1. Indecision is the key to flexibility.
2. There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.
3. Happiness is merely the remission of pain.
4. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
5. The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.
6. The careful application of terror is also a form of communication.
7. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
8. Things are more like they are today than they have ever been before.
9. Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for.
10. Everything should be made as simple as possible but no simpler.
11. Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
12. I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.
13. Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.
14. If you think that there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
15. All things being equal, fat people use more soap.
16. If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
17. One-seventh of your life is spent on Mondays.
18. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
19. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
21. Never wrestle with a pig. You both get dirty and the pig likes it.
Sunday, November 24, 2013
Sunday, November 17, 2013
College
WHY YOUR PARENTS WANTED YOU TO GO TO COLLEGE
If you think your parent(s) sent you to college because they care about you - think again...
Your parent(s) sent you to college for only one reason.
To get you out of the house.
Face facts, at this point in your parents' life they see you as an obnoxious, arrogant, lying, drunk, dope fiend! A reminder to them that they should have used birth control. Do you think Mom and Dad, or Mom and her new 'boyfriend' Ramon want you lying around the house (a) telling them that they are lousy parent(s), (b) eating all the food in the refrigerator and (c) whining that you need money so you can buy Playstation 3!? Of course not. In their opinion, even though college costs a fortune and will turn you into a drug addicted, Karl Marx spouting robot, it's worth every penny just to be rid of you for a few months!
THE THIRTEENTH GRADE
Saying college is the thirteenth grade is an insult to the thirteenth grade. College is actually more like re-taking ninth grade and paying attention. Be honest (at least with yourself), college nowadays is just an excuse to do nothing for four years (which we are completely for). It has become a motley assortment of make-believe majors and self-righteous idiocy. It is a mental hospital staffed by insane, enraged, wimpy, loser, ex-hippie, baby boomers who could never face the real world themselves. Most of these 'Professors' were college students who in 1972, with the ending of the Vietnam War (and the protesting they so loved), found they had to find some way to make a living without doing anything. These baby boomers couldn't actually stand up to the rigors of 'real' college (which used to be hard - and we mean 'really, really' hard - which of course is why so few people used to get in). Nor were they willing to get a real job. So what they did is protest for more 'socially relevant' courses (i.e. lame-ass courses) so that they could get a degree while stoned (again, we aren't actually against this). Eventually they found a way to get a PhD/Masters in these newly created, obscure, pointless fields so they could then teach you their stupid 'discipline' and get tenured (salaried for life for doing nothing). Which leads us to today where you now pay an institution close to $20,000.00 (repeat: twenty thousand dollars!) a year to teach you something that you could learn from a $10.00 book, stoned, and/or drunk, in your spare time.
COLLEGES - Which ones are better?
Here is a simple test. Is your school an Ivy League school?
If you said 'yes,' you are in luck! You might actually parley this into money! Most people will be impressed that you were able to get into a good school and might be stupid enough to hire you. Unless, that is, you got a BFA, in which case your answer should now be changed to a 'no'.
If your answer was "no": Forget it, you are in the realm of the generic "any school." No one is impressed at all - unless maybe the person hiring you also went to that school. In which case it might help - but then (if they went there) they will know what a sad, pathetic school it is, and will probably not hire you anyway!
A COLLEGE DEGREE TRANSLATOR
An accurate breakdown of what your degree really means.
B.S. (Bachelor of Science) - Actually, this is a real degree, and guarantees some sort of work, somewhere. Note: this is true so long as you didn't study something like environmental engineering or agriculture...
RESUMÉ VALUE: An actual degree! Will open doors. You are actually not a loser!
B.A. (Bachelor of Arts) - You have insignificant knowledge and vague general suppositions about obscure authors with half-baked ideas, conjured up by losers. This is the ultimate nebulous, non-degree. It literally means that you know nothing.
RESUMÉ VALUE: Just slightly better than getting a B.A. from a community college.
B.F.A. (Bachelor of Fine Arts) - You are more than likely permanently damaged as a human being. A BFA actually guarantees that you cannot ever get a high paying job. Ever.
RESUMÉ VALUE: It would probably be better not mention you got this degree, not if you want a job, that is.
