi Moore (1962), actress Calista Flockhart (1964), Leonardo DiCaprio (1974) and reality TV star Chanelle Hayes (1987).
7) Conversely, those having a very bad day indeed include Danish philosopher Søren Kierkegaard (1855), Australian outlaw Ned Kelly (1880) and Palestinian leader and recipient of the Nobel Peace Prize Yasser Arafat (2004), who all died on November 11th.
8) The General Synod of the Church of England voted to allow women to become priests on November 11th in 1992.
9) On November 11th in 1999, Parliamentary history was made as the House of Lords Act was given Royal Assent, restricting membership of the British House of Lords by virtue of a hereditary peerage.
10) A rough day for those that suffer from aibohphobia, though. As the jokey term for the irrational fear of palindromes, the word itself is of course a palindrome.
11) Fanciful Spinal Tap fans have launched a campaign for the day to be recognised as Nigel Tufnel Day, in tribute to comedy film’s lead guitarist who cluelessly – and hilariously – boasted about his amp’s capacity to ‘go up to eleven’.
Read more: http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/weird-world/2011/11/10/11-11-11-11-things-you-need-to-know-about-the-11th-november-2011-115875-23552714/#ixzz1dVAzffdq
Read More
Sunday, November 6, 2011
101 Fun Things To Do At Wal-Mart
1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
4. Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get to join in.
5. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.
6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.
8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
9. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially thin narrow aisles.
10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares," and see what happens.
11. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to "10".
12. Play with the automatic doors.
13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.
14. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who BUYS this junk, anyway?"
15. Repeat Number 14 in the jewelry department.
16. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're taking it for a "test drive."
17. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.
18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.
19. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow. Magic!"
20. Put M&M's on layaway.
21. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
23. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles.
24. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying,"...I'm Batman. Come, Robin, to the Batcave!"
26. TP as much of the store as possible.
27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.
28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down.
29. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
30. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?"
31. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
32. Take bets on the battle described above.
33. Hold indoor shopping cart races.
34. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission: Impossible."
35. Run up to an employee (preferably a male) while squeezing your legs together and practically yell at him "I need some tampons!!"
36. Try on bras in the sewing/fabric department.
37. Try on bras over top of your clothes.
38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
39. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.
40. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?"
41. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
42. Two words: "Marco Polo."
43. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle, etc.
44. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics.
45. Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the restrooms
46. When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.
47. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.
48. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"
49. Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.
50. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.
51. While walking around the store, sing in your loudest voice possible "sex and candy"
52. Try putting different pairs of women's panties on your head and walk around the store casually.
53. Leave small sacrifices or gifts in the hands of the mannequins.
54. Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
55. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, "Red Rover!"
56. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
57. Set up another battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. G.I. Janes. (Red lipstick might give an interesting effect!!!)
58. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible.
59. While no one's watching quickly switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the rest room.
60. Fill your cart with boxes of condoms, and watch everyone's jaws drop when you attempt to buy them.
61. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look with various funnels.
62. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like "the fat man walks alone," and scare them into believing that the clothes are talking to them
63. While walking around alone, pretend someone is with you and get into a very serious conversation. Ex: The person is breaking up with you and you begin crying "How could you do this to me? I thought you loved me! I knew there was another girl, but I thought I had won. You kissed ME darling." Then act as though you are being beaten and fall onto the ground screaming and having convulsions.
64. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.
65. Get a stuffed animal and go to the front of the store and begin stroking it lovingly, saying "Good girl, good bessie."
66. Go over to the shoe department and try on every pair of shoes, not putiing one pair back. Take the paper from the boxes and throw it in various aisles.
67. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
68. In the makeup department, spray yourself with every perfume there is, then walk up to a boy who is with another girl and start flirting with him in that annoying, ditsy way. "hi!!!! (giggle) What's your sign?(giggle)." When the boy shows no interest, start hitting on the girl the exact same way. "hi!!!! (giggle) What's your sign?(giggle)."
69. Get boxes of Condoms and randomly put them in peoples carts when they don't realize it!
70. Walk around the perfume department with a bottle of super strong perfume and spray people as they walk by. Lean in and sniff them then jump back and wave your hand in front of your nose and saying "Oh god, your over powering the perfume!!"
71. Hit on the elderly.
72. Hit on 5 year olds.
73. In the food aisle, pretend like there's a little bug, slowly move your head to the right, then swing your head to the left as if your trying to follow it. Slowly lower your head to the ground, then start spinning around in circles stomping like
crazy. Then finally yell out "Yes!!! I got it!!! Wow, that was the biggest Cockrouch I've ever seen, i think it was pregnant!!! Hey look, there's another one!!!" Then Repeat.
74. Repeat 73 with a can of bug spray.
75. Crawl around on the ground and pretend that your a cat. Meow when people walk by, rub up against their legs, etc.
76. Ride around on those electric cars and pretend that your a prissy English Man. Say things like "Cheerio, good man." to people who walk by. And don't forget to have perfect posture.
77. Start grunting like Beavis and Butthead while chasing your friends up and down aisles trying to run over them with those electric cars. Make sure to tell your friends to act like they don't know you.
78. Spend all your money riding on those little rides for toddlers. Fit the character; if your on a hoarse, then pretend that your a cowboy, etc.. And If a little kid comes over wanting to use it, start barking at them until they run away crying.
79. Have silly string fights with a friend. Hide behind customers and "accidentally" hit the people instead of your friend.
80. Excesively use anything thing that says "Try Me".
81. Start pocketing any and all free samples.
82. Draw mustaches on all the pictures and mannequins.
82. Walk up to the customer service and when they say "Hello, how may I help you?" say "Yes, I'll have a Quarter Pounder with cheese, one strawberry shake, a large order of french fries and a diet coke." And when they start to talk, say "Oh, to go". Then when they say that they can't give it to you say "Oh, This is because I'm gay isn't it? I'd expect this from Caldors, but not Walmart. People who are gay are just like everyone else your know. You digust me" Then walk away mumbling to yourself. If your a guy, try to act as valley- girl- like as you can
83. Start to madly scratch yourself and walk up to people asking where the rash cream is because your family and all your friends seem to have a rash too.
84. When your alone, have loud conversations with your "multiple personalities". Have an English man, a Southern person, someone from New York, a Grandma, and a 5 year old girl all at the same time. You have to use accents. They should sound like this: "Great idea good fellow, we shall have a jolly good time.(English)" "Look, oall I wanna do, is wok ta Stawbucks and git a cawfee(New York)" Etc.
85. Start "dancing" like mad. Basically, just wail your arms and legs around like your having some kind of massive seizure.
86. Try on crazy costumes and walk casually through the store.
87. Stick your arm in your jacket and suspiciously start to leave the store. Get really tense and start to lean over as your walking through the doors As if your suspecting the alarms to go off. Then when it doesn't go off, let out a big sigh. Then quickly look around you to see who's watching and run away as fast as your can.
88. Balance EVERYTHING you see on the tips of your finger, your nose, your forehead, and the top of your head while singing the circus song.
89. Put jockstraps in the lingerie department
90. Put lingerie in the men's department.
91. Put super sexy lingerie in old men's carts when they turn around.
92. When your alone, start screaming help and yelling that someone istrying to rape you. Then when everyone runs over, start crying and saying "All I ever wanted was a little attention" Then run away crying.
93. Spend hours staring at a little blinking light. After a while, start saying blink everytime it blinks. Don't look away, just stay mesmerized.
94. Walk up to a lady and calmly say "Help me. The voices in my head are telling me to do naughty things." Then clap your hands over your ears, fly yell head around and start screaming "NO!!! I DON'T WANT TO HURT THE NICE LADY NO NO NO NO!!!!" Then suddenly stop, look her straight in the eyes, and Calmly say "I...will start...a fire..." The pull out a zippo and start laughing hysterically in an evil way. But don't light the zippo, just hold it closed.
95. Light a match under a spinkler.
96. Walk up to someone and say "Oh, so your back for more. I warned you never to come back here. Wait here while i go get my shot gun". Then walk away.
97. Walk up to a guy and say "Oh my god, is it you? Oh my god it is!!! I haven't seen you in so long!!!!" Then kiss him. Then slap and him say "Why didn't you ever call me??" Then walk away. Much more affective if you're a guy.
98. Stand next to a maniquin and pretend that your a mannequin. Try to hold the same position for as long as possible. Then finally as someone is walking by, check your
watch and say. "Finally, my shift is done. I really don't get paid enough to do this"
99. Start singing oldies songs in to megaphone.
100. Act like your about to cry and ask people "Have you seen
my mommy?"
101. Steal a Walmart shirt. The possibilities are endless.
BONUS* Attempt all of the above during the same visit.
2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
4. Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get to join in.
5. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.
6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.
8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
9. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially thin narrow aisles.
10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares," and see what happens.
11. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to "10".
12. Play with the automatic doors.
13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.
14. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who BUYS this junk, anyway?"
15. Repeat Number 14 in the jewelry department.
16. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're taking it for a "test drive."
17. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.
18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.
19. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow. Magic!"
20. Put M&M's on layaway.
21. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
23. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles.
24. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying,"...I'm Batman. Come, Robin, to the Batcave!"
26. TP as much of the store as possible.
27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.
28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down.
29. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
30. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?"
31. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
32. Take bets on the battle described above.
33. Hold indoor shopping cart races.
34. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission: Impossible."
35. Run up to an employee (preferably a male) while squeezing your legs together and practically yell at him "I need some tampons!!"
36. Try on bras in the sewing/fabric department.
37. Try on bras over top of your clothes.
38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
39. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.
40. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?"
41. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
42. Two words: "Marco Polo."
43. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle, etc.
44. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics.
45. Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the restrooms
46. When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.
47. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.
48. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"
49. Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.
50. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.
51. While walking around the store, sing in your loudest voice possible "sex and candy"
52. Try putting different pairs of women's panties on your head and walk around the store casually.
53. Leave small sacrifices or gifts in the hands of the mannequins.
54. Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
55. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, "Red Rover!"
56. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
57. Set up another battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. G.I. Janes. (Red lipstick might give an interesting effect!!!)
58. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible.
59. While no one's watching quickly switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the rest room.
60. Fill your cart with boxes of condoms, and watch everyone's jaws drop when you attempt to buy them.
61. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look with various funnels.
62. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like "the fat man walks alone," and scare them into believing that the clothes are talking to them
63. While walking around alone, pretend someone is with you and get into a very serious conversation. Ex: The person is breaking up with you and you begin crying "How could you do this to me? I thought you loved me! I knew there was another girl, but I thought I had won. You kissed ME darling." Then act as though you are being beaten and fall onto the ground screaming and having convulsions.
64. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.
65. Get a stuffed animal and go to the front of the store and begin stroking it lovingly, saying "Good girl, good bessie."
66. Go over to the shoe department and try on every pair of shoes, not putiing one pair back. Take the paper from the boxes and throw it in various aisles.
67. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
68. In the makeup department, spray yourself with every perfume there is, then walk up to a boy who is with another girl and start flirting with him in that annoying, ditsy way. "hi!!!! (giggle) What's your sign?(giggle)." When the boy shows no interest, start hitting on the girl the exact same way. "hi!!!! (giggle) What's your sign?(giggle)."
69. Get boxes of Condoms and randomly put them in peoples carts when they don't realize it!
70. Walk around the perfume department with a bottle of super strong perfume and spray people as they walk by. Lean in and sniff them then jump back and wave your hand in front of your nose and saying "Oh god, your over powering the perfume!!"
71. Hit on the elderly.
72. Hit on 5 year olds.
73. In the food aisle, pretend like there's a little bug, slowly move your head to the right, then swing your head to the left as if your trying to follow it. Slowly lower your head to the ground, then start spinning around in circles stomping like
crazy. Then finally yell out "Yes!!! I got it!!! Wow, that was the biggest Cockrouch I've ever seen, i think it was pregnant!!! Hey look, there's another one!!!" Then Repeat.
74. Repeat 73 with a can of bug spray.
75. Crawl around on the ground and pretend that your a cat. Meow when people walk by, rub up against their legs, etc.
76. Ride around on those electric cars and pretend that your a prissy English Man. Say things like "Cheerio, good man." to people who walk by. And don't forget to have perfect posture.
77. Start grunting like Beavis and Butthead while chasing your friends up and down aisles trying to run over them with those electric cars. Make sure to tell your friends to act like they don't know you.
78. Spend all your money riding on those little rides for toddlers. Fit the character; if your on a hoarse, then pretend that your a cowboy, etc.. And If a little kid comes over wanting to use it, start barking at them until they run away crying.
79. Have silly string fights with a friend. Hide behind customers and "accidentally" hit the people instead of your friend.
80. Excesively use anything thing that says "Try Me".
81. Start pocketing any and all free samples.
82. Draw mustaches on all the pictures and mannequins.
82. Walk up to the customer service and when they say "Hello, how may I help you?" say "Yes, I'll have a Quarter Pounder with cheese, one strawberry shake, a large order of french fries and a diet coke." And when they start to talk, say "Oh, to go". Then when they say that they can't give it to you say "Oh, This is because I'm gay isn't it? I'd expect this from Caldors, but not Walmart. People who are gay are just like everyone else your know. You digust me" Then walk away mumbling to yourself. If your a guy, try to act as valley- girl- like as you can
83. Start to madly scratch yourself and walk up to people asking where the rash cream is because your family and all your friends seem to have a rash too.
84. When your alone, have loud conversations with your "multiple personalities". Have an English man, a Southern person, someone from New York, a Grandma, and a 5 year old girl all at the same time. You have to use accents. They should sound like this: "Great idea good fellow, we shall have a jolly good time.(English)" "Look, oall I wanna do, is wok ta Stawbucks and git a cawfee(New York)" Etc.
85. Start "dancing" like mad. Basically, just wail your arms and legs around like your having some kind of massive seizure.
86. Try on crazy costumes and walk casually through the store.
87. Stick your arm in your jacket and suspiciously start to leave the store. Get really tense and start to lean over as your walking through the doors As if your suspecting the alarms to go off. Then when it doesn't go off, let out a big sigh. Then quickly look around you to see who's watching and run away as fast as your can.
88. Balance EVERYTHING you see on the tips of your finger, your nose, your forehead, and the top of your head while singing the circus song.
89. Put jockstraps in the lingerie department
90. Put lingerie in the men's department.
91. Put super sexy lingerie in old men's carts when they turn around.
92. When your alone, start screaming help and yelling that someone istrying to rape you. Then when everyone runs over, start crying and saying "All I ever wanted was a little attention" Then run away crying.
93. Spend hours staring at a little blinking light. After a while, start saying blink everytime it blinks. Don't look away, just stay mesmerized.
94. Walk up to a lady and calmly say "Help me. The voices in my head are telling me to do naughty things." Then clap your hands over your ears, fly yell head around and start screaming "NO!!! I DON'T WANT TO HURT THE NICE LADY NO NO NO NO!!!!" Then suddenly stop, look her straight in the eyes, and Calmly say "I...will start...a fire..." The pull out a zippo and start laughing hysterically in an evil way. But don't light the zippo, just hold it closed.
95. Light a match under a spinkler.
96. Walk up to someone and say "Oh, so your back for more. I warned you never to come back here. Wait here while i go get my shot gun". Then walk away.
97. Walk up to a guy and say "Oh my god, is it you? Oh my god it is!!! I haven't seen you in so long!!!!" Then kiss him. Then slap and him say "Why didn't you ever call me??" Then walk away. Much more affective if you're a guy.
98. Stand next to a maniquin and pretend that your a mannequin. Try to hold the same position for as long as possible. Then finally as someone is walking by, check your
watch and say. "Finally, my shift is done. I really don't get paid enough to do this"
99. Start singing oldies songs in to megaphone.
100. Act like your about to cry and ask people "Have you seen
my mommy?"
