Apples on Trees

Girls are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. The boys don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy.So the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right boy to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.

Dating Application

This application must be answered in full prior to permission being granted to date my daughter. Remember all answers will be checked for valid responses. Please consult your life insurance agent to verify that all beneficiaries are current and additional coverage is applied for if needed prior to turning this application in.

Name:_________________ Date of Birth:___________________
Home Address:_______________________________ City:__________
State:_________ Zip:___________
Social Security #:________________________________
Drivers License #:________________________________
Height:_________ Weight:__________
I.Q.:________ G.P.A.:___________
Boy Scout Rank:_____________

1. Do you have one male and one female parent? (Yes / No)

If no, explain: ____________________________________________

2. Do you own a van? (Yes / No)
a truck with over-sized tires? (Yes / No)
a waterbed? (Yes / No)
(Note: if you answer yes to any of #2, put down your pencil,
discontinue application, and leave premises)

3. In 50 words or less, what does LATE mean to you?_________
____________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________

4. In 50 words or less, what does DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER
mean to you? _______________________________________________
____________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________

5. In 50 words or less, what does ABSTINENCE mean to you?_
____________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________

6. Do you have an ear ring, nose ring, belly-button ring or
tattoo? (Yes / No)
(Note: if you answer YES to any of #6, put down your pencil,
discontinue application, and leave premises).

7. Church you attend: (Yes / No)
How often do you attend?_________

8. When would be the best time to interview your father,
mother, priest/pastor?
___________________________________________________________

9. Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely -
all answers are confidential.
(That means I won't tell anyone - ever - I promise.)

A. If I were shot, the last place on my body I would
want to be wounded is in the _____________________

B. If I were beaten, the last bone in my body I would
want broken is my ________________________________

C. A woman's place is in the ________________________

D. The one thing I hope this application does not
ask me about is ___________________________________

E. When I first meet a girl, the first thing I
notice is her _____________________________________
(Note: If answer E begins with "T" or "A", put down your
pencil, discontinue application, and leave premises - keeping
your head low and running in serpentine fashion is advised.)

10. What do you want to be IF you grow up?
_____________________________________________________________

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND
CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE; UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH,
DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION,
ELECTRICUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, AND RED-HOT POKERS.

You Know The Economy Is Bad...

1. I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

2. I ordered a burger at McDonald’s and the kid behind the counter asked, “Can you afford fries with that?”

3. CEOs are now playing miniature golf.

4. If the bank returns your check marked “Insufficient Funds,” you call them and ask if they meant you or them.

5. McDonald’s is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

6. Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children’s names.

7. A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.

8. Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting.

9. Motel Six won’t leave the light on anymore.

10. American Express is begging you to leave home without it.