What did the Evil Chicken Lay?

Orca-stra

No Rest For The Wicked

Think Happy Thoughts

POPcorn

Don't Go Bacon My Heart!

Clean Garages

Blonde's Mailbox

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his beautiful, blond, female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox.

She opened it, looked inside, slammed it shut, and stormed back into her house.

A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox, again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came again. She marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions, the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"

To which she replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps telling me I've got mail!"

Crazy English

Crazy English (from here)

1. The bandage was wound around the wound.

2. The farm was used to produce produce.

3. The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4. We must polish the Polish furniture.

5. He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7. Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

8. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10. I did not object to the object.

11. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

12. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

13. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

14. There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

15. They were too close to the door to close it.

16. The buck does funny things when the does are present.

17. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

18. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

19. The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

20. After a number of injections my jaw got number.

21. Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on. English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn't a race at all). That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

Men vs. Women: How They Talk

Top 10 Rejection Lines Given by Women

I think of you as a brother.
(You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in "Deliverance")

There's a slight difference in our ages.
(You are one Jurassic geezer.)

I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way
(You are the ugliest dork I've ever laid eyes upon)

My life is too complicate right now.
(I don't want you spending the whole night or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys I'm seeing)

I've got a boyfriend
(who's really my male cat and a half gallon of Ben & Jerry's)

I don't date men where I work
(Hey bud, I wouldn't even date you if you were in the same solar system, much less the same building)

It's not you, it's me
(It's not me, it's you)

I'm concentrating on my career
(Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.)

I'm celibate.
(I've sworn off *only* the men like you.)

.....and the #1 rejection line given by women (and what it actually means)

Let's be friends.
(I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail about all the other men I meet and have sex with; it's that 'male perspective' thing)

Top 10 Rejection Lines Given by Men

I think of you as a sister
(You're ugly)

There's a slight difference in our ages
(You're ugly)

I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way
(You're ugly)

My life is too complicated right now.
(You're ugly)

I've got a girlfriend
(You're ugly)

I don't date women where I work
(You're ugly)

It's not you, it's me
(You're ugly)

I'm concentrating on my career
(You're ugly)

I'm celibate
(You're ugly)

.....and the #1 rejection line given by men (and what it actually means)

Let's be Friends
(You're SINFULLY ugly!)

The last thing...
The last 10 things any woman would ever say

Could our relationship be more physical? I'm tired of just being friends.

Go ahead and leave the seat up, it's easier for me to douche that way.

I think hairy butts are really sexy.

Hey, get a whiff of that one.

Please don't throw that old t-shirt away, the holes in the armpit are just too cute.

This diamond is way too big.

I won't even put my lips on that thing unless I get to swallow.

Wow, it really is 14 inches!

Does this make my butt look too small?

I'm wrong, you must be right again.


The last 10 things any man would ever say

I think Barry Manilow is one cool motherfucker.
While I am up, can I get you a beer?
I think hairy butts are really sexy.
Her tits are just too big.
Sometimes I just want to be held.
That chick on "Murder, She Wrote" gives me a woody.
Sure I'd love to wear a condom.
We haven't been to the mall for ages, let's go shopping and I can hold your purse.
Fuck Monday Night Football, let's watch Murphy Brown.
I think we are lost, we better pull over and ask directions.

Why Men Are Happy

What do you expect from such simple creatures?

Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

Chocolate is just another snack.

You can never be pregnant.

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.

You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

The world is your urinal.

You never to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

Wrinkles add character.

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

One mood all the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

You know stuff about tanks.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

You can open all your own jars.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

You almost never have strap problems in public.

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

Everything on your face stays its original color.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life.

Your belly usually hides your big hips.

One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons.

You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.

You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

Abraham Lincoln and John Kennedy

Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.


Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.

The names Lincoln and Kennedy each contain seven letters.

Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.

Both their wives lost their children while living in the White House.

Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.

Both were shot in the head.

Both were shot in the presence of their wives.

The Secretary of each President warned them not to go to the theater and to Dallas, respectively.

Lincoln's Secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's Secretary was named Lincoln.

Both were assassinated by Southerners.

Both were succeeded by Southerners.

Both successors were named Johnson.

Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was boun in 1908.

John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.

Both assassins were known by their three names.