101. Steal a Walmart shirt. The possibilities are endless.
BONUS* Attempt all of the above during the same visit.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
100+ ways to tell if you're stuck in the 80's
1. Your fondest childhood memory is when Skippy got his head stuck in the banister.
2. You relax by putting on your legwarmers and dancing to the "Footloose" soundtrack.
3. You think the Two Coreys are "totally awesome."
4. You're still bitter that Wham! broke up.
5. Punky Brewster is your hero.
6. You type all of your term papers on a Commodore4.
7. You still resent your parents for not installing a dumbwaiter in your house like Webster's.
8. The only video games you play are Frogger and Pac Man.
9. You're building your own Clockwork Smurf.
10. Your summer attire is Jellies and Jams.
11. A-Ha's "Take on Me" is still your favorite video.
12. You consider yourself truly, truly, truly outrageous, much like Jem and the Holograms.
13. You wonder why more people don't wear high heels, Jordache jeans, and lacy ankle socks.
14. You call all motorcycle cops "Ponch."
15. Every time you go to the beach you look for Snorks.
16. You're still upset Madonna and Sean broke up.
17. You know who Stinky Sullivan is.
18. You work out with "Get in Shape Girl."
19. You want to be Molly Ringwald when you grow up.
20. You enjoy dancing on the ceiling and wearing your sunglasses at night.
21. You know who Loverboy is.
22. You think there should be a Kids Incorporated original cast reunion.
23. You think of Janet Jackson as "that girl who used to date Willis."
24. You can sing the theme song to Small Wonder.
25. Every time you see a fountain you want to dance around it and yell "Fame!"
26. You still have a shoebox full of Garbage Pail Kid cards.
27. You write your congressman asking him to introduce a bill to make "Born in the USA" the national anthem.
28. You still use your Snoopy Sno-Cone machine.
29. You know it's not "comma, comma, comma" it's karma.
30. You stay up nights wondering what Bastian's mother's name was in "The Neverending Story."
31. You have nightmares about the Peculiar Purple Pieman of Porcupine Peak.
32. You still practice your Care Bear Stare.
33. You know that girls just wanna have fuh-un.
34. You can name all The Wuzzles.
35. You harbor a secret dream of being slimed by Alistair.
36. You can do the Safety Dance.
37. In your spare time you are writing "The Breakfast Club".
38. You like to "connect the dots, la la la la!"
39. Someone mentions Jennifer Beals and you don't say "Who?"
40. Your prized possesion is a collection of "Return of the Jedi" Shrinky Dinks.
41. You know whose number is 867-5309.
42. You get depressed thinking about Anthony Michael Hall's career.
43. You're starting a write-in campaign to MTV to bring back Remote Control.
44. You drink Diet Coke because Max Headroom told you to.
45. You consider Jo vs. Blair the major philosophical conflict of the 20th century.
46. You have a duck phone and ride around your house on a little train.
47. You want to be one of the Solid Gold Dancers.
48. You still watch things on Beta.
49. You want to change your name to Rio and dance on the sand.
50. You know that "Weird Science" was a movie before a tv show.
51. Your favorite proverb is "some like it hot and some sweat when the heat is on."
52. You always waited for the Sweet Pickles Bus to visit your house.
53. Your favorite party game is Hungry Hungry Hippos.
54. You saw the New Kids on the Block when they were Tiffany's opening act.
55. You liked Tom Hanks better when he was a crossdresser.
56. You know which Hollywood Square Jm J Bullock was in.
57. You practice getting in and out of your car through the windows.
58. You have the tendency to turn up the collar of your polo shirts.
59. You're still wondering who really was the boss.
60. You know what the "P" in "Alex P. Keaton" stands for.
61. You keep asking your teachers if instead of the quiz you can take the Physical Challenge.
62. You organize weekend tournaments of TV tag.
63. You still drink New Coke.
64. When you watch "Terminator" you wonder where Vincent is.
65. You know ALF's real name.
66. You never go out for a night on the town without frosted blue eyeshadow and feathered bangs.
67. You can name all of the Thundercats.
68. You got a hankerin' for a hunk of cheese.
69. Everything in your wardrobe is either pastel or fluorescent.
70. Your musical inspiration is Sonny Mann.
71. Sometimes you just want to shout, shout, let it all out.
72. You're planning a dream vacation to Mepos.
73. You use your Speak and Spell to phone home.
74. You know the original members of Menudo.
75. Sometimes out of the blue you just got to shake your love.
76. When you're stuck in traffic you tell your car to engage Turbo Boost and are surprised when it doesn't talk back..
77. You remember when Vanessa sang Kareoke to "Locomotion."
78. You know that Mr. Steele functions best in an advisory capacity.
79. People are constantly gagging you with spoons.
80. Your idea of appreciating ancient cultures is "Walk Like an Egyptian."
81. The only thing you know about the Nazis is that they threw Indy to the snakes.
82. You still use your hair crimper before going out on a hot date.
83. You hatch plots to break Murdock out of VA hospital.
84. You know which five people Serpentor's DNA came from.
85. You have "We Are the World" on 5.
86. You're still sending death threats to Mr. Rubik.
87. You can feel St. Elmo's fire burnin' in you.
88. You watch NYPD Blue thinking, "Well, they're no Crockett and Tubbs, that's for sure."
89. "Goonies" is your favorite movie of all time! (I added that one! -MDR)
90. You can remember Alanis Morissette's career before Jagged Little Pill.
91. Every day, you take a ride on the Great Space Coaster.
92. You want to party with Spuds Mackenzie.
93. You can still identify any "My Little Pony" by solely by its magical markings.
94. You know the answer to "Who's that Girl?"
95. Thanks to the Coach, you know the location of Albania, its terrain and its main export.
96. You proudly wear your prized collection of jelly bracelets and charm necklaces.
97. You want to get physical with Olivia Newton-John.
98. You know the name of the other guy from Wham!
99. When someone mentions rap, you think of Run DMC and the Fat Boys.
100. You still wear banana clips.
101. You don't think Boner is an inappropriate nickname for a friend.
102. When a problem comes along, you just whip it.
103. You had sunglasses that were also a headband.
104. You're still asking, "Where's the beef?"
105. You remeber when Belinda still sang with the Go-Go's
106. You ate Reeses Pieces because E.T. did.
107. You remember when nobody believed Snuffy was real.
108. You played Donkey Kong before you even cared what Nintendo meant.
109. Every one of your favorite cartoons had its own cereal.
110. On long car rides you break out the Mad Libs.
2. You relax by putting on your legwarmers and dancing to the "Footloose" soundtrack.
3. You think the Two Coreys are "totally awesome."
4. You're still bitter that Wham! broke up.
5. Punky Brewster is your hero.
6. You type all of your term papers on a Commodore4.
7. You still resent your parents for not installing a dumbwaiter in your house like Webster's.
8. The only video games you play are Frogger and Pac Man.
9. You're building your own Clockwork Smurf.
10. Your summer attire is Jellies and Jams.
11. A-Ha's "Take on Me" is still your favorite video.
12. You consider yourself truly, truly, truly outrageous, much like Jem and the Holograms.
13. You wonder why more people don't wear high heels, Jordache jeans, and lacy ankle socks.
14. You call all motorcycle cops "Ponch."
15. Every time you go to the beach you look for Snorks.
16. You're still upset Madonna and Sean broke up.
17. You know who Stinky Sullivan is.
18. You work out with "Get in Shape Girl."
19. You want to be Molly Ringwald when you grow up.
20. You enjoy dancing on the ceiling and wearing your sunglasses at night.
21. You know who Loverboy is.
22. You think there should be a Kids Incorporated original cast reunion.
23. You think of Janet Jackson as "that girl who used to date Willis."
24. You can sing the theme song to Small Wonder.
25. Every time you see a fountain you want to dance around it and yell "Fame!"
26. You still have a shoebox full of Garbage Pail Kid cards.
27. You write your congressman asking him to introduce a bill to make "Born in the USA" the national anthem.
28. You still use your Snoopy Sno-Cone machine.
29. You know it's not "comma, comma, comma" it's karma.
30. You stay up nights wondering what Bastian's mother's name was in "The Neverending Story."
31. You have nightmares about the Peculiar Purple Pieman of Porcupine Peak.
32. You still practice your Care Bear Stare.
33. You know that girls just wanna have fuh-un.
34. You can name all The Wuzzles.
35. You harbor a secret dream of being slimed by Alistair.
36. You can do the Safety Dance.
37. In your spare time you are writing "The Breakfast Club".
38. You like to "connect the dots, la la la la!"
39. Someone mentions Jennifer Beals and you don't say "Who?"
40. Your prized possesion is a collection of "Return of the Jedi" Shrinky Dinks.
41. You know whose number is 867-5309.
42. You get depressed thinking about Anthony Michael Hall's career.
43. You're starting a write-in campaign to MTV to bring back Remote Control.
44. You drink Diet Coke because Max Headroom told you to.
45. You consider Jo vs. Blair the major philosophical conflict of the 20th century.
46. You have a duck phone and ride around your house on a little train.
47. You want to be one of the Solid Gold Dancers.
48. You still watch things on Beta.
49. You want to change your name to Rio and dance on the sand.
50. You know that "Weird Science" was a movie before a tv show.
51. Your favorite proverb is "some like it hot and some sweat when the heat is on."
52. You always waited for the Sweet Pickles Bus to visit your house.
53. Your favorite party game is Hungry Hungry Hippos.
54. You saw the New Kids on the Block when they were Tiffany's opening act.
55. You liked Tom Hanks better when he was a crossdresser.
56. You know which Hollywood Square Jm J Bullock was in.
57. You practice getting in and out of your car through the windows.
58. You have the tendency to turn up the collar of your polo shirts.
59. You're still wondering who really was the boss.
60. You know what the "P" in "Alex P. Keaton" stands for.
61. You keep asking your teachers if instead of the quiz you can take the Physical Challenge.
62. You organize weekend tournaments of TV tag.
63. You still drink New Coke.
64. When you watch "Terminator" you wonder where Vincent is.
65. You know ALF's real name.
66. You never go out for a night on the town without frosted blue eyeshadow and feathered bangs.
67. You can name all of the Thundercats.
68. You got a hankerin' for a hunk of cheese.
69. Everything in your wardrobe is either pastel or fluorescent.
70. Your musical inspiration is Sonny Mann.
71. Sometimes you just want to shout, shout, let it all out.
72. You're planning a dream vacation to Mepos.
73. You use your Speak and Spell to phone home.
74. You know the original members of Menudo.
75. Sometimes out of the blue you just got to shake your love.
76. When you're stuck in traffic you tell your car to engage Turbo Boost and are surprised when it doesn't talk back..
77. You remember when Vanessa sang Kareoke to "Locomotion."
78. You know that Mr. Steele functions best in an advisory capacity.
79. People are constantly gagging you with spoons.
80. Your idea of appreciating ancient cultures is "Walk Like an Egyptian."
81. The only thing you know about the Nazis is that they threw Indy to the snakes.
82. You still use your hair crimper before going out on a hot date.
83. You hatch plots to break Murdock out of VA hospital.
84. You know which five people Serpentor's DNA came from.
85. You have "We Are the World" on 5.
86. You're still sending death threats to Mr. Rubik.
87. You can feel St. Elmo's fire burnin' in you.
88. You watch NYPD Blue thinking, "Well, they're no Crockett and Tubbs, that's for sure."
89. "Goonies" is your favorite movie of all time! (I added that one! -MDR)
90. You can remember Alanis Morissette's career before Jagged Little Pill.
91. Every day, you take a ride on the Great Space Coaster.
92. You want to party with Spuds Mackenzie.
93. You can still identify any "My Little Pony" by solely by its magical markings.
94. You know the answer to "Who's that Girl?"
95. Thanks to the Coach, you know the location of Albania, its terrain and its main export.
96. You proudly wear your prized collection of jelly bracelets and charm necklaces.
97. You want to get physical with Olivia Newton-John.
98. You know the name of the other guy from Wham!
99. When someone mentions rap, you think of Run DMC and the Fat Boys.
100. You still wear banana clips.
101. You don't think Boner is an inappropriate nickname for a friend.
102. When a problem comes along, you just whip it.
103. You had sunglasses that were also a headband.
104. You're still asking, "Where's the beef?"
105. You remeber when Belinda still sang with the Go-Go's
106. You ate Reeses Pieces because E.T. did.
107. You remember when nobody believed Snuffy was real.
108. You played Donkey Kong before you even cared what Nintendo meant.
109. Every one of your favorite cartoons had its own cereal.
110. On long car rides you break out the Mad Libs.
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Famous Last Words
# Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons.
Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949...
# I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943...
But what ... is it good for?"
--Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968, commenting on the microchip.
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
--Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977...
640k ought to be enough for anybody." -- Bill Gates, 1981
This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us."
--Western Union internal memo, 1876....
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?...
Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949...
# I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943...
But what ... is it good for?"
--Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968, commenting on the microchip.
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
--Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977...
640k ought to be enough for anybody." -- Bill Gates, 1981
This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us."
--Western Union internal memo, 1876....
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?...
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Why?
Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?
Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
I nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?
If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?
I you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?
You know how most packages say "Open here"? What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?
Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
Why is brassiere singular and panties plural?
Why is it when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?
You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes? Why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
Why does monosyllabic have five syllables?
Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
I nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?
If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?
I you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?
You know how most packages say "Open here"? What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?
Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
Why is brassiere singular and panties plural?
Why is it when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?
You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes? Why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
Why does monosyllabic have five syllables?
Sunday, October 2, 2011
When a Man Lies....
One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "Why are
you crying?"
The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water. The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe.
"Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.
The woodcutter replied, "No."
The Lord again went down and came up with a silver axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.
Again, the woodcutter replied, "No."
The Lord went down again and came up with an iron axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.
The woodcutter replied, "Yes."
The Lord was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all three axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happily.
One day while he was walking with his wife along the riverbank, the woodcutter's wife fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked
him, "Why are you crying?"
"Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!"
The Lord went down into the water and came up with Jennifer Lopez. "Is this your wife?" the Lord asked.
"Yes," cried the woodcutter.
The Lord was furious. "You cheat! That is an untruth!"
The woodcutter replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I said 'no' to Jennifer Lopez, You will come up with Catherine Zeta-Jones. Then if I also say 'no' to her, You will thirdly come up with my wife, and I will say 'yes,' and then all three will be given to me. But Lord, I am a poor man and I will not be able to take care of all three wives, so *that's* why I said yes this time."
The moral of the story is whenever a man lies it is for an honorable and useful reason !!
you crying?"
The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water. The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe.
"Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.
The woodcutter replied, "No."
The Lord again went down and came up with a silver axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.
Again, the woodcutter replied, "No."
The Lord went down again and came up with an iron axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.
The woodcutter replied, "Yes."
The Lord was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all three axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happily.
One day while he was walking with his wife along the riverbank, the woodcutter's wife fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked
him, "Why are you crying?"
"Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!"
The Lord went down into the water and came up with Jennifer Lopez. "Is this your wife?" the Lord asked.
"Yes," cried the woodcutter.
The Lord was furious. "You cheat! That is an untruth!"
The woodcutter replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I said 'no' to Jennifer Lopez, You will come up with Catherine Zeta-Jones. Then if I also say 'no' to her, You will thirdly come up with my wife, and I will say 'yes,' and then all three will be given to me. But Lord, I am a poor man and I will not be able to take care of all three wives, so *that's* why I said yes this time."
The moral of the story is whenever a man lies it is for an honorable and useful reason !!
Sunday, September 25, 2011
What is Wrong with This World?
1. January 2000: Kathleen Robertson of Austin Texas was awarded $780,000.00 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running amuck inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving tyke was Ms. Robertson's son.
2. June 1998: A 19 year old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000.00 and medical expenses when his neighbor ran his hand over with a Honda Accord. Mr. Truman apparently didn't notice someone was at the wheel of the car whose hubcap he was trying to steal.