WHY GO TO COLLEGE
This is a valid point. What is the real reason? To learn? No. If you are motivated to learn you do not need college for this. There are more than enough resources, libraries, the Internet, etc. Learning is about you wanting to know something. This is not a talent that can be taught. You either have the desire to learn - or you don't. There are many successful people who never went to college. In fact most highly successful people didn't go there. So don't fool yourself. Besides, within a few months of graduating you will have forgotten what little you crammed into your head all those nights you took crystal-meth and stayed up to study for finals.
THE ACTUAL REASON TO GO TO COLLEGE
When you boil it down the only point of going to college are a) to party, and b) to get away from parent(s).
If you are honest and realize why you went to college, good for you. Though it is a huge waste of money, it really doesn't matter. As long as you aren't paying for it... who the f*ck cares!
PROFESSORS
"Those who can do. Those who can't... teach!"
That is why your professors are on your campus teaching, because they failed the real test, which is being successful in the real world. Because they have lived in or around colleges for most of their lives they have built up vast stores of theoretical knowledge of how the real world works. The ultimate truth is that theoretical knowledge is just that - theoretical - and on the whole, almost completely incorrect.
To learn from people like this is dangerous. This is really not a joke. It literally takes years of your life (and we speak from experience) to get their stupid, disturbing ideas out of your head so that you can even begin to succeed at life. Which means you are virtually guaranteed to be screwed until the age of thirty-five.
Let us make an additional comment about teachers. For the past few years the "media" has started b*tching about how 'undervalued' teachers are. This is utter bullsh*t that comes from the publicity arm of the teachers' unions. In our opinion teachers are so overpaid for what they do it is criminal.
WHAT YOU ACTUALLY LEARN IN COLLEGE
(or BRAINWASHING 101)
When you are taught by failures, who have effectively failed in the world, what are they likely to teach you? Certainly not what works. What they teach you is what they know, and what they know is how to do it all wrong. Therefore you are learning what they know all too well - which is how to fail.
Never doubt the ignorance of your Professor. This is a person who will stop at nothing to infect you with all the wrong attitudes and ideas. Notice also that they can't stand successful people out in the real world. They call those people who succeed evil, or ignorant (a popular tool in more academic arguments), or bourgeois or imperialistic, etc. etc. ad infinitum, when it is they themselves who are truly the dull-witted ones.
This having been said - be careful! Disagreeing with these people can be very dangerous. They are incredibly vindictive (like the losers they are) and will reduce your grades or even get you kicked out of school for not agreeing with them. They will also do other childish things such as ridicule you in front of class, shun you, and tell other professors that you have a bad attitude, which will make it hard for you to pass any other courses. Just know that they are miserably unaware of how things truly work. Look at them in front of you and truly know them for the failures that they are. Hopefully they will not damage you and you can at least get on with your life! If you want that degree for you resumé, listen enough to pass the course, don't believe any of it, and keep your mouth shut!
FINAL THOUGHTS
Here's the low-down: stay in school simply for your resumé. Or don't go at all! Just lie and say you went to college somewhere in Montana (note: most companies don't check your college information anyway, mainly because what you learned was useless to your job anyway - also, they usually don't have the time to do it). NOTE: do not lie if you are getting a high paying or security job, or a job with the military.
Anyway, have a good time, try not to die, take some useful courses (accounting, finance, basic law) and don't become brainwashed. If you listen to this advice you will have a good life, and be miles ahead of almost every other college educated retard out there.
WHAT YOU COULD HAVE DONE WITH THE MONEY
20,000/year x 4 years = 80,000. If you spent some time doing some real research and put your college money in one semi-decent stock you could expect a 30% compounded return over 10 years. This could end up as a final total of $1,102,867.93 by the time you were 28 years old! (Note: if this amount of money had been invested in Microsoft back in 1987 you would have made $42 Million dollars by 1997.) Instead you will give the money to a bunch of feeble lunatics who will actually brainwash you with all the ideas that lead to failure so that you end up, out of desperation, working at a job you hate and paying off student loans until you are 35 years old.###
This article originally appeared on blurofinsanity.com.
If you think your parent(s) sent you to college because they care about you - think again...
Your parent(s) sent you to college for only one reason.
To get you out of the house.
Face facts, at this point in your parents' life they see you as an obnoxious, arrogant, lying, drunk, dope fiend! A reminder to them that they should have used birth control. Do you think Mom and Dad, or Mom and her new 'boyfriend' Ramon want you lying around the house (a) telling them that they are lousy parent(s), (b) eating all the food in the refrigerator and (c) whining that you need money so you can buy Playstation 3!? Of course not. In their opinion, even though college costs a fortune and will turn you into a drug addicted, Karl Marx spouting robot, it's worth every penny just to be rid of you for a few months!
