More than 10 people a year are killed by a vending machine.
Summer on Uranus lasts 21 years.
0.3% of solar energy from the Sahara is enough to power the whole of Europe.
Thomas Alva Edison patented almost 1,300 inventions in his lifetime.
The oil used by jewelers to lubricate clocks and watches costs about $3,000 a gallon.
The IRS processes more than 2 billion pieces of paper each year.
Jumbo jets use 4,000 gallons of fuel to take off.
It takes six months to build a Rolls Royce…and 13 hours to build a Toyota.
Car airbags kill 1 person for every 22 lives that they save.
About 39,000 gallons of water are used to produce the average car.
A car operates at maximum economy, gas-wise, at speeds between 25 and 35 miles per hour.
The most children born to one woman was 69, she was a peasant who lived a
40 year life, in which she had 16 twins, 7 triplets, and 4 quadruplets.
When glass breaks, the cracks move at speeds of up to 3,000 miles per hour.
Each day, there are over 120 million sexual intercourse taking place all over the world.
A new baby usually deprives each of it’s parents around 350-400 hours of
sleep in the first year. That is one entire nights sleep per week, per
parent.
If left alone, 70% of birthmarks gradually fade away.
One human hair can support 3 ounces.
The average person eats almost 1500 pounds of food a year.
The majority of suicides occur on a Monday.
The human eye blinks an average of 4,200,000 times a year.
There are 86,400 seconds in a day.
There are 2,500,000 rivets in the Eiffel Tower.
WAL-MART generates $3,000,000.00 in revenues every 7 minutes.
There are 635,013,559,599 possible hands in a game of bridge.
There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.
The largest diamond ever found was 3,106 carats.
Seaweed can grow up to 12 inches per day.
On average, 100 people choke to death on ballpoint pens every year.
More than 6,000 people with pillow-related injuries check into U.S. emergency rooms every year.
More than 50% of Americans fall asleep on their sides.
More than 10% of the world’s salt is used to de-ice American roads.
It takes 492 seconds for sunlight to reach the Earth.
In an average hour, there are over 61,000 Americans airborne over the United States.
In 2003, the U.S. Government spent about $2,000,000.00 on potato research.
Each year, more than 50,000 people are injured by jewelry in the U.S.
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
Sunday, January 6, 2013
Dog Letters To God
Dear God,
How come people love to smell flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another? Where are their priorities?
Dear God,
When we get to Heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it the same old story?
Dear God,
Excuse me, but why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not one named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We dogs love a nice ride! I know every breed cannot have its own model, but it would easy to rename the Chrysler Eagle the Chrysler Beagle.
Dear God,
If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?
Dear God,
Is it true that in Heaven, dining room tables have on-ramps?
Dear God,
If we come back as humans, is that good, or bad?
Dear God,
More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.
Dear God,
When we get to the Pearly Gates, do we have to shake hands to get in?
Dear God,
We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent IDs, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?
Dear God,
Are there dogs on other planets or are we alone? I have been howling at the moon and stars for a long time, but all I ever hear back is the beagle across the street.
Dear God,
Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?
Dear God,
Is it true that dogs are not allowed in restaurants because we can't make up our minds what NOT to order? Or is it the carpets thing, again?
Dear God,
May I have my testicles back if I get into Heaven?
How come people love to smell flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another? Where are their priorities?
Dear God,
When we get to Heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it the same old story?
Dear God,
Excuse me, but why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not one named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We dogs love a nice ride! I know every breed cannot have its own model, but it would easy to rename the Chrysler Eagle the Chrysler Beagle.
Dear God,
If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?
Dear God,
Is it true that in Heaven, dining room tables have on-ramps?
Dear God,
If we come back as humans, is that good, or bad?
Dear God,
More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.
Dear God,
When we get to the Pearly Gates, do we have to shake hands to get in?
Dear God,
We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent IDs, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?
Dear God,
Are there dogs on other planets or are we alone? I have been howling at the moon and stars for a long time, but all I ever hear back is the beagle across the street.
Dear God,
Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?
Dear God,
Is it true that dogs are not allowed in restaurants because we can't make up our minds what NOT to order? Or is it the carpets thing, again?
Dear God,
May I have my testicles back if I get into Heaven?
Sunday, December 30, 2012
Dogs and Cats
WHAT IS A CAT ?