3. October 1998: A Terrence Dickson of Bristol Pennsylvania was exiting a house he finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get the garage door to go up, because the automatic door opener was malfunctioning. He couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the house and garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation, so Mr. Dickson found himself locked in the garage for eight days. He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found, and a large bag of dry dog food. This upset Mr. Dickson, so he sued the homeowner's insurance claiming the situation caused him undue mental anguish. The jury agreed to the tune of half a million dollars and change.
4. October 1999: Jerry Williams of Little Rock Arkansas was awarded $14,500.00 and medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door neighbor's beagle. The beagle was on a chain in it's owner's fenced-in yard, as was Mr. Williams. The award was less than sought after because the jury felt the dog may have been provoked by Mr. Williams who, at the time, was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.
5. May 2000: A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania 113,500.00 after she slipped on a spilled soft drink and broke her coccyx. The beverage was on the floor because S.Carson threw it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.
6. December 1997: Kara Waton of Claymont, Delaware successfully sued the owner of a night club in a neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom window to the floor and knocked out her two front teeth. This occurred while Ms.Walton was trying to sneak through the window in the ladies room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000.00 and dental expenses.
And we wonder what the heck is wrong with our kids? Just when we start to think that we have seen or heard it all, then we read stuff like this.
2. June 1998: A 19 year old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000.00 and medical expenses when his neighbor ran his hand over with a Honda Accord. Mr. Truman apparently didn't notice someone was at the wheel of the car whose hubcap he was trying to steal.
3. October 1998: A Terrence Dickson of Bristol Pennsylvania was exiting a house he finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get the garage door to go up, because the automatic door opener was malfunctioning. He couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the house and garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation, so Mr. Dickson found himself locked in the garage for eight days. He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found, and a large bag of dry dog food. This upset Mr. Dickson, so he sued the homeowner's insurance claiming the situation caused him undue mental anguish. The jury agreed to the tune of half a million dollars and change.
4. October 1999: Jerry Williams of Little Rock Arkansas was awarded $14,500.00 and medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door neighbor's beagle. The beagle was on a chain in it's owner's fenced-in yard, as was Mr. Williams. The award was less than sought after because the jury felt the dog may have been provoked by Mr. Williams who, at the time, was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.
5. May 2000: A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania 113,500.00 after she slipped on a spilled soft drink and broke her coccyx. The beverage was on the floor because S.Carson threw it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.
6. December 1997: Kara Waton of Claymont, Delaware successfully sued the owner of a night club in a neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom window to the floor and knocked out her two front teeth. This occurred while Ms.Walton was trying to sneak through the window in the ladies room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000.00 and dental expenses.
And we wonder what the heck is wrong with our kids? Just when we start to think that we have seen or heard it all, then we read stuff like this.
Sunday, September 18, 2011
What is Love?
A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, "What does love mean?" The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined.
"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love."
Rebecca - age 8
"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You know that your name is safe in their mouth."
Billy - age 4
"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other."
Karl - age 5
"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs."
Chrissy - age 6
"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK."
Danny - age 7
"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday."
Noelle - age 7
"My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night."
Clare - Age 5
"Love is when mommy gives daddy the best piece of chicken."
Elaine - age 5
"Love is when mommy sees daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford."
Chris - age 8
"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day."
Mary Ann - age 4
"I let my big sister pick on me because my Mom says she only picks on me because she loves me. So I pick on my baby sister because I love her."
Bethany - age 4
"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you."
Karen - age 7
"Love is when mommy sees daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross."
Mark - age 6
"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget."
Jessica - age 8
Since a very long time ago, people have searched for the meaning of love. But even the great philosophers, with their profound definitions, could not fully touch its true essence. In a survey of 4-8 year olds, kids share their views on love. But what do little kids know about love?
Read on and be surprised that despite their young and innocent minds, kids already have a simple but deep grasp of that four-letter word.
"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other."
"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs."
"Love is when someone hurts you. And you get so mad but you don't yell at him because you know it would hurt his feelings."
"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK."
"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday."
"Love is if you hold hands and sit beside each other in the cafeteria. That means you're in love. Otherwise, you can sit across from each other and be okay."
"Love is when mommy sees daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redbird."
"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones."
"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you."
"You can break love, but it won't die."
"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love."
Rebecca - age 8
"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You know that your name is safe in their mouth."
Billy - age 4
"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other."
Karl - age 5
"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs."
Chrissy - age 6
"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK."
Danny - age 7
"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday."
Noelle - age 7
"My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night."
Clare - Age 5
"Love is when mommy gives daddy the best piece of chicken."
Elaine - age 5
"Love is when mommy sees daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford."
Chris - age 8
"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day."
Mary Ann - age 4
"I let my big sister pick on me because my Mom says she only picks on me because she loves me. So I pick on my baby sister because I love her."
Bethany - age 4
"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you."
Karen - age 7
"Love is when mommy sees daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross."
Mark - age 6
"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget."
Jessica - age 8
Since a very long time ago, people have searched for the meaning of love. But even the great philosophers, with their profound definitions, could not fully touch its true essence. In a survey of 4-8 year olds, kids share their views on love. But what do little kids know about love?
Read on and be surprised that despite their young and innocent minds, kids already have a simple but deep grasp of that four-letter word.
"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other."
"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs."
"Love is when someone hurts you. And you get so mad but you don't yell at him because you know it would hurt his feelings."
"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK."
"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday."
"Love is if you hold hands and sit beside each other in the cafeteria. That means you're in love. Otherwise, you can sit across from each other and be okay."
"Love is when mommy sees daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redbird."
"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones."
"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you."
"You can break love, but it won't die."
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Weird Questions
If you try to fail and succeed, what have you done?
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to
start a campfire?
Why is the time when the traffic is slowest called rush-hour?
What's the speed of dark?
If physics can predict lottery numbers, why are they still working?
If you run backwards will you gain weight?
If Barbie is so popular, why do you need to buy her friends?
What happens when you get scared half-to-death twice?
Can a blind person feel blue?
How can a house burn up when it burns down?
Are you telling the truth when you lie in bed?
If your vacuum cleaner really sucks, is it a bad thing?
How do you know when a Smurf suffocates?
Despite the cost of living, why does it remain so popular?
If a word in a dictionary is misspelled, how would you know?
In Chinese why are the words for crisis and opportunity the same?
Why does X stand for a kiss?
Why does O stand for a hug?
Why is the alphabet in that order?
How does skating on thin ice get you into hot water?
Why are they called stands when there made for sitting?
Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected expected?
When cheese gets its picture taken what does it say?
Why are they called non-stick pans? Is there a law saying your not allowed to put
sticks in them?
Why are a wise-man and a wise-guy opposites?
If work is so terrific how come they have to pay you to do it?
Should crematoriums give discounts for those who died in fires?
Is it possible to have a civil-war?
If the #2 pencil the most popular, why is it still #2?
Do tea makers have coffee breaks?
Can fat people go skinny-dipping?
Why do they announce power shortages on TV?
Do you need a silencer when you shoot a mime?
Why do you press harder on the remote-control when you know the battery is dead?
How can batteries die?
If its zero degrees tonight, and tomorrow its meant to be twice as cold, how cold
will it be?
Why are buildings called buildings when there finished? Shouldn't they be called
builts?
Why is abbreviated such a long word?
Why is it that when you tell a man there are 400 billion stars he will believe you, but when you tell him there's wet paint he has to touch it?
Who's cruel idea was it to put a 'S' in 'lisp'?
Do you find it unnerving that what doctors do is called 'practice'?
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
If a turtle doesn't have a shell is it homeless or naked?
Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to
start a campfire?
Why is the time when the traffic is slowest called rush-hour?
What's the speed of dark?
If physics can predict lottery numbers, why are they still working?
If you run backwards will you gain weight?
If Barbie is so popular, why do you need to buy her friends?
What happens when you get scared half-to-death twice?
Can a blind person feel blue?
How can a house burn up when it burns down?
Are you telling the truth when you lie in bed?
If your vacuum cleaner really sucks, is it a bad thing?
How do you know when a Smurf suffocates?
Despite the cost of living, why does it remain so popular?
If a word in a dictionary is misspelled, how would you know?
In Chinese why are the words for crisis and opportunity the same?
Why does X stand for a kiss?
Why does O stand for a hug?
Why is the alphabet in that order?
How does skating on thin ice get you into hot water?
Why are they called stands when there made for sitting?
Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected expected?
When cheese gets its picture taken what does it say?
Why are they called non-stick pans? Is there a law saying your not allowed to put
sticks in them?
Why are a wise-man and a wise-guy opposites?
If work is so terrific how come they have to pay you to do it?
Should crematoriums give discounts for those who died in fires?
Is it possible to have a civil-war?
If the #2 pencil the most popular, why is it still #2?
Do tea makers have coffee breaks?
Can fat people go skinny-dipping?
Why do they announce power shortages on TV?
Do you need a silencer when you shoot a mime?
Why do you press harder on the remote-control when you know the battery is dead?
How can batteries die?
If its zero degrees tonight, and tomorrow its meant to be twice as cold, how cold
will it be?
Why are buildings called buildings when there finished? Shouldn't they be called
builts?
Why is abbreviated such a long word?
Why is it that when you tell a man there are 400 billion stars he will believe you, but when you tell him there's wet paint he has to touch it?
Who's cruel idea was it to put a 'S' in 'lisp'?
Do you find it unnerving that what doctors do is called 'practice'?
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
If a turtle doesn't have a shell is it homeless or naked?
Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
Sunday, September 4, 2011
More Useless Facts
1. Samuel Clemens (Mark Twain) was born on and died on days when Halley.s Comet can be seen. During his life he predicted that he would die when it could be seen.
2. US Dollar bills are made out of cotton and linen.
3. The .57. on the Heinz ketchup bottle represents the number of pickle types the company once had.
4. Americans are responsible for about 1/5 of the world.s garbage annually. On average, that.s 3 pounds a day per person.
5. Giraffes and rats can last longer without water than camels.
6. Your stomach produces a new layer of mucus every two weeks so that it doesn.t digest itself.
7. 98% of all murders and rapes are by a close family member or friend of the victim.
8. A B-25 bomber crashed into the 79th floor of the Empire State Building on July 28, 1945.
9. The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp (marijuana) paper.
10. The dot over the letter .i. is called a tittle.
11. A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.
12. Benjamin Franklin was the fifth in a series of the youngest son of the youngest son.
13. Triskaidekaphobia means fear of the number 13. Paraskevidekatriaphobia means fear of Friday the 13th (which occurs one to three times a year). In Italy, 17 is considered an unlucky number. In Japan, 4 is considered an unlucky number.
14. A female ferret will die if it goes into heat and cannot find a mate.
15. All the chemicals in a human body combined are worth about 6.25 euro (if sold separately).
16. In ancient Rome, when a man testified in court he would swear on his testicles.
17. The ZIP in .ZIP code. means Zoning Improvement Plan.
18. Coca-Cola contained Coca (whose active ingredient is cocaine) from 1885 to 1903.
19. A .2 by 4. is really 1 1/2 by 3 1/2.
20. It.s estimated that at any one time around 0.7% of the world.s population is drunk.
21. Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history: Spades = David ; Clubs = Alexander the Great ; Hearts = Charlemagne ; Diamonds = Caesar
22. 40% of McDonald.s profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.
23. Every person, including identical twins, has a unique eye and tongue print along with their finger print.
24. The .spot. on the 7-Up logo comes from its inventor who had red eyes. He was an albino.
25. 315 entries in Webster.s 1996 dictionary were misspelled.
26. The .save. icon in Microsoft Office programs shows a floppy disk with the shutter on backwards.
27. Albert Einstein and Charles Darwin both married their first cousins (Elsa L�wenthal and Emma Wedgewood respectively).
28. Camel.s have three eyelids.
29. On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents every day.
30. John Wilkes Booth.s brother once saved the life of Abraham Lincoln.s son.
31. Warren Beatty and Shirley McLaine are brother and sister.
32. Chocolate can kill dogs; it directly affects their heart and nervous system.
33. Daniel Boone hated coonskin caps.
34. Playing cards were issued to British pilots in WWII. If captured, they could be soaked in water and unfolded to reveal a map for escape.
35. 55.1% of all US prisoners are in prison for drug offenses.
36. Most lipstick contains fish scales.
37. Orcas (killer whales) kill sharks by torpedoing up into the shark.s stomach from underneath, causing the shark to explode.
38. Dr. Seuss pronounced his name .soyce..
39. Slugs have four noses.
40. Ketchup was sold in the 1830s as medicine.
41. The Three Wise Monkeys have names: Mizaru (See no evil), Mikazaru (Hear no evil), and Mazaru (Speak no evil).
42. India has a Bill of Rights for cows.
43. If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die. If you keep your eyes open by force, they can pop out. (DON.T TRY IT, DUMBASS)
44. During the California gold rush of 1849, miners sent their laundry to Honolulu for washing and pressing. Due to the extremely high costs in California during these boom years, it was deemed more feasible to send their shirts to Hawaii for servicing.
45. American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by taking out an olive from First Class salads.
46. About 200,000,000 M&Ms are sold each day in the United States.
47. Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.
48. Over a course of about eleven years, the sun.s magnetic poles switch places. This cycle is called .Solarmax..
49. There are 318,979,564,000 possible combinations of the first four moves in Chess.
50. Upper and lower case letters are named .upper. and .lower. because in the time when all original print had to be set in individual letters, the upper case letters were stored in the case on top of the case that stored the lower case letters.
51. There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos.
52. The numbers .172. can be found on the back of the US 5 dollar bill, in the bushes at the base of the Lincoln Memorial.
53. Coconuts kill about 150 people each year. That.s more than sharks.
54. Half of all bank robberies take place on a Friday.
55. The name Wendy was made up for the book Peter Pan. There was never a recorded Wendy before it.
56. The international telephone dialing code for Antarctica is 672.
57. The first bomb the Allies dropped on Berlin in WWII killed the only elephant in the Berlin Zoo.
58. The average raindrop falls at 7 miles per hour.
59. It took Leonardo Da Vinci 10 years to paint Mona Lisa. He never signed or dated the painting. Leonardo and Mona had identical bone structures according to the painting. X-ray images have shown that there are 3 other versions under the original.
60. If you put a drop of liquor on a scorpion, it will instantly go mad and sting itself to death.
61. Bruce Lee was so fast that they had to slow the film down so you could see his moves.
62. The largest amount of money you can have without having change for a dollar is $1.19 (3 quarters, 4 dimes, and 4 pennies cannot be divided into a dollar).
63. The first CD pressed in the US was Bruce Springsteen.s .Born in the USA..
64. IBM.s motto is .Think.. Apple later made their motto .Think different..
65. The mask used by Michael Myers in the original .Halloween. was actually a Captain Kirk mask painted white, due to low budget.
66. The original name for butterfly was flutterby.
67. The phrase .rule of thumb. is derived from an old English law, which stated that you couldn.t beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.
68. One in fourteen women in America is a natural blonde. Only one in sixteen men is.
69. The Olympic was the sister ship of the Titanic, and she provided twenty-five years of service.
70. When the Titanic sank, 2228 people were on it. Only 706 survived.
71. In America, someone is diagnosed with AIDS every 10 minutes. In South Africa, someone dies due to HIV or AIDS every 10 minutes.
72. Every day, 7% of the US eats at McDonald.s.
73. The first product Motorola started to develop was a record player for automobiles. At that time, the most known player on the market was Victrola, which Motorola got their name from.
74. In the US, about 127 million adults are overweight or obese; worldwide, 750 million are overweight and 300 million more are obese. In the US, 15% of children in elementary school are overweight; 20% are worldwide.
75. In Disney.s Fantasia, the Sorcerer to whom Mickey played an apprentice was named Yensid (Disney spelled backward).
76. During his entire life, Vincent Van Gogh sold exactly one painting, .Red Vineyard at Arles..
77. By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you cannot sink into quicksand.
78. One in ten people live on an island.
79. It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with.
80. 28% of Africa is classified as wilderness. In North America, its 38%.