Both names have 15 letters.

Booth ran from the theater and was captured in a warehouse.
Oswald ran from the warehouse and was captured in a theater.


To cap it all off, Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.

Map of USA as seen by a New Yorker

20 Things I Might Do To Ruin My High School Reunion

1. Bring a couple vacuums and try to sell them to people while they mingle.


2. Always introduce myself by saying the last time that person called me a faggot. “Hey…Eric? It’s Chris! You last called me a faggot in AP Psych! Good to see you!!!”

3. Show up soaking wet and refuse to address it or acknowledge that I am.

4. Constantly apologize to everyone I see for vague, horrific things I said about them in high school. “I was young, I was dumb. The things I said about your face, personality and family were among the most disgusting things a person could say about someone, and I’m so sorry. Can we just let the past be the past? Hug?”.

5. Set up a paper-mache station and let people make life-size replicas of what they want to look like in another ten years, but then constantly tell them they’re doing it wrong.

6. Ask every single person I talk to if they want to watch a web video I made a couple years ago on my phone. Then ask to use theirs because I’m weird about people and my phone, I don’t want anyone stealing it.

7. Stand in the back, alone, and teach myself how to juggle all night.

8. Every time someone comes up to say hi, cut them off with, “Can we PLEASE not do this tonight? PLEASE?! Can we just be adults? That’s all Im asking.”

9. Constantly bring up that I thought there was going to be a pool.

10. Stand up and give a ten-minute speech on bravery with really confusingly prevalent African American/slavery metaphors.

11. Drink from a giant glass of milk all night.

12. Keep bringing up the great work I’m doing on Twitter. “I’m really proud of some of the things I’m doing on there, you gotta check it out. It’s been really good for me.”

13. Bring a dunk tank.

14. Go up to a guy and embarrassingly admit that right after high school, I got his name tattooed above my right nipple, then show him and ask if he’ll pose for a picture with it. If he’s uncomfortable, just keep reminding him that at least we can laugh about this for the rest of our lives. Also tell him it would be fun to take the same picture every reunion and see how his name begins to droop and sag around my areola.

15. Show up with an enormous wound on my neck.

16. Every time someone introduces themselves, say, “Oh my god! Yes! I think I remember you. Were you the girl that was such a complete fucking trainwreck all four years!?”.

17. Keep trying to get people to move the reunion over to Water World.

18. Bring ingredients to make my own tacos and then laboriously make myself dinner all night.

19. Constantly make vague references to complicated litigation I’m involved in that’s ruining my life.

20. Not go.

Physics of Santa Claus

This is an example of physics majors with way too much time on their hands...

1) No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.

2) There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle most Muslim, Hindu, and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.

3) Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house.

Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75-1/2 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc.

This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man- made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second - a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.

4) The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see point #1) could pull TEN TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload - not even counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison, this is four times the weight of the cruise ship Queen Elizabeth II.

5) 353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as a spacecraft reentering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to acceleration forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.

In conclusion - If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now.

I Need A Push

A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!"

He slams the door and returns to bed.

"Who was that?" asked his wife.

"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.

"Did you help him?" she asks.

"No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!"

"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself! God loves drunk people too."

The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.

He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"

"Yes," comes back the answer.

"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.

"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.

"Where are you?" asks the husband.

"Over here on the swing set," replied the drunk.

Condescending Phrases

Some useful phrases to use as an Evil Overlord as given by Steve Meredith.

Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't care.

I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?

I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

No, my powers can only be used for good.

How about never? Is never good for you?

I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.

You sound reasonable...Time to up my medication.

I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.

I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

Who me? I just wander from room to room.

My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys!

It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.

At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.

You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.

Why Parents get Gray Hair

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an
urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the
employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered,
"Hello?"

Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster
the boss asked, "Is your Daddy home?"

"Yes", whispered the small voice.

"May I talk with him?" the man asked.

To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No."

Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"

"Yes", came the answer. "May I talk with her?"

Again the small voice whispered, "No".

Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home
alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person
who should be there watching over the child. "Is there anyone there
besides you?", the boss asked the child.

"Yes" whispered the child, "A policeman."

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss
asked, "May I speak with the policeman"?

"No, he's busy", whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?, asked the boss.

"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," came the whispered
answer.

Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a
helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked, "What is
that noise?"

"A hello-copper", answered the whispering voice.

"What is going on there?", asked the boss, now alarmed.

In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just
landed the hello-copper."

Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated the boss
asked, "Why are they there"?

Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle,
"They're looking for me!"

21 Thoughts to Get You Through Almost Any Crisis

1. Indecision is the key to flexibility.

2. There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.

3. Happiness is merely the remission of pain.

4. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

5. The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.

6. The careful application of terror is also a form of communication.

7. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.

8. Things are more like they are today than they have ever been before.

9. Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for.

10. Everything should be made as simple as possible but no simpler.

11. Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

12. I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.

13. Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.

14. If you think that there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.

15. All things being equal, fat people use more soap.

16. If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

17. One-seventh of your life is spent on Mondays.

18. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

19. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

21. Never wrestle with a pig. You both get dirty and the pig likes it.

College

WHY YOUR PARENTS WANTED YOU TO GO TO COLLEGE

If you think your parent(s) sent you to college because they care about you - think again...

Your parent(s) sent you to college for only one reason.

To get you out of the house.

Face facts, at this point in your parents' life they see you as an obnoxious, arrogant, lying, drunk, dope fiend! A reminder to them that they should have used birth control. Do you think Mom and Dad, or Mom and her new 'boyfriend' Ramon want you lying around the house (a) telling them that they are lousy parent(s), (b) eating all the food in the refrigerator and (c) whining that you need money so you can buy Playstation 3!? Of course not. In their opinion, even though college costs a fortune and will turn you into a drug addicted, Karl Marx spouting robot, it's worth every penny just to be rid of you for a few months!

THE THIRTEENTH GRADE

Saying college is the thirteenth grade is an insult to the thirteenth grade. College is actually more like re-taking ninth grade and paying attention. Be honest (at least with yourself), college nowadays is just an excuse to do nothing for four years (which we are completely for). It has become a motley assortment of make-believe majors and self-righteous idiocy. It is a mental hospital staffed by insane, enraged, wimpy, loser, ex-hippie, baby boomers who could never face the real world themselves. Most of these 'Professors' were college students who in 1972, with the ending of the Vietnam War (and the protesting they so loved), found they had to find some way to make a living without doing anything. These baby boomers couldn't actually stand up to the rigors of 'real' college (which used to be hard - and we mean 'really, really' hard - which of course is why so few people used to get in). Nor were they willing to get a real job. So what they did is protest for more 'socially relevant' courses (i.e. lame-ass courses) so that they could get a degree while stoned (again, we aren't actually against this). Eventually they found a way to get a PhD/Masters in these newly created, obscure, pointless fields so they could then teach you their stupid 'discipline' and get tenured (salaried for life for doing nothing). Which leads us to today where you now pay an institution close to $20,000.00 (repeat: twenty thousand dollars!) a year to teach you something that you could learn from a $10.00 book, stoned, and/or drunk, in your spare time.

COLLEGES - Which ones are better?

Here is a simple test. Is your school an Ivy League school?

If you said 'yes,' you are in luck! You might actually parley this into money! Most people will be impressed that you were able to get into a good school and might be stupid enough to hire you. Unless, that is, you got a BFA, in which case your answer should now be changed to a 'no'.

If your answer was "no": Forget it, you are in the realm of the generic "any school." No one is impressed at all - unless maybe the person hiring you also went to that school. In which case it might help - but then (if they went there) they will know what a sad, pathetic school it is, and will probably not hire you anyway!

A COLLEGE DEGREE TRANSLATOR

An accurate breakdown of what your degree really means.

B.S. (Bachelor of Science) - Actually, this is a real degree, and guarantees some sort of work, somewhere. Note: this is true so long as you didn't study something like environmental engineering or agriculture...

RESUMÉ VALUE: An actual degree! Will open doors. You are actually not a loser!

B.A. (Bachelor of Arts) - You have insignificant knowledge and vague general suppositions about obscure authors with half-baked ideas, conjured up by losers. This is the ultimate nebulous, non-degree. It literally means that you know nothing.

RESUMÉ VALUE: Just slightly better than getting a B.A. from a community college.

B.F.A. (Bachelor of Fine Arts) - You are more than likely permanently damaged as a human being. A BFA actually guarantees that you cannot ever get a high paying job. Ever.

