100+ ways to tell if you're stuck in the 80's

1. Your fondest childhood memory is when Skippy got his head stuck in the banister.

2. You relax by putting on your legwarmers and dancing to the "Footloose" soundtrack.

3. You think the Two Coreys are "totally awesome."

4. You're still bitter that Wham! broke up.

5. Punky Brewster is your hero.

6. You type all of your term papers on a Commodore4.

7. You still resent your parents for not installing a dumbwaiter in your house like Webster's.

8. The only video games you play are Frogger and Pac Man.

9. You're building your own Clockwork Smurf.

10. Your summer attire is Jellies and Jams.

11. A-Ha's "Take on Me" is still your favorite video.

12. You consider yourself truly, truly, truly outrageous, much like Jem and the Holograms.

13. You wonder why more people don't wear high heels, Jordache jeans, and lacy ankle socks.

14. You call all motorcycle cops "Ponch."

15. Every time you go to the beach you look for Snorks.

16. You're still upset Madonna and Sean broke up.

17. You know who Stinky Sullivan is.

18. You work out with "Get in Shape Girl."

19. You want to be Molly Ringwald when you grow up.

20. You enjoy dancing on the ceiling and wearing your sunglasses at night.

21. You know who Loverboy is.

22. You think there should be a Kids Incorporated original cast reunion.

23. You think of Janet Jackson as "that girl who used to date Willis."

24. You can sing the theme song to Small Wonder.

25. Every time you see a fountain you want to dance around it and yell "Fame!"

26. You still have a shoebox full of Garbage Pail Kid cards.

27. You write your congressman asking him to introduce a bill to make "Born in the USA" the national anthem.

28. You still use your Snoopy Sno-Cone machine.

29. You know it's not "comma, comma, comma" it's karma.

30. You stay up nights wondering what Bastian's mother's name was in "The Neverending Story."

31. You have nightmares about the Peculiar Purple Pieman of Porcupine Peak.

32. You still practice your Care Bear Stare.

33. You know that girls just wanna have fuh-un.

34. You can name all The Wuzzles.

35. You harbor a secret dream of being slimed by Alistair.

36. You can do the Safety Dance.

37. In your spare time you are writing "The Breakfast Club".

38. You like to "connect the dots, la la la la!"

39. Someone mentions Jennifer Beals and you don't say "Who?"

40. Your prized possesion is a collection of "Return of the Jedi" Shrinky Dinks.

41. You know whose number is 867-5309.

42. You get depressed thinking about Anthony Michael Hall's career.

43. You're starting a write-in campaign to MTV to bring back Remote Control.

44. You drink Diet Coke because Max Headroom told you to.

45. You consider Jo vs. Blair the major philosophical conflict of the 20th century.

46. You have a duck phone and ride around your house on a little train.

47. You want to be one of the Solid Gold Dancers.

48. You still watch things on Beta.

49. You want to change your name to Rio and dance on the sand.

50. You know that "Weird Science" was a movie before a tv show.

51. Your favorite proverb is "some like it hot and some sweat when the heat is on."

52. You always waited for the Sweet Pickles Bus to visit your house.

53. Your favorite party game is Hungry Hungry Hippos.

54. You saw the New Kids on the Block when they were Tiffany's opening act.

55. You liked Tom Hanks better when he was a crossdresser.

56. You know which Hollywood Square Jm J Bullock was in.

57. You practice getting in and out of your car through the windows.

58. You have the tendency to turn up the collar of your polo shirts.

59. You're still wondering who really was the boss.

60. You know what the "P" in "Alex P. Keaton" stands for.

61. You keep asking your teachers if instead of the quiz you can take the Physical Challenge.

62. You organize weekend tournaments of TV tag.

63. You still drink New Coke.

64. When you watch "Terminator" you wonder where Vincent is.

65. You know ALF's real name.

66. You never go out for a night on the town without frosted blue eyeshadow and feathered bangs.

67. You can name all of the Thundercats.

68. You got a hankerin' for a hunk of cheese.

69. Everything in your wardrobe is either pastel or fluorescent.

70. Your musical inspiration is Sonny Mann.

71. Sometimes you just want to shout, shout, let it all out.

72. You're planning a dream vacation to Mepos.

73. You use your Speak and Spell to phone home.

74. You know the original members of Menudo.

75. Sometimes out of the blue you just got to shake your love.

76. When you're stuck in traffic you tell your car to engage Turbo Boost and are surprised when it doesn't talk back..

77. You remember when Vanessa sang Kareoke to "Locomotion."

78. You know that Mr. Steele functions best in an advisory capacity.

79. People are constantly gagging you with spoons.

80. Your idea of appreciating ancient cultures is "Walk Like an Egyptian."

81. The only thing you know about the Nazis is that they threw Indy to the snakes.