81. Charlie Chaplin once won third prize in a Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest.
82. Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying.
83. Sherlock Holmes NEVER said .Elementary, my dear Watson., Humphrey Bogart NEVER said .Play it again, Sam. in Casablanca, and they NEVER said .Beam me up, Scotty. on Star Trek.
84. An old law in Bellingham, Washington, made it illegal for a woman to take more than 3 steps backwards while dancing.
85. Sharon Stone was the first Star Search spokes model.
86. The sound you here when you put a seashell next to your ear is not the ocean, but blood flowing through your head.
87. More people are afraid of open spaces (kenophobia) than of tight spaces (claustrophobia).
88. The glue on Israeli postage is certified kosher.
89. There is a 1 in 4 chance that New York will have a white Christmas.
90. The Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from Public Libraries.
91. Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.
92. Back in the mid to late .80s, an IBM compatible computer wasn.t considered 100% compatible unless it could run Microsoft.s Flight Simulator.
93. $203,000,000 is spent on barbed wire each year in the U.S.
94. Every US president has worn glasses (just not always in public).
95. Bats always turn left when exiting a cave.
96. Jim Henson first coined the word .Muppet.. It is a combination of .marionette. and .puppet..
97. The names of all the continents end with the same letter that they start with (not counting the words .North. and .South).
98. The Michelin man is known as Mr. Bib. His name was Bibendum in the company.s first ads in 1896.
99. About 20% of bird species have become extinct in the past 200 years, almost all of them because of human activity.
100. The word .lethologica. describes the state of not being able to remember the word you want.
101. About 14% of injecting drug users are HIV positive.
102. A word or sentence that is the same front and back (racecar, kayak) is called a .palindrome..
103. A snail can sleep for 3 years.
104. People photocopying their buttocks are the cause of 23% of all photocopier faults worldwide.
105. China has more English speakers than the United States.
106. Finnish folklore says that when Santa comes to Finland to deliver gifts, he leaves his sleigh behind and rides on a goat named Ukko instead. According to French tradition, Santa Claus has a brother named Bells Nichols, who visits homes on New Year.s Eve after everyone is asleep, and if a plate is set out for him, he fills it with cookies and cakes.
107. One in every 9000 people is an albino.
108. The electric chair was invented by a dentist.
109. You share your birthday with at least 9 million other people in the world.
110. Everyday, more money is printed for Monopoly sets than for the U.S. Treasury.
111. Every year 4 people in the UK die putting their trousers on.
112. Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds; dogs only have about ten.
113. Our eyes are always the same size from birth but our nose and ears never stop growing.
114. In every episode of .Seinfeld. there is a Superman picture or reference somewhere.
115. If Barbie were life-size her measurements would be 39-23-33. She would stand seven feet two inches tall and have a neck twice the length of a normal human.s neck.
116. Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over million descendants.
117. Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.
118. Each year in America there are about 300,000 deaths that can be attributed to obesity.
119. About 55% of all movies are rated R.
120. About 500 movies are made in the US and 800 in India annually.
121. Arabic numerals are not really Arabic; they were created in India.
122. Title 14, Section 1211 of the Code of Federal Regulations (implemented on July 16, 1969) makes it illegal for U.S. citizens to have any contact with extraterrestrials or their vehicles.
123. The February of 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.
124. The Pentagon in Arlington Virginia has twice as many bathrooms as is necessary. When it was built in the 1940s the state of Virginia still had segregation laws requiring separate toilet facilities for blacks and whites.
125. There is actually no danger in swimming right after you eat, though it may feel uncomfortable.
126. The cruise liner Queen Elizabeth II moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.
127. More than 50% of the people in the world have never made or received a telephone call.
128. A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.
129. There are about 2 chickens for every human in the world.
130. The word .maverick. came into use after Samuel Maverick, a Texan refused to brand his cattle. Eventually any unbranded calf became known as a Maverick.
131. Two-thirds of the world.s eggplant is grown in New Jersey.
132. For every memorial statue with a person on a horse, if the horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle; if the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died of battle wounds; if all four of the horse.s legs are on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
133. On a Canadian two-dollar bill, the American flag is flying over the Parliament Building.
134. An American urologist bought Napoleon.s penis for $40,000.
135. No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.
136. Dreamt is the only English word that ends in the letters .MT..
137. $283,200 is the absolute highest amount of money you can win on Jeopardy.
138. Almonds are members of the peach family.
139. Rats and horses can.t vomit.
140. The penguin is the only bird that can.t fly but can swim.
141. There are approximately 100 million acts of sexual intercourse each day.
142. Winston Churchill was born in a ladies room during a dance.
143. Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.
144. There are only four words in the English language that end in .-dous.: tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.
145. Americans on average eat 18 acres of pizza every day.
146. Every time you lick a stamp you consume 1/10 of a calorie.
147. .101 Dalmatians. and .Peter Pan. are the only Disney animations in which both of a character.s parents are present and don.t die during the movie.
148. You are more likely to be killed by a champagne cork than by a poisonous spider.
149. Hedenophobic means fear of pleasure.
150. Ancient Egyptian priests would pluck every hair from their bodies.
151. A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.
152. Half of all crimes are committed by people under the age of 18. 80% of burglaries are committed by people aged 13-21.
153. An ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
154. All polar bears are left-handed.
155. The catfish has over 27000 taste buds (more than any other animal)
156. A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death.
157. Butterflies taste with their feet.
158. Elephants are the only mammals that cannot jump.
159. An ostrich.s eye is bigger than its brain.
160. Starfish have no brains.
161. 11% of the world is left-handed.
162. John Hancock and Charles Thomson were the only people to sign the Declaration of independence on July 4th, 1776. The last signature came five years later.
163. Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
164. Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.
165. The national anthem of Greece has 158 verses.
166. There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.
167. A healthy (non-colorblind) human eye can distinguish between 500 shades of gray.
168. A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.
169. Lizards can self-amputate their tails for protection. It grows back after a few months.
170. Los Angeles. full name is .El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula.. It can be abbreviated to 3.63% of its size: L.A.
171. A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.
172. A honeybee can fly at fifteen miles per hour.
173. Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.
174. A .jiffy. is the scientific name for 1/100th of a second.
175. The average child recognizes over 200 company logos by the time he enters first grade.
176. The youngest pope ever was 11 years old.
177. The first novel ever written on a typewriter is Tom Sawyer.
178. One out of every 43 prisoners escapes from jail. 94% are recaptured.
179. The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.
180. The average chocolate bar has 8 insects. legs melted into it.
181. A rhinoceros horn is made of compacted hair.
182. The shortest war in history was between Zanzibar and England in 1896. Zanzibar surrendered after 38 minutes.
183. Elwood Edwards did the voice for the AOL sound files (i.e. .You.ve got Mail!.). He is heard about 27 million times a day. The recordings were done before Quantum changed its name to AOL and the program was known as .Q-Link..
184. A polar bears skin is black. Its fur is actually clear, but like snow it appears white.
185. Elvis had a twin brother named Garon, who died at birth, which is why Elvis middle name was spelled Aron, in honor of his brother.
186. Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors.
187. Donkeys kill more people than plane crashes.
188. Shakespeare invented the words .assassination. and .bump..
189. There are a million ants for every person on Earth.
190. If you keep a goldfish in the dark room, it will eventually turn white.
191. Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
192. The name Jeep comes from .GP., the army abbreviation for General Purpose.
193. Right handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left handed people do.
194. There are two credit cards for every person in the United States.
195. Cats. urine glows under a black light.
196. A .quidnunc. is a person who is eager to know the latest news and gossip.
197. The first US Patent was for manufacturing potassium carbonate (used in glass and gunpowder). It was issued to Samuel Hopkins on July 31, 1970.
198. Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors, the helicopter, and many other present day items.
199. In the last 4000 years no new animals have been domesticated.
200. 25% of a human.s bones are in its feet.
201. David Sarnoff received the Titanic.s distress signal and saved hundreds of passengers. He later became the head of the first radio network, the National Broadcasting Company (NBC).
202. On average, 100 people choke to death on ballpoint pens every year.
203. Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than every Nike factory worker in Malaysia combined.
204. One of the reasons marijuana is illegal today is because cotton growers in the .30s lobbied against hemp farmers (they saw it as competition).
205. .Canada. is an Indian word meaning .Big Village..
206. Only one in two billion people will live to be 116 or older.
207. If you yelled for 8 years 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
208. Rape is reported every six minutes in the U.S.
209. The human heart creates enough pressure in the bloodstream to squirt blood 30 feet.
210. A jellyfish is 95% water.
211. Truck driving is the most dangerous occupation by accidental deaths (799 in 2001).
212. Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
213. Elephants only sleep for two hours each day.
214. On average people fear spiders more than they do death.
215. The strongest muscle in the human body is the tongue. (the heart is not a muscle)
216. In golf, a .Bo Derek. is a score of 10.
217. In the U.S, Frisbees outsell footballs, baseballs and basketballs combined.
218. In most watch advertisements the time displayed on a watch is 10:10.
219. If you plant an apple seed, it is almost guaranteed to grow a tree of a different type of apple.
220. Al Capone.s business card said he was a used furniture dealer.
221. The only real person to be a PEZ head was Betsy Ross.
222. There are about 450 types of cheese in the world. 240 come from France.
223. When the University of Nebraska Cornhuskers plays football at home the stadium becomes Nebraska.s third largest city.
224. The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street were named after Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra.s .It.s a Wonderful Life..
225. A dragonfly has a lifespan of 24 hours.
226. In Iceland, a Big Mac costs $5.50.
227. Broccoli and cauliflower are the only vegetables that are flowers.
228. Newborn babies have about 350 bones. They gradually merge and disappear until there are about 206 by age 5.
229. There is no solid proof of who built the Taj Mahal.
230. In a survey of 200000 ostriches over 80 years, not one tried to bury its head in the sand.
231. A dime has 118 ridges around the edge. A quarter has 119.
232. On an American one-dollar bill there is a tiny owl in the upper-left-hand corner of the upper-right-hand .1. and a spider hidden in the front upper-right-hand corner.
233. Judy Scheindlin (.Judge Judy.) has a $25,000,000 salary, while Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg has a $190,100 salary.
234. The name for Oz in the Wizard of Oz was thought up when the creator Frank Baum looked at his filing cabinet and saw A-N and O-Z.
235. Andorra, a tiny country on the border between France and Spain, has the longest average lifespan: 83.49 years.
236. The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.
237. Mr. Rogers was an ordained Presbyterian minister.
238. In America you will see an average of 500 advertisements a day.
239. John Lennon.s first girlfriend was named Thelma Pickles.
240. You can lead a cow upstairs but not downstairs.
241. The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.
242. .The sixth sick sheik.s sixth sheep.s sick. is said to be the toughest tongue twister in English.
243. There are 336 dimples on a regulation US golf ball. In the UK its 330.
244. The Toltecs (a 7th century tribe) used wooden swords so they wouldn.t kill their enemies.
245. .Duff. is the decaying organic matter found on a forest floor.
246. The US has more personal computers than the next 7 countries combined.
247. There have been over 600 lawsuits against Alexander Grahm Bell over rights to the patent of the telephone, the most valuable patent in U.S. history.
248. Kuwait is about 60% male (highest in the world). Latvia is about 54% female (highest in the world).
249. The Hawaiian alphabet has only 12 letters.
250. In 10 minutes, a hurricane releases more energy than all the world.s nuclear weapons combined.
251. At the height of its power in 400 BC, the Greek city of Sparta had 25,000 citizens and 500,000 slaves.
252. Julius Caesar.s autograph is worth about $2,000,000.
253. The tool doctors wrap around a patient.s arm to measure blood pressure is called a sphygmomanometer.
254. People say .bless you. when you sneeze because your heart stops for a millisecond.
255. US gold coins used to say .In Gold We Trust..
256. In .Silence of the Lambs., Hannibal Lector (Anthony Hopkins) never blinks.
257. A shrimp.s heart is in its head.
258. In the 17th century, the value of pi was known to 35 decimal places. Today, to 1.2411 trillion.
259. The bestselling books of all time are The Bible (6billion+), Quotations from the Works of Mao Tse-tung (900million+), and The Lord of the Rings (100million+)
260. Pearls melt in vinegar.
261. .Lassie. was played by a group of male dogs; the main one was named Pal.
262. In 1863, Paul Hubert of Bordeaux, France, was sentenced to life in jail for murder. After 21 years, it was discovered that he was convicted of murdering himself.
263. Nepal is the only country that doesn.t have a rectangular flag. Switzerland is the only country with a square flag.
264. Gabriel, Michael, and Lucifer are the only angels named in the Bible.
265. Tiger Woods. real first name is Eldrick. His father gave him the nickname .Tiger. in honor of a South Vietnamese soldier his father had fought alongside with during the Vietnam War.
266. Johnny Appleseed planted apples so that people could use apple cider to make alcohol.
267. Abraham Lincoln.s ghost is said to haunt the White House.
268. God is not mentioned once in the book of Esther.
269. The odds of being born male are about 51.2%, according to census.
270. Scotland has more redheads than any other part of the world.
271. There is an average of 61,000 people airborne over the US at any given moment.
272. Prince Charles and Prince William never travel on the same airplane in case there is a crash.
273. The most popular first name in the world is Muhammad. The most common name (of any type) in the world is Mohammed.
274. The surface of the Earth is about 60% water and 10% ice.
275. For every 230 cars that are made, 1 will be stolen.
276. Jimmy Carter was the first U.S. President to be born in a hospital.
277. Lightning strikes the earth about 8 million times a day.
278. Around 2,000 left-handed people die annually due to improper use of equipment designed only for right handed people.
279. The .if. and .then. parts of conditional (.if P then Q.) statement are called the protasis (P) and apodosis (Q).
280. Humans use a total of 72 different muscles in speech.
281. If you feed a seagull Alka-Seltzer, its stomach will explode.
282. Only female mosquitoes bite.
283. The U.S. Post Office handles 43 percent of the world.s mail.
284. Most household dust is made of dead skin cells.
285. One in about eight million people has progeria, a disease that causes people to grow faster than they age.
286. The male seahorse carries the eggs until they hatch instead of the female.
287. The .countdown. (counting down from 10 for an event such as New-Years Day) was first used in a 1929 German silent film called .Die Frau Im Monde. (The Girl in the Moon).
288. Negative emotions such as anxiety and depression can weaken your immune system.
289. There are seven suicides in the Bible: Abimelech. Samson, Saul, Saul.s armor-bearer, Ahithophel, Zimri, Judas.
290. A mongoose is not a goose but more like a meercat, which is not a cat but more like a prairie dog, which is not a dog but more like a ground squirrel.
291. Stephen Hawking was born exactly 300 years after Galileo died.
292. Mercury is the only planet whose orbit is coplanar with its equator. Venus and Uranus are the only planets that rotate opposite to the direction of their orbit.
293. John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, and James Monroe died on July 4th. Adams and Jefferson died in the same year. Supposedly, Adams last words were .Thomas Jefferson survives..
294. The Baby Ruth candy bar was named after Grover Cleveland.s baby daughter, Ruth, not Babe Ruth the baseball player.
295. Dolphins can look in different directions with each eye. They can sleep with one eye open.
296. The Falkland Isles (pop. about 2000) has over 700000 sheep (350 per person).
297. There are 41,806 different spoken languages in the world today.
298. While many treaties have been signed at or near Paris, France (including many after WWI and WWII), nine are actually known as the .Treaty of Paris.: Seven Years. War (1763), American Revolutionary War (1783), French-Swede War (1810), France vs Sixth Coalition (1814), Battle of Waterloo (1815), Crimean War (1856), Spanish-American War (1898), union of Bessarabia and Romania (1920), establishment of European Coal and Steel Community (1951).