1) Cats do what they want
2) They rarely listen to you
3) They're totally unpredictable
4) They whine when they are not happy
5) When you want to play, they want to be alone
6) When you want to be alone, they want to play
7) They expect you to cater to their every whim
8) They're moody
9) They leave hair everywhere
10) They drive you nuts and cost you money
CONCLUSION: They're tiny little women in fur coats.
WHAT IS A DOG?
1) Dogs lie around all day, sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house
2) They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but don't hear you when you're in the same room.
3) They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time.
4) They growl when they are not happy
5) When you want to play, they want to play
6) When you want to be alone, they want to play
7) They are great at begging
8) They will love you forever if you rub their tummies
9) They can never have enough toys and they leave them everywhere
10 ) They do disgusting things with their mouths and then they try to give you a kiss
CONCLUSION: They're tiny little men in fur coats.
1) Cats do what they want
2) They rarely listen to you
3) They're totally unpredictable
4) They whine when they are not happy
5) When you want to play, they want to be alone
6) When you want to be alone, they want to play
7) They expect you to cater to their every whim
8) They're moody
9) They leave hair everywhere
10) They drive you nuts and cost you money
CONCLUSION: They're tiny little women in fur coats.
WHAT IS A DOG?
1) Dogs lie around all day, sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house
2) They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but don't hear you when you're in the same room.
3) They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time.
4) They growl when they are not happy
5) When you want to play, they want to play
6) When you want to be alone, they want to play
7) They are great at begging
8) They will love you forever if you rub their tummies
9) They can never have enough toys and they leave them everywhere
10 ) They do disgusting things with their mouths and then they try to give you a kiss
CONCLUSION: They're tiny little men in fur coats.
Sunday, December 23, 2012
Capitalism and Cows
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM -- You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
FRENCH CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon(tm) and market them world-wide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
A BRITISH CORPORATION -- You have two cows. Both are mad.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION -- You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION -- You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.
A HINDU CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You worship them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.
AN ARKANSAS CORPORATION -- You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute.
ENRON CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
FRENCH CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon(tm) and market them world-wide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
A BRITISH CORPORATION -- You have two cows. Both are mad.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION -- You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION -- You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.
A HINDU CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You worship them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.
AN ARKANSAS CORPORATION -- You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute.
ENRON CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.
Sunday, December 16, 2012
Murphy's Military Laws.
Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than you are.
No battle plan ever survives contact with the enemy.
Friendly fire ain't.
The most dangerous thing in the combat zone is an officer with a map.
The problem with taking the easy way out is that the enemy has already mined it.
The buddy system is essential to your survival; it gives the enemy somebody else to shoot at.
The further you are in advance of your own positions, the more likely your artillery will shoot short.
Incoming fire has the right of way.
If your advance is going well, you are walking into an ambush.
The quartermaster has only two sizes, too large and too small.
If you really need an officer in a hurry, take a nap.
The only time suppressive fire works is when it is used on abandoned positions.
The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
There is nothing more satisfying that having someone take a shot at you, and miss.
Don't be conspicuous. In the combat zone, it draws fire. Out of the combat zone, it draws sergeants.
If your sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.
No battle plan ever survives contact with the enemy.
Friendly fire ain't.
The most dangerous thing in the combat zone is an officer with a map.
The problem with taking the easy way out is that the enemy has already mined it.
The buddy system is essential to your survival; it gives the enemy somebody else to shoot at.
The further you are in advance of your own positions, the more likely your artillery will shoot short.
Incoming fire has the right of way.
If your advance is going well, you are walking into an ambush.
The quartermaster has only two sizes, too large and too small.
If you really need an officer in a hurry, take a nap.
The only time suppressive fire works is when it is used on abandoned positions.
The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
There is nothing more satisfying that having someone take a shot at you, and miss.
Don't be conspicuous. In the combat zone, it draws fire. Out of the combat zone, it draws sergeants.
If your sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.
Sunday, December 9, 2012
Murphy's Law
Nothing is as easy as it looks.
To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
Two wrongs are only the beginning.
If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop.
Nothing is as easy as it looks.
Every solution breeds new problems.
If there is a worse time for something to go wrong, it will happen then.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
Exceptions prove the rule ... and wreck the budget.
Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first.
It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.
Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.
Trust everybody ... then cut the cards.
Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first.
Everything takes longer than you think.
Two wrongs are only the beginning.
To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
Two wrongs are only the beginning.
If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop.
Nothing is as easy as it looks.
Every solution breeds new problems.
If there is a worse time for something to go wrong, it will happen then.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
Exceptions prove the rule ... and wreck the budget.
Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first.
It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.
Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.