RESUMÉ VALUE: It would probably be better not mention you got this degree, not if you want a job, that is.

WHY GO TO COLLEGE

This is a valid point. What is the real reason? To learn? No. If you are motivated to learn you do not need college for this. There are more than enough resources, libraries, the Internet, etc. Learning is about you wanting to know something. This is not a talent that can be taught. You either have the desire to learn - or you don't. There are many successful people who never went to college. In fact most highly successful people didn't go there. So don't fool yourself. Besides, within a few months of graduating you will have forgotten what little you crammed into your head all those nights you took crystal-meth and stayed up to study for finals.

THE ACTUAL REASON TO GO TO COLLEGE

When you boil it down the only point of going to college are a) to party, and b) to get away from parent(s).

If you are honest and realize why you went to college, good for you. Though it is a huge waste of money, it really doesn't matter. As long as you aren't paying for it... who the f*ck cares!

PROFESSORS

"Those who can do. Those who can't... teach!"

That is why your professors are on your campus teaching, because they failed the real test, which is being successful in the real world. Because they have lived in or around colleges for most of their lives they have built up vast stores of theoretical knowledge of how the real world works. The ultimate truth is that theoretical knowledge is just that - theoretical - and on the whole, almost completely incorrect.

To learn from people like this is dangerous. This is really not a joke. It literally takes years of your life (and we speak from experience) to get their stupid, disturbing ideas out of your head so that you can even begin to succeed at life. Which means you are virtually guaranteed to be screwed until the age of thirty-five.

Let us make an additional comment about teachers. For the past few years the "media" has started b*tching about how 'undervalued' teachers are. This is utter bullsh*t that comes from the publicity arm of the teachers' unions. In our opinion teachers are so overpaid for what they do it is criminal.

WHAT YOU ACTUALLY LEARN IN COLLEGE

(or BRAINWASHING 101)

When you are taught by failures, who have effectively failed in the world, what are they likely to teach you? Certainly not what works. What they teach you is what they know, and what they know is how to do it all wrong. Therefore you are learning what they know all too well - which is how to fail.

Never doubt the ignorance of your Professor. This is a person who will stop at nothing to infect you with all the wrong attitudes and ideas. Notice also that they can't stand successful people out in the real world. They call those people who succeed evil, or ignorant (a popular tool in more academic arguments), or bourgeois or imperialistic, etc. etc. ad infinitum, when it is they themselves who are truly the dull-witted ones.

This having been said - be careful! Disagreeing with these people can be very dangerous. They are incredibly vindictive (like the losers they are) and will reduce your grades or even get you kicked out of school for not agreeing with them. They will also do other childish things such as ridicule you in front of class, shun you, and tell other professors that you have a bad attitude, which will make it hard for you to pass any other courses. Just know that they are miserably unaware of how things truly work. Look at them in front of you and truly know them for the failures that they are. Hopefully they will not damage you and you can at least get on with your life! If you want that degree for you resumé, listen enough to pass the course, don't believe any of it, and keep your mouth shut!

FINAL THOUGHTS

Here's the low-down: stay in school simply for your resumé. Or don't go at all! Just lie and say you went to college somewhere in Montana (note: most companies don't check your college information anyway, mainly because what you learned was useless to your job anyway - also, they usually don't have the time to do it). NOTE: do not lie if you are getting a high paying or security job, or a job with the military.

Anyway, have a good time, try not to die, take some useful courses (accounting, finance, basic law) and don't become brainwashed. If you listen to this advice you will have a good life, and be miles ahead of almost every other college educated retard out there.

WHAT YOU COULD HAVE DONE WITH THE MONEY

20,000/year x 4 years = 80,000. If you spent some time doing some real research and put your college money in one semi-decent stock you could expect a 30% compounded return over 10 years. This could end up as a final total of $1,102,867.93 by the time you were 28 years old! (Note: if this amount of money had been invested in Microsoft back in 1987 you would have made $42 Million dollars by 1997.) Instead you will give the money to a bunch of feeble lunatics who will actually brainwash you with all the ideas that lead to failure so that you end up, out of desperation, working at a job you hate and paying off student loans until you are 35 years old.###

This article originally appeared on blurofinsanity.com.