299. Robert Todd Lincoln (Abraham Lincoln.s oldest son) was in Washington DC during his father.s assassination as well as during President Garfield.s assassination, and he was in Buffalo NY when President McKinley was assassinated.
300. The city of Venice stands on about 120 small islands.
301. The past-tense of the English word .dare. is .durst.
2. US Dollar bills are made out of cotton and linen.
3. The .57. on the Heinz ketchup bottle represents the number of pickle types the company once had.
4. Americans are responsible for about 1/5 of the world.s garbage annually. On average, that.s 3 pounds a day per person.
5. Giraffes and rats can last longer without water than camels.
6. Your stomach produces a new layer of mucus every two weeks so that it doesn.t digest itself.
7. 98% of all murders and rapes are by a close family member or friend of the victim.
8. A B-25 bomber crashed into the 79th floor of the Empire State Building on July 28, 1945.
9. The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp (marijuana) paper.
10. The dot over the letter .i. is called a tittle.
11. A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.
12. Benjamin Franklin was the fifth in a series of the youngest son of the youngest son.
13. Triskaidekaphobia means fear of the number 13. Paraskevidekatriaphobia means fear of Friday the 13th (which occurs one to three times a year). In Italy, 17 is considered an unlucky number. In Japan, 4 is considered an unlucky number.
14. A female ferret will die if it goes into heat and cannot find a mate.
15. All the chemicals in a human body combined are worth about 6.25 euro (if sold separately).
16. In ancient Rome, when a man testified in court he would swear on his testicles.
17. The ZIP in .ZIP code. means Zoning Improvement Plan.
18. Coca-Cola contained Coca (whose active ingredient is cocaine) from 1885 to 1903.
19. A .2 by 4. is really 1 1/2 by 3 1/2.
20. It.s estimated that at any one time around 0.7% of the world.s population is drunk.
21. Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history: Spades = David ; Clubs = Alexander the Great ; Hearts = Charlemagne ; Diamonds = Caesar
22. 40% of McDonald.s profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.
23. Every person, including identical twins, has a unique eye and tongue print along with their finger print.
24. The .spot. on the 7-Up logo comes from its inventor who had red eyes. He was an albino.
25. 315 entries in Webster.s 1996 dictionary were misspelled.
26. The .save. icon in Microsoft Office programs shows a floppy disk with the shutter on backwards.
27. Albert Einstein and Charles Darwin both married their first cousins (Elsa L�wenthal and Emma Wedgewood respectively).
28. Camel.s have three eyelids.
29. On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents every day.
30. John Wilkes Booth.s brother once saved the life of Abraham Lincoln.s son.
31. Warren Beatty and Shirley McLaine are brother and sister.
32. Chocolate can kill dogs; it directly affects their heart and nervous system.
33. Daniel Boone hated coonskin caps.
34. Playing cards were issued to British pilots in WWII. If captured, they could be soaked in water and unfolded to reveal a map for escape.
35. 55.1% of all US prisoners are in prison for drug offenses.
36. Most lipstick contains fish scales.
37. Orcas (killer whales) kill sharks by torpedoing up into the shark.s stomach from underneath, causing the shark to explode.
38. Dr. Seuss pronounced his name .soyce..
39. Slugs have four noses.
40. Ketchup was sold in the 1830s as medicine.
41. The Three Wise Monkeys have names: Mizaru (See no evil), Mikazaru (Hear no evil), and Mazaru (Speak no evil).
42. India has a Bill of Rights for cows.
43. If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die. If you keep your eyes open by force, they can pop out. (DON.T TRY IT, DUMBASS)
44. During the California gold rush of 1849, miners sent their laundry to Honolulu for washing and pressing. Due to the extremely high costs in California during these boom years, it was deemed more feasible to send their shirts to Hawaii for servicing.
45. American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by taking out an olive from First Class salads.
46. About 200,000,000 M&Ms are sold each day in the United States.
47. Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.
48. Over a course of about eleven years, the sun.s magnetic poles switch places. This cycle is called .Solarmax..
49. There are 318,979,564,000 possible combinations of the first four moves in Chess.
50. Upper and lower case letters are named .upper. and .lower. because in the time when all original print had to be set in individual letters, the upper case letters were stored in the case on top of the case that stored the lower case letters.
51. There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos.
52. The numbers .172. can be found on the back of the US 5 dollar bill, in the bushes at the base of the Lincoln Memorial.
53. Coconuts kill about 150 people each year. That.s more than sharks.
54. Half of all bank robberies take place on a Friday.
55. The name Wendy was made up for the book Peter Pan. There was never a recorded Wendy before it.
56. The international telephone dialing code for Antarctica is 672.
57. The first bomb the Allies dropped on Berlin in WWII killed the only elephant in the Berlin Zoo.
58. The average raindrop falls at 7 miles per hour.
59. It took Leonardo Da Vinci 10 years to paint Mona Lisa. He never signed or dated the painting. Leonardo and Mona had identical bone structures according to the painting. X-ray images have shown that there are 3 other versions under the original.
60. If you put a drop of liquor on a scorpion, it will instantly go mad and sting itself to death.
61. Bruce Lee was so fast that they had to slow the film down so you could see his moves.
62. The largest amount of money you can have without having change for a dollar is $1.19 (3 quarters, 4 dimes, and 4 pennies cannot be divided into a dollar).
63. The first CD pressed in the US was Bruce Springsteen.s .Born in the USA..
64. IBM.s motto is .Think.. Apple later made their motto .Think different..
65. The mask used by Michael Myers in the original .Halloween. was actually a Captain Kirk mask painted white, due to low budget.
66. The original name for butterfly was flutterby.
67. The phrase .rule of thumb. is derived from an old English law, which stated that you couldn.t beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.
68. One in fourteen women in America is a natural blonde. Only one in sixteen men is.
69. The Olympic was the sister ship of the Titanic, and she provided twenty-five years of service.
70. When the Titanic sank, 2228 people were on it. Only 706 survived.
71. In America, someone is diagnosed with AIDS every 10 minutes. In South Africa, someone dies due to HIV or AIDS every 10 minutes.
72. Every day, 7% of the US eats at McDonald.s.
73. The first product Motorola started to develop was a record player for automobiles. At that time, the most known player on the market was Victrola, which Motorola got their name from.
74. In the US, about 127 million adults are overweight or obese; worldwide, 750 million are overweight and 300 million more are obese. In the US, 15% of children in elementary school are overweight; 20% are worldwide.
75. In Disney.s Fantasia, the Sorcerer to whom Mickey played an apprentice was named Yensid (Disney spelled backward).
76. During his entire life, Vincent Van Gogh sold exactly one painting, .Red Vineyard at Arles..
77. By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you cannot sink into quicksand.
78. One in ten people live on an island.
79. It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with.
80. 28% of Africa is classified as wilderness. In North America, its 38%.
81. Charlie Chaplin once won third prize in a Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest.
82. Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying.
83. Sherlock Holmes NEVER said .Elementary, my dear Watson., Humphrey Bogart NEVER said .Play it again, Sam. in Casablanca, and they NEVER said .Beam me up, Scotty. on Star Trek.
84. An old law in Bellingham, Washington, made it illegal for a woman to take more than 3 steps backwards while dancing.
85. Sharon Stone was the first Star Search spokes model.
86. The sound you here when you put a seashell next to your ear is not the ocean, but blood flowing through your head.
87. More people are afraid of open spaces (kenophobia) than of tight spaces (claustrophobia).
88. The glue on Israeli postage is certified kosher.
89. There is a 1 in 4 chance that New York will have a white Christmas.
90. The Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from Public Libraries.
91. Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.
92. Back in the mid to late .80s, an IBM compatible computer wasn.t considered 100% compatible unless it could run Microsoft.s Flight Simulator.
93. $203,000,000 is spent on barbed wire each year in the U.S.
94. Every US president has worn glasses (just not always in public).
95. Bats always turn left when exiting a cave.
96. Jim Henson first coined the word .Muppet.. It is a combination of .marionette. and .puppet..
97. The names of all the continents end with the same letter that they start with (not counting the words .North. and .South).
98. The Michelin man is known as Mr. Bib. His name was Bibendum in the company.s first ads in 1896.
99. About 20% of bird species have become extinct in the past 200 years, almost all of them because of human activity.
100. The word .lethologica. describes the state of not being able to remember the word you want.
101. About 14% of injecting drug users are HIV positive.
102. A word or sentence that is the same front and back (racecar, kayak) is called a .palindrome..
103. A snail can sleep for 3 years.
104. People photocopying their buttocks are the cause of 23% of all photocopier faults worldwide.
105. China has more English speakers than the United States.
106. Finnish folklore says that when Santa comes to Finland to deliver gifts, he leaves his sleigh behind and rides on a goat named Ukko instead. According to French tradition, Santa Claus has a brother named Bells Nichols, who visits homes on New Year.s Eve after everyone is asleep, and if a plate is set out for him, he fills it with cookies and cakes.
107. One in every 9000 people is an albino.
108. The electric chair was invented by a dentist.
109. You share your birthday with at least 9 million other people in the world.
110. Everyday, more money is printed for Monopoly sets than for the U.S. Treasury.
111. Every year 4 people in the UK die putting their trousers on.
112. Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds; dogs only have about ten.
113. Our eyes are always the same size from birth but our nose and ears never stop growing.
114. In every episode of .Seinfeld. there is a Superman picture or reference somewhere.
115. If Barbie were life-size her measurements would be 39-23-33. She would stand seven feet two inches tall and have a neck twice the length of a normal human.s neck.
116. Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over million descendants.
117. Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.
118. Each year in America there are about 300,000 deaths that can be attributed to obesity.
119. About 55% of all movies are rated R.
120. About 500 movies are made in the US and 800 in India annually.
121. Arabic numerals are not really Arabic; they were created in India.
122. Title 14, Section 1211 of the Code of Federal Regulations (implemented on July 16, 1969) makes it illegal for U.S. citizens to have any contact with extraterrestrials or their vehicles.
123. The February of 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.
124. The Pentagon in Arlington Virginia has twice as many bathrooms as is necessary. When it was built in the 1940s the state of Virginia still had segregation laws requiring separate toilet facilities for blacks and whites.
125. There is actually no danger in swimming right after you eat, though it may feel uncomfortable.
126. The cruise liner Queen Elizabeth II moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.
127. More than 50% of the people in the world have never made or received a telephone call.
128. A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.
129. There are about 2 chickens for every human in the world.
130. The word .maverick. came into use after Samuel Maverick, a Texan refused to brand his cattle. Eventually any unbranded calf became known as a Maverick.
131. Two-thirds of the world.s eggplant is grown in New Jersey.
132. For every memorial statue with a person on a horse, if the horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle; if the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died of battle wounds; if all four of the horse.s legs are on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
133. On a Canadian two-dollar bill, the American flag is flying over the Parliament Building.
134. An American urologist bought Napoleon.s penis for $40,000.
135. No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.
136. Dreamt is the only English word that ends in the letters .MT..
137. $283,200 is the absolute highest amount of money you can win on Jeopardy.
138. Almonds are members of the peach family.
139. Rats and horses can.t vomit.
140. The penguin is the only bird that can.t fly but can swim.
141. There are approximately 100 million acts of sexual intercourse each day.
142. Winston Churchill was born in a ladies room during a dance.
143. Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.
144. There are only four words in the English language that end in .-dous.: tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.
145. Americans on average eat 18 acres of pizza every day.
146. Every time you lick a stamp you consume 1/10 of a calorie.
147. .101 Dalmatians. and .Peter Pan. are the only Disney animations in which both of a character.s parents are present and don.t die during the movie.
148. You are more likely to be killed by a champagne cork than by a poisonous spider.
149. Hedenophobic means fear of pleasure.
150. Ancient Egyptian priests would pluck every hair from their bodies.
151. A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.
152. Half of all crimes are committed by people under the age of 18. 80% of burglaries are committed by people aged 13-21.
153. An ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
154. All polar bears are left-handed.
155. The catfish has over 27000 taste buds (more than any other animal)
156. A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death.
157. Butterflies taste with their feet.
158. Elephants are the only mammals that cannot jump.
159. An ostrich.s eye is bigger than its brain.
160. Starfish have no brains.
161. 11% of the world is left-handed.
162. John Hancock and Charles Thomson were the only people to sign the Declaration of independence on July 4th, 1776. The last signature came five years later.
163. Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
164. Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.
165. The national anthem of Greece has 158 verses.
166. There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.
167. A healthy (non-colorblind) human eye can distinguish between 500 shades of gray.
168. A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.
169. Lizards can self-amputate their tails for protection. It grows back after a few months.
170. Los Angeles. full name is .El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula.. It can be abbreviated to 3.63% of its size: L.A.
171. A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.
172. A honeybee can fly at fifteen miles per hour.
173. Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.
174. A .jiffy. is the scientific name for 1/100th of a second.
175. The average child recognizes over 200 company logos by the time he enters first grade.
176. The youngest pope ever was 11 years old.
177. The first novel ever written on a typewriter is Tom Sawyer.
178. One out of every 43 prisoners escapes from jail. 94% are recaptured.
179. The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.
180. The average chocolate bar has 8 insects. legs melted into it.
181. A rhinoceros horn is made of compacted hair.
182. The shortest war in history was between Zanzibar and England in 1896. Zanzibar surrendered after 38 minutes.
183. Elwood Edwards did the voice for the AOL sound files (i.e. .You.ve got Mail!.). He is heard about 27 million times a day. The recordings were done before Quantum changed its name to AOL and the program was known as .Q-Link..
184. A polar bears skin is black. Its fur is actually clear, but like snow it appears white.
185. Elvis had a twin brother named Garon, who died at birth, which is why Elvis middle name was spelled Aron, in honor of his brother.
186. Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors.
187. Donkeys kill more people than plane crashes.
188. Shakespeare invented the words .assassination. and .bump..
189. There are a million ants for every person on Earth.
190. If you keep a goldfish in the dark room, it will eventually turn white.
191. Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
192. The name Jeep comes from .GP., the army abbreviation for General Purpose.
193. Right handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left handed people do.
194. There are two credit cards for every person in the United States.
195. Cats. urine glows under a black light.
196. A .quidnunc. is a person who is eager to know the latest news and gossip.
197. The first US Patent was for manufacturing potassium carbonate (used in glass and gunpowder). It was issued to Samuel Hopkins on July 31, 1970.
198. Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors, the helicopter, and many other present day items.
199. In the last 4000 years no new animals have been domesticated.
200. 25% of a human.s bones are in its feet.
201. David Sarnoff received the Titanic.s distress signal and saved hundreds of passengers. He later became the head of the first radio network, the National Broadcasting Company (NBC).
202. On average, 100 people choke to death on ballpoint pens every year.
203. Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than every Nike factory worker in Malaysia combined.
204. One of the reasons marijuana is illegal today is because cotton growers in the .30s lobbied against hemp farmers (they saw it as competition).
205. .Canada. is an Indian word meaning .Big Village..
206. Only one in two billion people will live to be 116 or older.
207. If you yelled for 8 years 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
208. Rape is reported every six minutes in the U.S.
209. The human heart creates enough pressure in the bloodstream to squirt blood 30 feet.
210. A jellyfish is 95% water.
211. Truck driving is the most dangerous occupation by accidental deaths (799 in 2001).
212. Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
213. Elephants only sleep for two hours each day.
214. On average people fear spiders more than they do death.
215. The strongest muscle in the human body is the tongue. (the heart is not a muscle)
216. In golf, a .Bo Derek. is a score of 10.
217. In the U.S, Frisbees outsell footballs, baseballs and basketballs combined.
218. In most watch advertisements the time displayed on a watch is 10:10.
219. If you plant an apple seed, it is almost guaranteed to grow a tree of a different type of apple.
220. Al Capone.s business card said he was a used furniture dealer.
221. The only real person to be a PEZ head was Betsy Ross.
222. There are about 450 types of cheese in the world. 240 come from France.
223. When the University of Nebraska Cornhuskers plays football at home the stadium becomes Nebraska.s third largest city.