Trust everybody ... then cut the cards.
Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first.
Everything takes longer than you think.
Two wrongs are only the beginning.
Sunday, December 2, 2012
How To Write A College Paper
1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well lit place in front of your computer.
2. Log onto MSN and ICQ (be sure to go on away!). Check your email.
3. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you understand it.
4. Walk down to the vending machines and buy some chocolate to help you concentrate.
5. Check your email.
6. Call up a friend and ask if he/she wants to go to grab a coffee. Just to get settled down and ready to work.
7. When you get back to your room, sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well lit place.
8. Read over the assignment again to make absolutely certain you understand it.
9. Check your email.
10. You know, you haven't written to that kid you met at camp since fourth grade. You'd better write that letter now and get it out of the way so you can concentrate.
11. Look at your teeth in the bathroom mirror.
12. Grab some mp3z off of kazaa.
13. Check your email. ANY OF THIS SOUND FAMILIAR YET?!
14. MSN chat with one of your friends about the future. (ie summer plans).
15. Check your email.
16. Listen to your new mp3z and download some more.
17. Phone your friend on the other floor and ask if she's started writing yet. Exchange derogatory emarks about your prof, the
course, the college, the world at large.
18. Walk to the store and buy a pack of gum. You've probably run out.
19. While you've got the gum you may as well buy a magazine and read it.
20. Check your email.
21. Check the newspaper listings to make sure you aren't missing something truly worthwhile on TV.
22. Play some solitare (or age of legends!).
23. Check out bored.com.
24. Wash your hands.
25. Call up a friend to see how much they have done, probably haven't started either.
26. Look through your housemate's book of pictures from home. Ask who everyone is.
27. Sit down and do some serious thinking about your plans for the future.
28. Check to see if bored.com has been updated yet.
29. Check your email and listen to your new mp3z.
30. You should be rebooting by now, assuming that windows is crashing on schedule.
31. Read over the assignment one more time, just for heck of it.
32. Scoot your chair across the room to the window and watch the sunrise.
33. Lie face down on the floor and moan.
34. Punch the wall and break something.
35. Check your email.
36. Mumble obscenities.
37. 5am - start hacking on the paper without stopping. 6am -paper is finished.
38. Complain to everyone that you didn't get any sleep because you had to write that stupid paper.
39. Go to class, hand in paper, and leave right away so you can take a nap.
2. Log onto MSN and ICQ (be sure to go on away!). Check your email.
3. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you understand it.
4. Walk down to the vending machines and buy some chocolate to help you concentrate.
5. Check your email.
6. Call up a friend and ask if he/she wants to go to grab a coffee. Just to get settled down and ready to work.
7. When you get back to your room, sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well lit place.
8. Read over the assignment again to make absolutely certain you understand it.
9. Check your email.
10. You know, you haven't written to that kid you met at camp since fourth grade. You'd better write that letter now and get it out of the way so you can concentrate.
11. Look at your teeth in the bathroom mirror.
12. Grab some mp3z off of kazaa.
13. Check your email. ANY OF THIS SOUND FAMILIAR YET?!
14. MSN chat with one of your friends about the future. (ie summer plans).
15. Check your email.
16. Listen to your new mp3z and download some more.
17. Phone your friend on the other floor and ask if she's started writing yet. Exchange derogatory emarks about your prof, the
course, the college, the world at large.
18. Walk to the store and buy a pack of gum. You've probably run out.
19. While you've got the gum you may as well buy a magazine and read it.
20. Check your email.
21. Check the newspaper listings to make sure you aren't missing something truly worthwhile on TV.
22. Play some solitare (or age of legends!).
23. Check out bored.com.
24. Wash your hands.
25. Call up a friend to see how much they have done, probably haven't started either.
26. Look through your housemate's book of pictures from home. Ask who everyone is.
27. Sit down and do some serious thinking about your plans for the future.
28. Check to see if bored.com has been updated yet.
29. Check your email and listen to your new mp3z.
30. You should be rebooting by now, assuming that windows is crashing on schedule.
31. Read over the assignment one more time, just for heck of it.
32. Scoot your chair across the room to the window and watch the sunrise.
33. Lie face down on the floor and moan.
34. Punch the wall and break something.
35. Check your email.
36. Mumble obscenities.
37. 5am - start hacking on the paper without stopping. 6am -paper is finished.
38. Complain to everyone that you didn't get any sleep because you had to write that stupid paper.
39. Go to class, hand in paper, and leave right away so you can take a nap.
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