82. You still use your hair crimper before going out on a hot date.

83. You hatch plots to break Murdock out of VA hospital.

84. You know which five people Serpentor's DNA came from.

85. You have "We Are the World" on 5.

86. You're still sending death threats to Mr. Rubik.

87. You can feel St. Elmo's fire burnin' in you.

88. You watch NYPD Blue thinking, "Well, they're no Crockett and Tubbs, that's for sure."

89. "Goonies" is your favorite movie of all time! (I added that one! -MDR)

90. You can remember Alanis Morissette's career before Jagged Little Pill.

91. Every day, you take a ride on the Great Space Coaster.

92. You want to party with Spuds Mackenzie.

93. You can still identify any "My Little Pony" by solely by its magical markings.

94. You know the answer to "Who's that Girl?"

95. Thanks to the Coach, you know the location of Albania, its terrain and its main export.

96. You proudly wear your prized collection of jelly bracelets and charm necklaces.

97. You want to get physical with Olivia Newton-John.

98. You know the name of the other guy from Wham!

99. When someone mentions rap, you think of Run DMC and the Fat Boys.

100. You still wear banana clips.

101. You don't think Boner is an inappropriate nickname for a friend.

102. When a problem comes along, you just whip it.

103. You had sunglasses that were also a headband.

104. You're still asking, "Where's the beef?"

105. You remeber when Belinda still sang with the Go-Go's

106. You ate Reeses Pieces because E.T. did.

107. You remember when nobody believed Snuffy was real.

108. You played Donkey Kong before you even cared what Nintendo meant.

109. Every one of your favorite cartoons had its own cereal.

110. On long car rides you break out the Mad Libs.

Famous Last Words

# Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons.
Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949...

# I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943...


But what ... is it good for?"
--Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968, commenting on the microchip.

There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
--Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977...

640k ought to be enough for anybody." -- Bill Gates, 1981

This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us."
--Western Union internal memo, 1876....

The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?...

Milk Man

Why?

Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?

Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?

Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?

If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?

If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

I nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?

If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?

I you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?

You know how most packages say "Open here"? What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?

Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?

Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

Why is brassiere singular and panties plural?

Why is it when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?

You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes? Why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?

Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

Why does monosyllabic have five syllables?

When a Man Lies....

One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "Why are
you crying?"

The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water. The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe.

"Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.

The woodcutter replied, "No."

The Lord again went down and came up with a silver axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.

Again, the woodcutter replied, "No."

The Lord went down again and came up with an iron axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.

The woodcutter replied, "Yes."

The Lord was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all three axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happily.

One day while he was walking with his wife along the riverbank, the woodcutter's wife fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked
him, "Why are you crying?"

"Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!"

The Lord went down into the water and came up with Jennifer Lopez. "Is this your wife?" the Lord asked.

"Yes," cried the woodcutter.

The Lord was furious. "You cheat! That is an untruth!"

The woodcutter replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I said 'no' to Jennifer Lopez, You will come up with Catherine Zeta-Jones. Then if I also say 'no' to her, You will thirdly come up with my wife, and I will say 'yes,' and then all three will be given to me. But Lord, I am a poor man and I will not be able to take care of all three wives, so *that's* why I said yes this time."

The moral of the story is whenever a man lies it is for an honorable and useful reason !!