224. The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street were named after Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra.s .It.s a Wonderful Life..
225. A dragonfly has a lifespan of 24 hours.
226. In Iceland, a Big Mac costs $5.50.
227. Broccoli and cauliflower are the only vegetables that are flowers.
228. Newborn babies have about 350 bones. They gradually merge and disappear until there are about 206 by age 5.
229. There is no solid proof of who built the Taj Mahal.
230. In a survey of 200000 ostriches over 80 years, not one tried to bury its head in the sand.
231. A dime has 118 ridges around the edge. A quarter has 119.
232. On an American one-dollar bill there is a tiny owl in the upper-left-hand corner of the upper-right-hand .1. and a spider hidden in the front upper-right-hand corner.
233. Judy Scheindlin (.Judge Judy.) has a $25,000,000 salary, while Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg has a $190,100 salary.
234. The name for Oz in the Wizard of Oz was thought up when the creator Frank Baum looked at his filing cabinet and saw A-N and O-Z.
235. Andorra, a tiny country on the border between France and Spain, has the longest average lifespan: 83.49 years.
236. The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.
237. Mr. Rogers was an ordained Presbyterian minister.
238. In America you will see an average of 500 advertisements a day.
239. John Lennon.s first girlfriend was named Thelma Pickles.
240. You can lead a cow upstairs but not downstairs.
241. The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.
242. .The sixth sick sheik.s sixth sheep.s sick. is said to be the toughest tongue twister in English.
243. There are 336 dimples on a regulation US golf ball. In the UK its 330.
244. The Toltecs (a 7th century tribe) used wooden swords so they wouldn.t kill their enemies.
245. .Duff. is the decaying organic matter found on a forest floor.
246. The US has more personal computers than the next 7 countries combined.
247. There have been over 600 lawsuits against Alexander Grahm Bell over rights to the patent of the telephone, the most valuable patent in U.S. history.
248. Kuwait is about 60% male (highest in the world). Latvia is about 54% female (highest in the world).
249. The Hawaiian alphabet has only 12 letters.
250. In 10 minutes, a hurricane releases more energy than all the world.s nuclear weapons combined.
251. At the height of its power in 400 BC, the Greek city of Sparta had 25,000 citizens and 500,000 slaves.
252. Julius Caesar.s autograph is worth about $2,000,000.
253. The tool doctors wrap around a patient.s arm to measure blood pressure is called a sphygmomanometer.
254. People say .bless you. when you sneeze because your heart stops for a millisecond.
255. US gold coins used to say .In Gold We Trust..
256. In .Silence of the Lambs., Hannibal Lector (Anthony Hopkins) never blinks.
257. A shrimp.s heart is in its head.
258. In the 17th century, the value of pi was known to 35 decimal places. Today, to 1.2411 trillion.
259. The bestselling books of all time are The Bible (6billion+), Quotations from the Works of Mao Tse-tung (900million+), and The Lord of the Rings (100million+)
260. Pearls melt in vinegar.
261. .Lassie. was played by a group of male dogs; the main one was named Pal.
262. In 1863, Paul Hubert of Bordeaux, France, was sentenced to life in jail for murder. After 21 years, it was discovered that he was convicted of murdering himself.
263. Nepal is the only country that doesn.t have a rectangular flag. Switzerland is the only country with a square flag.
264. Gabriel, Michael, and Lucifer are the only angels named in the Bible.
265. Tiger Woods. real first name is Eldrick. His father gave him the nickname .Tiger. in honor of a South Vietnamese soldier his father had fought alongside with during the Vietnam War.
266. Johnny Appleseed planted apples so that people could use apple cider to make alcohol.
267. Abraham Lincoln.s ghost is said to haunt the White House.
268. God is not mentioned once in the book of Esther.
269. The odds of being born male are about 51.2%, according to census.
270. Scotland has more redheads than any other part of the world.
271. There is an average of 61,000 people airborne over the US at any given moment.
272. Prince Charles and Prince William never travel on the same airplane in case there is a crash.
273. The most popular first name in the world is Muhammad. The most common name (of any type) in the world is Mohammed.
274. The surface of the Earth is about 60% water and 10% ice.
275. For every 230 cars that are made, 1 will be stolen.
276. Jimmy Carter was the first U.S. President to be born in a hospital.
277. Lightning strikes the earth about 8 million times a day.
278. Around 2,000 left-handed people die annually due to improper use of equipment designed only for right handed people.
279. The .if. and .then. parts of conditional (.if P then Q.) statement are called the protasis (P) and apodosis (Q).
280. Humans use a total of 72 different muscles in speech.
281. If you feed a seagull Alka-Seltzer, its stomach will explode.
282. Only female mosquitoes bite.
283. The U.S. Post Office handles 43 percent of the world.s mail.
284. Most household dust is made of dead skin cells.
285. One in about eight million people has progeria, a disease that causes people to grow faster than they age.
286. The male seahorse carries the eggs until they hatch instead of the female.
287. The .countdown. (counting down from 10 for an event such as New-Years Day) was first used in a 1929 German silent film called .Die Frau Im Monde. (The Girl in the Moon).
288. Negative emotions such as anxiety and depression can weaken your immune system.
289. There are seven suicides in the Bible: Abimelech. Samson, Saul, Saul.s armor-bearer, Ahithophel, Zimri, Judas.
290. A mongoose is not a goose but more like a meercat, which is not a cat but more like a prairie dog, which is not a dog but more like a ground squirrel.
291. Stephen Hawking was born exactly 300 years after Galileo died.
292. Mercury is the only planet whose orbit is coplanar with its equator. Venus and Uranus are the only planets that rotate opposite to the direction of their orbit.
293. John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, and James Monroe died on July 4th. Adams and Jefferson died in the same year. Supposedly, Adams last words were .Thomas Jefferson survives..
294. The Baby Ruth candy bar was named after Grover Cleveland.s baby daughter, Ruth, not Babe Ruth the baseball player.
295. Dolphins can look in different directions with each eye. They can sleep with one eye open.
296. The Falkland Isles (pop. about 2000) has over 700000 sheep (350 per person).
297. There are 41,806 different spoken languages in the world today.
298. While many treaties have been signed at or near Paris, France (including many after WWI and WWII), nine are actually known as the .Treaty of Paris.: Seven Years. War (1763), American Revolutionary War (1783), French-Swede War (1810), France vs Sixth Coalition (1814), Battle of Waterloo (1815), Crimean War (1856), Spanish-American War (1898), union of Bessarabia and Romania (1920), establishment of European Coal and Steel Community (1951).
299. Robert Todd Lincoln (Abraham Lincoln.s oldest son) was in Washington DC during his father.s assassination as well as during President Garfield.s assassination, and he was in Buffalo NY when President McKinley was assassinated.
300. The city of Venice stands on about 120 small islands.
301. The past-tense of the English word .dare. is .durst.
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Useless Facts
Assuming Rudolph is in front, the number of possible way to arrange Santa's other eight reindeer is 40,320.
Divide your weight by six to get the approximate number of quarts of blood in your body.
A rat can go without water longer than a camel can.
The Monongahela River's name translated into English means "high banks breaking off and falling down in places."
The most common name in the world is Mohammed.
Hummingbirds are the only animal that can fly backwards.
During his life time, the average male eats 50 tons of food.
Hydroxydesoxycorticosterone and hydroxydeoxycorticosterones are the largest anagrams.
The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.
Canada is an Indian word meaning "Big Village."
It was discovered on a space mission that a frog can throw up. The frog throws up it's stomach first, so the stomach is dangling out of it's mouth. Then the frog uses it's forearms to dig out all of the stomach's contents and then swallows the stomach back down again.
The human body contains enough fat to make seven bars of soap and enough iron to make a single one inch nail.
Most heart attacks occur between 6:00 a.m. and noon when blood pressure naturally rises.
Twenty-six astronauts have reported seeing UFOs while in orbit around the Earth.
Fingernails grow four times faster than toenails--about two hundredths of an inch per week.
Dr. Samuel A. Mudd was the physician who set the leg of Lincoln's assassin John Wilkes Booth...and whose shame created the expression for ignominy, "His name is Mudd."
Playing cards were issued to British pilots in WWII. If captured, they could be soaked in water and unfolded to reveal a map for escape.
Your brain uses 10 times more oxygen than the rest of your body.
Because the eyes work harder when viewing objects up close, particularly on a computer monitor, it is the proximity of the VDT screen to the eyes that causes eyestrain, not "radiation" emitted from the screen.
Albert Einstein didn't talk until he was four years old.
"I am" is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.
Most precious gems are actually colorless. Their color comes from impurities in the stone than act as pigmenting agents.
Gordon Sumner, the rock star and actor known as Sting, got his nickname from the yellow-and-black jerseys he used to wear, which fellow musicians thought made him look like a bumble bee.
A lightning bolt heats the air around it to three times the temperature of the sun's surface.
For every shark that takes a bite out of a human being, humans kill about a million sharks.
Ben and Jerry's send the waste from making ice cream to local pig farmers to use as feed. Pigs love the stuff, except for one flavor: Mint Oreo.
They live an average of 77 years and have the longest lifespan in the United States - nuns.
Wilma Flintstone's maiden name was Wilma Slaghoopal, and Betty Rubble's Maiden name was Betty Jean Mcbricker.
A giant squid's eye is the largest of any animal's, exceeding 15 inches in diameter.
The shoestring was invented in England in 1790. Prior to this time, all shoes were fastened with buckles.
The state of Kansas once passed legislation rounding off the value of Pi from 3.14159265... to an even 3.
The average American adult has 23 decayed or filled surfaces.
The life span of a taste bud is ten days.
Until 1890, Vatican choirboys were castrated to keep their voices from deepening.
Gymnastics is the only sport more popular with women than with men.
In 1879 a drug was introduced to treat morphine addiction. The drug: cocaine.
The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street were named after Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra's "Its A Wonderful Life"
Research indicates that mosquitoes are attracted to people who have recently eaten bananas.
Studies show that if a cat falls off the seventh floor of a building it has about thirty percent less chance of surviving than a cat that falls off the twentieth floor. It supposedly takes about eight floors for the cat to realize what is occurring, relax and correct itself. How they tested this I'm afraid to ask.
If you toss a penny 10,000 times, it will not be heads 5000 times, but more like 4950. The heads picture weighs more, so it ends up on the bottom.
If your eyes are six feet above the surface of the ocean, the horizon will be about three statute miles away.
Alaska has the highest percentage of Baby Boomers; Utah the lowest.
If NASA sent birds into space they would soon die, they need gravity to swallow.
Armored knights raised their visors to identify themselves when they rode past their king. This custom has become the modern military salute.
Every time you lick a stamp, you're consuming 1/10 of a calorie.
On average, an adult laughs about 15 times a day; a child laughs 400 times.
In medieval England beer was often served with breakfast.
The lens of the eye continues to grow throughout a person's life.
The Atlantic Ocean is saltier than the Pacific Ocean.
The telephone area code for a cruise ship in the Atlantic Ocean is 871.
There are more stars in the universe, than grains of sand on all the beaches in the world.
On the day that "The Wizard of Oz's" Judy Garland died, a tornado touched down in Kansas.
If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle; if the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle; if the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
"111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321"
The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher.
The bones of a pigeon weigh less than its feathers.
At 90 degrees (F) below zero your breath will freeze in midair and fall to the ground.
The average person is about a quarter of an inch taller at night.
A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.
Charles Lindbergh took only four sandwiches with him on his famous transatlantic flight.
3000 cows are needed to supply the leather for a year.s supply of NFL footballs.
Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
If there were ever an ocean big enough, Saturn would be the only planet that could float.
Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.
The Hewlett Packard computer company.s first product was an automatic urinal flusher.
All the coal, oil, gas, and wood on Earth would only keep the Sun burning for a few days.
A group of rhinos is called a crash.
Bank robber John Dillinger played professional baseball.
At Old English weddings, guests through shoes at the groom.
Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.
The longest recorded flight of a chicken is thirteen seconds.
Your hearing is not as sharp on a full stomach.
The last United States train robbery took place in 1933.
A 1,200 pound horse eats about 15 lbs. of hay and nine pounds of grain everyday (seven times its own weight each year).
Einstein couldn.t read until the age of nine.
The two lines that connect the bottom of your nose to your lip are called the philtrum.
Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks otherwise it will digest itself.
1/100th of a second is called a "jiffy".
A group of kangaroos is called a mob.
The housefly hums in the middle octave, key of F.
"J", the youngest letter in the English alphabet, was not added until the 1600s.
It takes around 200,000 frowns to create a permanent brow line.
The Baby Ruth candy bar was actually named after Grover Cleveland's baby daughter, Ruth.
The fastest-moving land snail is the common qarden snail whose top speed is 55 yards per hour or 0.0313 mph.
The most common time to sight a UFO is 11pm.
There are 31,557,600 seconds in a year.
The right lung takes in more air than the left.
On average, Americans buy 1.5 toothbrushes a year.
60% of the swimsuits sold in the U.S. never get wet.
It takes about 30 minutes for an aspirin to find a headache.
In Nepal, Mt. Everest is known as "Gauriosankar".
Los Angeles Police Department ballistics experts say that the fastest bullet is fired from a .223 caliber rifle and travels at 3,500 feet per second, more than 3 times the speed of sound.
If an octopus is hungry enough, it will eat its own arms.
The knee-high measurement of an average-sized grasshopper is about 1/2 inch.
An ostrich's eye is bigger than it's brain.
A group of cows, twelve or more, are known as a "flink."
In a survey of 5,000 U.S. nurses, 40 percent said they would not recommend the medical facility where they worked to a relative.
The ancient Romans died their hair with bird droppings.
Only pharoahs were allowed to eat mushrooms in ancient Egypt.
What area of your body has the most bacteria? Between your toes.
Jimmy Carter was the first U.S. president to have been born in a hospital.
Ratio of inductees into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame who are hearing impaired: 3 in 5.
The Yo-yo is believed to be the second-oldest toy in the world after dolls. The Greeks played with yo-yos as far back as 500 B.C.
You use 15 different muscles in your face to laugh.
The Sanskrit word for "war" means "desire for more cows."
A group of ravens is called a murder.
Cleo and Caesar were the early stage names of Cher and Sonny Bono.
Only about half of all spiders spin webs.
Kangaroos are lactose-intolerant.
Charles Darwin's cousin invented the IQ test.
Goats can.t legally wear trousers in Massachusetts.
Niagara Falls was created by a glacier.
Abraham Lincoln hated being called "Abe".
5% of Americans let their dishes pile up for a couple of days before washing them.
Clams can live as long as 150 years.
In ancient China, doctors received their fees only if their patients were kept healthy. If the patient's health failed, the doctor sometimes paid the patient.
It.s illegal to ride an ugly horse down the street in Wilbur, Washington.
The skin on your eyelid is one one-thousandth of an inch deep (the thinnest); the skin on your back is one-fifth of an inch (the thickest).
According to research, you.ll blow your nose about 250 times this year.
Cows can be identified by noseprints.
There are 2,598,960 possible hands in a five-card poker game.
A group of frogs is called an army.
101 Dalmatians and Peter Pan (Wendy) are the only two Disney cartoon features with both parents are present and don't die throughout the entire movie.
An electric eel's charge is so potent it can knock a horse unconscious from twenty feet away.
70% of house dust consists of human skin.
Artichokes are flowers.
Elephants breathe 12 times a minute.
It's impossible to snore in the weightlessness of space.
Mosquitos have 47 teeth.
An ecstatically weeping woman paid $8,625 at an auction for a pair of horseshoes worn by Mr. Ed.
Mel Blanc (the voice of Bugs Bunny) was allergic to carrots.
The first tennis balls were stuffed with human hair.
The average blink of an eye lasts one-tenth of a second.
The average American uses 12 gallons of water while showering.
Abe Lincoln's favorite sport was wrestling.
In the Middle Ages, you were supposed to throw eggs at the bride and groom.
In Lawrence, Kansas, it.s against the law to carry bees around in your hat on city streets.
According to the Consumer Product Safety Commission, the number of injuries caused by plug-in air fresheners is 1,823.
"Stewardesses" is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand.
In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak.
Tomato ketchup was once sold in the U.S. as a medicine.
Snakes can get malaria.
Only 30% of humans can flare their nostrils.
Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors.
Ducks can get the flu.
Siberia means "sleeping land."
In the Leaning Tower of Pisa, 6 of the tower.s eight floors are without safety rails. More than 250 people have fallen to their deaths since 1174.
Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.
There are more chickens than people in the world.
The longest one-syllable word in the English language is "screeched."
All of the clocks in the movie "Pulp Fiction" are stuck on 4:20.
No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver or purple.
"Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt."
Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.
There are only four words in the English language which end in "-dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.
Los Angeles's full name is "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula"--and can be abbreviated to 3.63% of its size: "L.A."
A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.
The only real person to be a Pez head was Betsy Ross.
When the University of Nebraska Cornhuskers play football at home, the stadium becomes the state's third largest city.
A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.
A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.
On an American one-dollar bill, there is an owl in the upper left-hand corner of the "1" encased in the "shield" and a spider hidden in the front upper right-hand corner.
It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.(DON'T try this @ home!)
Mr.Rogers is an ordained minister.
A golden razor removed from King Tut's Tomb was still sharp enough to be used.
Abdul Kassam Ismael, Grand Vizier of Persia in the tenth century, carried his library with him wherever he went. The 117,000 volumes were carried by 400 camels trained to walk in alphabetical order.
According to the Encyclopedia Britannica, 11th Edition, from 1910-1911, the word toast was borrowed from the Old French toste, which has the Latin root of torrere, tostum, meaning to scorch or burn.
Acting was once considered evil, and actors in the first English play to be performed in America were arrested.
All of the officers in the Confederate army were given copies of Les Miserables, by Victor Hugo, to carry with them at all times. Robert E. Lee, among others, believed that the book symbolized their cause. Both revolts were defeated.
All office seekers in the Roman empire were obliged to wear a certain white toga for a period of one year before the election.
At the turn of the last millennium, Dublin Ireland had the largest slave market in the world, run by the Vikings.
Aztec emperor Montezuma had a nephew, Cuitlahac, whose name meant plenty of excrement.
Before the 1800's there were no separately designed shoes for right and left feet.
Czar Paul I banished soldiers to Siberia for marching out of step.
Dog Days: Days of great heat. The Romans called the hottest weeks of summer canculares dies. Their theory was that the Dog Star (Sirius) rising with the sun, added to its heat and the dog-days (about July 3 to August 11) bore the combined heat of both.
During 18th century France, visitors to the royal palace in Versailles were allowed to stand in a roped-off section of the main dining room and watch the king and queen eat.
During the Cambrian period, about 500 million years ago, a day was only 20.6 hours long.
During the Depression, banks first used Scotch tape to mend torn currency.
During the eighteenth century, books that were considered offensive were sometimes punished by being whipped.
Everyone believed in the Middle Ages--as Aristotle had--that the heart was the seat of intelligence.
Evidence of shoemaking exists as early as 10,000 B.C.
Francis Scott Key was a young lawyer who wrote the poem 'The Star Spangled Banner' after being inspired by watching the Americans fight off the British attack of Baltimore during the War of 1812. The poem became the words to the national anthem.
If a family had 2 servants or less in the U.S. in 1900, census takers recorded it as lower middle-class.
If we had the same mortality rate as in the 1900s, more than half the people in the world today would not be alive.
If you were born in Los Alamos, New Mexico during the Manhattan project (where they made the atomic bomb), your birth place is listed as a post office box in Albequerque.
In 1778, fashionable women of Paris never went out in blustery weather without a lightning rod attached to their hats.
In ancient Egypt, killing a cat was a crime punishable by death.
In certain parts of India and ancient China, mouse meat was considered a delicacy.
In midieval England, beer often was served with breakfast.
In the 1700's, you could purchase insurance against going to hell, in London, England.
It cost more to buy a car today in the United States than it cost Christopher Columbus to equip and undertake three voyages to the New World.
It has been calculated that in the last 3,500 years, there have only been 230 years of peace throughout the civilized world.
January is National Soup month.
Native Americans never actually ate turkey; killing such a timid bird was thought to indicate laziness.
53,312 inmate lawsuits were filed nationwide in 1995.
A Virginia law requires all bathtubs to be kept out in the yards, not inside the house.
According to British law passed in 1845, attempting to commit suicide was a capital offense. Offenders could be hanged for trying.
Christmas was once illegal in England.
George Washington is the only man whose birthday is a legal holiday in every state of the U.S as of a few years ago.
Impotence is legal grounds for divorce in 24 American states.
In Alaska it is illegal to shoot at a moose from the window of an aeroplane or other flying vehicle.
In Baltimore USA it is illegal to wash or scrub a sink regardless of how dirty it is.
In Cleveland, Ohio it is illegal to catch mice without a hunting license.
In Hartford, Connecticut, it is illegal for a husband to kiss his wife on Sundays.
In Kentucky, it is illegal to carry ice-cream in your back pocket.
In Texas, it is illegal to put graffiti on someone else's cow.
In the UK, there is no act of parliament making it illegal to commit murder. Murder is only illegal due to legal precedent.
It is illegal to eat oranges while bathing in California.
It is illegal to frown at cows in Bladworth, Saskatchewan.
It is illegal to hunt camels in the state of Arizona.
It was once against the law to have a pet dog in a city in Iceland.
It was once against the law to slam your car door in a city in Switzerland.
Mailing an entire building has been illegal in the U.S. since 1916 when a man mailed a 40,000-ton brick house across Utah to avoid high freight rates.
Pennsylvania was the first colony to legalize witchcraft.
107 incorrect medical procedures will be performed by the end of the day today.
A Boeing 747's wingspan is longer than the Wright brother's first flight.
A bolt of lighting can strike the earth with a force as great as 100 million volts.
A cesium atom in an atomic clock beats 9,192,631,770 times a second.
A creep is a metallurgical term for when something that is normally very strong bends because of gravity. This happens to many metals at high temperatures, where they won't melt but they will creep.
A cubic mile of fog is made up of less than a gallon of water.
A device invented as a primitive steam engine by the Greek engineer Hero, about the time of the birth of Christ, is used today as a rotating lawn sprinkler.
A full moon always rises at sunset.
A full moon is nine times brighter than a half moon.
A jumbo jet uses 4,000 gallons of fuel to take off.
A normal raindrop falls at about 7 miles per hour.
A penny whistle has six finger holes.
A rainbow can only occur when the sun is 40 degrees or less above the horizon.
A silicon chip a quarter-inch square has the capacity of the original 1949 ENIAC computer, which occupied a city block.
A standard grave is 7'8 x 3'2 x 6.
A syzygy occurs when three atronomical bodies line up.
A two-bit moon is in its first quarter.
A wind with a speed of 74 miles or more is designated a hurricane.
About seven million cars are junked each year in the U.S.
According to the Texas Department of Transportation, one person is killed annually painting stripes on the state's highways and roads.
All snow crystals are hexagonal.
All the gold produced in the past five hundred years, if melted, could be compressed into a 50-foot cube.
All totalled, the sunlight that strikes Earth at any given moment weighs as much as an ocean liner.
American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first class.
An inch of snow falling evenly on one acre of ground is equivalent to about 2715 gallons of water.
Any free moving liquid in outer space will form itself into a sphere because of its surface tension.
Approximately 98% of software in China is pirated.
April is Earthquake Preparedness month. For a little added incentive, consider this- The most powerful earthquake to strike the United States occurred in 1811 in New Madrid, Missouri. The quake shook more than one million square miles, and was felt as far as 1,000 miles away.
At any given time, there are 1,800 thunderstorms in progress over the earth's atmosphere.
Bacteria, the tiniest free-living cells, are so small that a single drop of liquid contains as many as 50 million of them.
Bamboo (the world's tallest grass) can grow up to 90 cm in a day.
Because of the rotation of the earth, an object can be thrown farther if it is thrown west.
Construction workers hard hats were first invented and used in the building of the Hoover Dam in 1933.
Did you know you share a birthday with at least nine other million people in the world?
Each year there is one ton of cement poured for each man, woman and child in the world.
February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not have a full moon.
If you attempted to count the stars in a galaxy at a rate of one every second it would take around 3,000 years to count them all.
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and six days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
Iron nails cannot be used in aok because the acid in the wood corrodes them.
It takes 8.5 minutes for light to get from the sun to earth.
It takes one fifteen-to-twenty-year-old tree to produce seven hundred paper grocery bags.
It takes the insect-eating Venus Flytrap plant only half a second to shut its trap on its prey.
The Venus's flytrap can eat a whole cheeseburger.
4,000 people are injured by tea pots every year.
A 60-minute cassette contains 565 feet of tape.
A coat hanger is forty-four inches long if straightened.
A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.
A good typist can strike twenty keys in a second.
A toothpick is the object most often choked on by Americans
A typical double mattress contains as many as two million house dust mites.
A wedding ring is generally exempt by law from inclusion among the assets in a bankruptcy estate. That means that a wedding ring can't be seized by creditors, no matter how much the bankrupt person owes.
According to a market research survey done some time ago, 68% of consumers receiving junk mail actually open the envelopes.
According to one study, 24% of lawns have some sort of lawn ornament.
All hospitals in Singapore use Pampers diapers.
Aluminum is strong enough to support 90,000 pounds per square inch.
An average of 200 million credit cards are used every day in the United States.
Approximately 30 billion cakes of Ivory Soap had been manufactured by 1990.
As of 1983, an average of three billion Christmas cards were sent annually in the United States.
At the height of inflation in Germany in the early 1920s, one U.S. dollar was equal to 4 quintillion German marks.
Avery Laser Labels are named after company founder R. Stanton Avery.
Colgate faced a big obstacle marketing toothpaste in Spanish speaking countries. Colgate translates into the command "go hang yourself."
Hallmark makes cards for 105 different relationships.
How valuable is the penny you found laying on the ground? If it takes just a second to pick it up a person could make $36.00 per hour just picking up pennies.
If done perfectly, any rubix cube combination can be solved in 17 turns.
If you lace your shoes from the inside to the outside, the fit will be snugger around your big toe.
In 1990, there were about 15,000 vacuum cleaner related accidents in the U.S.
In 75% of American households, women manage the money and pay the bills.
In order for a deck of cards to be mixed up enough to play with properly, it should be shuffled at least seven times.
It's rumored that sucking on a copper penny will cause a breathalyzer to read 0.
Ivory bar soap floating was a mistake. They had been mixing the soap formula causing excess air bubbles that made it float. Customers wrote and told how much they loved that it floated, and it has floated ever since.
Ketchup is excellent for cleaning brass, especially tarnished or corroded brass.
Kleenex tissues were originally used as filters in gas masks.
Mosquito repellants do not repel. They hide you. The spray blocks the mosquito's sensors so they do not know you are there.
Murphy's Oil Soap is the chemical most commonly used to clean elephants.
On average, there are 333 squares of toilet paper on a roll.
The first U.S. coin to bear the words, United States of America was a penny made in 1727. It was also inscribed with the plain-spoken motto: Mind your own business.
Divide your weight by six to get the approximate number of quarts of blood in your body.
A rat can go without water longer than a camel can.
The Monongahela River's name translated into English means "high banks breaking off and falling down in places."
The most common name in the world is Mohammed.
Hummingbirds are the only animal that can fly backwards.
During his life time, the average male eats 50 tons of food.
Hydroxydesoxycorticosterone and hydroxydeoxycorticosterones are the largest anagrams.
The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.
Canada is an Indian word meaning "Big Village."
It was discovered on a space mission that a frog can throw up. The frog throws up it's stomach first, so the stomach is dangling out of it's mouth. Then the frog uses it's forearms to dig out all of the stomach's contents and then swallows the stomach back down again.
The human body contains enough fat to make seven bars of soap and enough iron to make a single one inch nail.
Most heart attacks occur between 6:00 a.m. and noon when blood pressure naturally rises.
Twenty-six astronauts have reported seeing UFOs while in orbit around the Earth.
Fingernails grow four times faster than toenails--about two hundredths of an inch per week.
Dr. Samuel A. Mudd was the physician who set the leg of Lincoln's assassin John Wilkes Booth...and whose shame created the expression for ignominy, "His name is Mudd."
Playing cards were issued to British pilots in WWII. If captured, they could be soaked in water and unfolded to reveal a map for escape.
Your brain uses 10 times more oxygen than the rest of your body.
Because the eyes work harder when viewing objects up close, particularly on a computer monitor, it is the proximity of the VDT screen to the eyes that causes eyestrain, not "radiation" emitted from the screen.
Albert Einstein didn't talk until he was four years old.
"I am" is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.
Most precious gems are actually colorless. Their color comes from impurities in the stone than act as pigmenting agents.
Gordon Sumner, the rock star and actor known as Sting, got his nickname from the yellow-and-black jerseys he used to wear, which fellow musicians thought made him look like a bumble bee.
A lightning bolt heats the air around it to three times the temperature of the sun's surface.
For every shark that takes a bite out of a human being, humans kill about a million sharks.
Ben and Jerry's send the waste from making ice cream to local pig farmers to use as feed. Pigs love the stuff, except for one flavor: Mint Oreo.
They live an average of 77 years and have the longest lifespan in the United States - nuns.
Wilma Flintstone's maiden name was Wilma Slaghoopal, and Betty Rubble's Maiden name was Betty Jean Mcbricker.
A giant squid's eye is the largest of any animal's, exceeding 15 inches in diameter.
The shoestring was invented in England in 1790. Prior to this time, all shoes were fastened with buckles.
The state of Kansas once passed legislation rounding off the value of Pi from 3.14159265... to an even 3.
The average American adult has 23 decayed or filled surfaces.
The life span of a taste bud is ten days.
Until 1890, Vatican choirboys were castrated to keep their voices from deepening.
Gymnastics is the only sport more popular with women than with men.
In 1879 a drug was introduced to treat morphine addiction. The drug: cocaine.
The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street were named after Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra's "Its A Wonderful Life"
Research indicates that mosquitoes are attracted to people who have recently eaten bananas.
Studies show that if a cat falls off the seventh floor of a building it has about thirty percent less chance of surviving than a cat that falls off the twentieth floor. It supposedly takes about eight floors for the cat to realize what is occurring, relax and correct itself. How they tested this I'm afraid to ask.
If you toss a penny 10,000 times, it will not be heads 5000 times, but more like 4950. The heads picture weighs more, so it ends up on the bottom.
If your eyes are six feet above the surface of the ocean, the horizon will be about three statute miles away.
Alaska has the highest percentage of Baby Boomers; Utah the lowest.
If NASA sent birds into space they would soon die, they need gravity to swallow.
Armored knights raised their visors to identify themselves when they rode past their king. This custom has become the modern military salute.
Every time you lick a stamp, you're consuming 1/10 of a calorie.
On average, an adult laughs about 15 times a day; a child laughs 400 times.
In medieval England beer was often served with breakfast.
The lens of the eye continues to grow throughout a person's life.
The Atlantic Ocean is saltier than the Pacific Ocean.
The telephone area code for a cruise ship in the Atlantic Ocean is 871.
There are more stars in the universe, than grains of sand on all the beaches in the world.
On the day that "The Wizard of Oz's" Judy Garland died, a tornado touched down in Kansas.
If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle; if the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle; if the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
"111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321"
The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher.
The bones of a pigeon weigh less than its feathers.
At 90 degrees (F) below zero your breath will freeze in midair and fall to the ground.
The average person is about a quarter of an inch taller at night.
A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.
Charles Lindbergh took only four sandwiches with him on his famous transatlantic flight.
3000 cows are needed to supply the leather for a year.s supply of NFL footballs.
Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
If there were ever an ocean big enough, Saturn would be the only planet that could float.
Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.
The Hewlett Packard computer company.s first product was an automatic urinal flusher.
All the coal, oil, gas, and wood on Earth would only keep the Sun burning for a few days.
A group of rhinos is called a crash.
Bank robber John Dillinger played professional baseball.
At Old English weddings, guests through shoes at the groom.
Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.
The longest recorded flight of a chicken is thirteen seconds.
Your hearing is not as sharp on a full stomach.
The last United States train robbery took place in 1933.
A 1,200 pound horse eats about 15 lbs. of hay and nine pounds of grain everyday (seven times its own weight each year).
Einstein couldn.t read until the age of nine.
The two lines that connect the bottom of your nose to your lip are called the philtrum.
Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks otherwise it will digest itself.
1/100th of a second is called a "jiffy".
A group of kangaroos is called a mob.
The housefly hums in the middle octave, key of F.
"J", the youngest letter in the English alphabet, was not added until the 1600s.
It takes around 200,000 frowns to create a permanent brow line.
The Baby Ruth candy bar was actually named after Grover Cleveland's baby daughter, Ruth.
The fastest-moving land snail is the common qarden snail whose top speed is 55 yards per hour or 0.0313 mph.
The most common time to sight a UFO is 11pm.
There are 31,557,600 seconds in a year.
The right lung takes in more air than the left.
On average, Americans buy 1.5 toothbrushes a year.
60% of the swimsuits sold in the U.S. never get wet.
It takes about 30 minutes for an aspirin to find a headache.
In Nepal, Mt. Everest is known as "Gauriosankar".
Los Angeles Police Department ballistics experts say that the fastest bullet is fired from a .223 caliber rifle and travels at 3,500 feet per second, more than 3 times the speed of sound.
If an octopus is hungry enough, it will eat its own arms.
The knee-high measurement of an average-sized grasshopper is about 1/2 inch.
An ostrich's eye is bigger than it's brain.
A group of cows, twelve or more, are known as a "flink."
In a survey of 5,000 U.S. nurses, 40 percent said they would not recommend the medical facility where they worked to a relative.
The ancient Romans died their hair with bird droppings.
Only pharoahs were allowed to eat mushrooms in ancient Egypt.
What area of your body has the most bacteria? Between your toes.
Jimmy Carter was the first U.S. president to have been born in a hospital.
Ratio of inductees into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame who are hearing impaired: 3 in 5.
The Yo-yo is believed to be the second-oldest toy in the world after dolls. The Greeks played with yo-yos as far back as 500 B.C.
You use 15 different muscles in your face to laugh.
The Sanskrit word for "war" means "desire for more cows."
A group of ravens is called a murder.
Cleo and Caesar were the early stage names of Cher and Sonny Bono.
Only about half of all spiders spin webs.
Kangaroos are lactose-intolerant.
Charles Darwin's cousin invented the IQ test.
Goats can.t legally wear trousers in Massachusetts.
Niagara Falls was created by a glacier.
Abraham Lincoln hated being called "Abe".
5% of Americans let their dishes pile up for a couple of days before washing them.
Clams can live as long as 150 years.
In ancient China, doctors received their fees only if their patients were kept healthy. If the patient's health failed, the doctor sometimes paid the patient.
It.s illegal to ride an ugly horse down the street in Wilbur, Washington.
The skin on your eyelid is one one-thousandth of an inch deep (the thinnest); the skin on your back is one-fifth of an inch (the thickest).
According to research, you.ll blow your nose about 250 times this year.
Cows can be identified by noseprints.
There are 2,598,960 possible hands in a five-card poker game.
A group of frogs is called an army.
101 Dalmatians and Peter Pan (Wendy) are the only two Disney cartoon features with both parents are present and don't die throughout the entire movie.
An electric eel's charge is so potent it can knock a horse unconscious from twenty feet away.
70% of house dust consists of human skin.
Artichokes are flowers.
Elephants breathe 12 times a minute.
It's impossible to snore in the weightlessness of space.
Mosquitos have 47 teeth.
An ecstatically weeping woman paid $8,625 at an auction for a pair of horseshoes worn by Mr. Ed.
Mel Blanc (the voice of Bugs Bunny) was allergic to carrots.
The first tennis balls were stuffed with human hair.
The average blink of an eye lasts one-tenth of a second.
The average American uses 12 gallons of water while showering.
Abe Lincoln's favorite sport was wrestling.
In the Middle Ages, you were supposed to throw eggs at the bride and groom.
In Lawrence, Kansas, it.s against the law to carry bees around in your hat on city streets.
According to the Consumer Product Safety Commission, the number of injuries caused by plug-in air fresheners is 1,823.
"Stewardesses" is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand.
In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak.
Tomato ketchup was once sold in the U.S. as a medicine.
Snakes can get malaria.
Only 30% of humans can flare their nostrils.
Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors.
Ducks can get the flu.
Siberia means "sleeping land."
In the Leaning Tower of Pisa, 6 of the tower.s eight floors are without safety rails. More than 250 people have fallen to their deaths since 1174.
Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.
There are more chickens than people in the world.
The longest one-syllable word in the English language is "screeched."
All of the clocks in the movie "Pulp Fiction" are stuck on 4:20.
No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver or purple.
"Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt."
Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.
There are only four words in the English language which end in "-dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.
Los Angeles's full name is "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula"--and can be abbreviated to 3.63% of its size: "L.A."
A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.
The only real person to be a Pez head was Betsy Ross.
When the University of Nebraska Cornhuskers play football at home, the stadium becomes the state's third largest city.
A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.
A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.
On an American one-dollar bill, there is an owl in the upper left-hand corner of the "1" encased in the "shield" and a spider hidden in the front upper right-hand corner.
It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.(DON'T try this @ home!)
Mr.Rogers is an ordained minister.
A golden razor removed from King Tut's Tomb was still sharp enough to be used.
Abdul Kassam Ismael, Grand Vizier of Persia in the tenth century, carried his library with him wherever he went. The 117,000 volumes were carried by 400 camels trained to walk in alphabetical order.
According to the Encyclopedia Britannica, 11th Edition, from 1910-1911, the word toast was borrowed from the Old French toste, which has the Latin root of torrere, tostum, meaning to scorch or burn.
Acting was once considered evil, and actors in the first English play to be performed in America were arrested.
All of the officers in the Confederate army were given copies of Les Miserables, by Victor Hugo, to carry with them at all times. Robert E. Lee, among others, believed that the book symbolized their cause. Both revolts were defeated.
All office seekers in the Roman empire were obliged to wear a certain white toga for a period of one year before the election.
At the turn of the last millennium, Dublin Ireland had the largest slave market in the world, run by the Vikings.
Aztec emperor Montezuma had a nephew, Cuitlahac, whose name meant plenty of excrement.
Before the 1800's there were no separately designed shoes for right and left feet.
Czar Paul I banished soldiers to Siberia for marching out of step.
Dog Days: Days of great heat. The Romans called the hottest weeks of summer canculares dies. Their theory was that the Dog Star (Sirius) rising with the sun, added to its heat and the dog-days (about July 3 to August 11) bore the combined heat of both.
During 18th century France, visitors to the royal palace in Versailles were allowed to stand in a roped-off section of the main dining room and watch the king and queen eat.
During the Cambrian period, about 500 million years ago, a day was only 20.6 hours long.
During the Depression, banks first used Scotch tape to mend torn currency.
During the eighteenth century, books that were considered offensive were sometimes punished by being whipped.
Everyone believed in the Middle Ages--as Aristotle had--that the heart was the seat of intelligence.
Evidence of shoemaking exists as early as 10,000 B.C.
Francis Scott Key was a young lawyer who wrote the poem 'The Star Spangled Banner' after being inspired by watching the Americans fight off the British attack of Baltimore during the War of 1812. The poem became the words to the national anthem.
If a family had 2 servants or less in the U.S. in 1900, census takers recorded it as lower middle-class.
If we had the same mortality rate as in the 1900s, more than half the people in the world today would not be alive.
If you were born in Los Alamos, New Mexico during the Manhattan project (where they made the atomic bomb), your birth place is listed as a post office box in Albequerque.
In 1778, fashionable women of Paris never went out in blustery weather without a lightning rod attached to their hats.
In ancient Egypt, killing a cat was a crime punishable by death.
In certain parts of India and ancient China, mouse meat was considered a delicacy.
In midieval England, beer often was served with breakfast.
In the 1700's, you could purchase insurance against going to hell, in London, England.
It cost more to buy a car today in the United States than it cost Christopher Columbus to equip and undertake three voyages to the New World.
It has been calculated that in the last 3,500 years, there have only been 230 years of peace throughout the civilized world.
January is National Soup month.
Native Americans never actually ate turkey; killing such a timid bird was thought to indicate laziness.
53,312 inmate lawsuits were filed nationwide in 1995.
A Virginia law requires all bathtubs to be kept out in the yards, not inside the house.
According to British law passed in 1845, attempting to commit suicide was a capital offense. Offenders could be hanged for trying.
Christmas was once illegal in England.
George Washington is the only man whose birthday is a legal holiday in every state of the U.S as of a few years ago.
Impotence is legal grounds for divorce in 24 American states.
In Alaska it is illegal to shoot at a moose from the window of an aeroplane or other flying vehicle.
In Baltimore USA it is illegal to wash or scrub a sink regardless of how dirty it is.
In Cleveland, Ohio it is illegal to catch mice without a hunting license.
In Hartford, Connecticut, it is illegal for a husband to kiss his wife on Sundays.
In Kentucky, it is illegal to carry ice-cream in your back pocket.
In Texas, it is illegal to put graffiti on someone else's cow.
In the UK, there is no act of parliament making it illegal to commit murder. Murder is only illegal due to legal precedent.
It is illegal to eat oranges while bathing in California.
It is illegal to frown at cows in Bladworth, Saskatchewan.
It is illegal to hunt camels in the state of Arizona.
It was once against the law to have a pet dog in a city in Iceland.
It was once against the law to slam your car door in a city in Switzerland.
Mailing an entire building has been illegal in the U.S. since 1916 when a man mailed a 40,000-ton brick house across Utah to avoid high freight rates.
Pennsylvania was the first colony to legalize witchcraft.
107 incorrect medical procedures will be performed by the end of the day today.
A Boeing 747's wingspan is longer than the Wright brother's first flight.
A bolt of lighting can strike the earth with a force as great as 100 million volts.
A cesium atom in an atomic clock beats 9,192,631,770 times a second.
A creep is a metallurgical term for when something that is normally very strong bends because of gravity. This happens to many metals at high temperatures, where they won't melt but they will creep.
A cubic mile of fog is made up of less than a gallon of water.
A device invented as a primitive steam engine by the Greek engineer Hero, about the time of the birth of Christ, is used today as a rotating lawn sprinkler.
A full moon always rises at sunset.
A full moon is nine times brighter than a half moon.
A jumbo jet uses 4,000 gallons of fuel to take off.
A normal raindrop falls at about 7 miles per hour.
A penny whistle has six finger holes.
A rainbow can only occur when the sun is 40 degrees or less above the horizon.
A silicon chip a quarter-inch square has the capacity of the original 1949 ENIAC computer, which occupied a city block.
A standard grave is 7'8 x 3'2 x 6.
A syzygy occurs when three atronomical bodies line up.
A two-bit moon is in its first quarter.
A wind with a speed of 74 miles or more is designated a hurricane.
About seven million cars are junked each year in the U.S.
According to the Texas Department of Transportation, one person is killed annually painting stripes on the state's highways and roads.
All snow crystals are hexagonal.
All the gold produced in the past five hundred years, if melted, could be compressed into a 50-foot cube.
All totalled, the sunlight that strikes Earth at any given moment weighs as much as an ocean liner.
American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first class.
An inch of snow falling evenly on one acre of ground is equivalent to about 2715 gallons of water.
Any free moving liquid in outer space will form itself into a sphere because of its surface tension.
Approximately 98% of software in China is pirated.
April is Earthquake Preparedness month. For a little added incentive, consider this- The most powerful earthquake to strike the United States occurred in 1811 in New Madrid, Missouri. The quake shook more than one million square miles, and was felt as far as 1,000 miles away.
At any given time, there are 1,800 thunderstorms in progress over the earth's atmosphere.
Bacteria, the tiniest free-living cells, are so small that a single drop of liquid contains as many as 50 million of them.
Bamboo (the world's tallest grass) can grow up to 90 cm in a day.
Because of the rotation of the earth, an object can be thrown farther if it is thrown west.
Construction workers hard hats were first invented and used in the building of the Hoover Dam in 1933.
Did you know you share a birthday with at least nine other million people in the world?
Each year there is one ton of cement poured for each man, woman and child in the world.
February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not have a full moon.
If you attempted to count the stars in a galaxy at a rate of one every second it would take around 3,000 years to count them all.
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and six days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
Iron nails cannot be used in aok because the acid in the wood corrodes them.
It takes 8.5 minutes for light to get from the sun to earth.
It takes one fifteen-to-twenty-year-old tree to produce seven hundred paper grocery bags.
It takes the insect-eating Venus Flytrap plant only half a second to shut its trap on its prey.
The Venus's flytrap can eat a whole cheeseburger.
4,000 people are injured by tea pots every year.
A 60-minute cassette contains 565 feet of tape.
A coat hanger is forty-four inches long if straightened.
A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.
A good typist can strike twenty keys in a second.
A toothpick is the object most often choked on by Americans
A typical double mattress contains as many as two million house dust mites.
A wedding ring is generally exempt by law from inclusion among the assets in a bankruptcy estate. That means that a wedding ring can't be seized by creditors, no matter how much the bankrupt person owes.
According to a market research survey done some time ago, 68% of consumers receiving junk mail actually open the envelopes.
According to one study, 24% of lawns have some sort of lawn ornament.
All hospitals in Singapore use Pampers diapers.
Aluminum is strong enough to support 90,000 pounds per square inch.
An average of 200 million credit cards are used every day in the United States.
Approximately 30 billion cakes of Ivory Soap had been manufactured by 1990.
As of 1983, an average of three billion Christmas cards were sent annually in the United States.
At the height of inflation in Germany in the early 1920s, one U.S. dollar was equal to 4 quintillion German marks.
Avery Laser Labels are named after company founder R. Stanton Avery.
Colgate faced a big obstacle marketing toothpaste in Spanish speaking countries. Colgate translates into the command "go hang yourself."
Hallmark makes cards for 105 different relationships.
How valuable is the penny you found laying on the ground? If it takes just a second to pick it up a person could make $36.00 per hour just picking up pennies.
If done perfectly, any rubix cube combination can be solved in 17 turns.
If you lace your shoes from the inside to the outside, the fit will be snugger around your big toe.
In 1990, there were about 15,000 vacuum cleaner related accidents in the U.S.
In 75% of American households, women manage the money and pay the bills.
In order for a deck of cards to be mixed up enough to play with properly, it should be shuffled at least seven times.
It's rumored that sucking on a copper penny will cause a breathalyzer to read 0.
Ivory bar soap floating was a mistake. They had been mixing the soap formula causing excess air bubbles that made it float. Customers wrote and told how much they loved that it floated, and it has floated ever since.
Ketchup is excellent for cleaning brass, especially tarnished or corroded brass.
Kleenex tissues were originally used as filters in gas masks.
Mosquito repellants do not repel. They hide you. The spray blocks the mosquito's sensors so they do not know you are there.
Murphy's Oil Soap is the chemical most commonly used to clean elephants.
On average, there are 333 squares of toilet paper on a roll.
The first U.S. coin to bear the words, United States of America was a penny made in 1727. It was also inscribed with the plain-spoken motto: Mind your own business.
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