THE THIRTEENTH GRADE
Saying college is the thirteenth grade is an insult to the thirteenth grade. College is actually more like re-taking ninth grade and paying attention. Be honest (at least with yourself), college nowadays is just an excuse to do nothing for four years (which we are completely for). It has become a motley assortment of make-believe majors and self-righteous idiocy. It is a mental hospital staffed by insane, enraged, wimpy, loser, ex-hippie, baby boomers who could never face the real world themselves. Most of these 'Professors' were college students who in 1972, with the ending of the Vietnam War (and the protesting they so loved), found they had to find some way to make a living without doing anything. These baby boomers couldn't actually stand up to the rigors of 'real' college (which used to be hard - and we mean 'really, really' hard - which of course is why so few people used to get in). Nor were they willing to get a real job. So what they did is protest for more 'socially relevant' courses (i.e. lame-ass courses) so that they could get a degree while stoned (again, we aren't actually against this). Eventually they found a way to get a PhD/Masters in these newly created, obscure, pointless fields so they could then teach you their stupid 'discipline' and get tenured (salaried for life for doing nothing). Which leads us to today where you now pay an institution close to $20,000.00 (repeat: twenty thousand dollars!) a year to teach you something that you could learn from a $10.00 book, stoned, and/or drunk, in your spare time.
COLLEGES - Which ones are better?
Here is a simple test. Is your school an Ivy League school?
If you said 'yes,' you are in luck! You might actually parley this into money! Most people will be impressed that you were able to get into a good school and might be stupid enough to hire you. Unless, that is, you got a BFA, in which case your answer should now be changed to a 'no'.
If your answer was "no": Forget it, you are in the realm of the generic "any school." No one is impressed at all - unless maybe the person hiring you also went to that school. In which case it might help - but then (if they went there) they will know what a sad, pathetic school it is, and will probably not hire you anyway!
A COLLEGE DEGREE TRANSLATOR
An accurate breakdown of what your degree really means.
B.S. (Bachelor of Science) - Actually, this is a real degree, and guarantees some sort of work, somewhere. Note: this is true so long as you didn't study something like environmental engineering or agriculture...
RESUMÉ VALUE: An actual degree! Will open doors. You are actually not a loser!
B.A. (Bachelor of Arts) - You have insignificant knowledge and vague general suppositions about obscure authors with half-baked ideas, conjured up by losers. This is the ultimate nebulous, non-degree. It literally means that you know nothing.
RESUMÉ VALUE: Just slightly better than getting a B.A. from a community college.
B.F.A. (Bachelor of Fine Arts) - You are more than likely permanently damaged as a human being. A BFA actually guarantees that you cannot ever get a high paying job. Ever.
RESUMÉ VALUE: It would probably be better not mention you got this degree, not if you want a job, that is.
WHY GO TO COLLEGE
This is a valid point. What is the real reason? To learn? No. If you are motivated to learn you do not need college for this. There are more than enough resources, libraries, the Internet, etc. Learning is about you wanting to know something. This is not a talent that can be taught. You either have the desire to learn - or you don't. There are many successful people who never went to college. In fact most highly successful people didn't go there. So don't fool yourself. Besides, within a few months of graduating you will have forgotten what little you crammed into your head all those nights you took crystal-meth and stayed up to study for finals.
THE ACTUAL REASON TO GO TO COLLEGE
When you boil it down the only point of going to college are a) to party, and b) to get away from parent(s).
If you are honest and realize why you went to college, good for you. Though it is a huge waste of money, it really doesn't matter. As long as you aren't paying for it... who the f*ck cares!
PROFESSORS
"Those who can do. Those who can't... teach!"
That is why your professors are on your campus teaching, because they failed the real test, which is being successful in the real world. Because they have lived in or around colleges for most of their lives they have built up vast stores of theoretical knowledge of how the real world works. The ultimate truth is that theoretical knowledge is just that - theoretical - and on the whole, almost completely incorrect.
To learn from people like this is dangerous. This is really not a joke. It literally takes years of your life (and we speak from experience) to get their stupid, disturbing ideas out of your head so that you can even begin to succeed at life. Which means you are virtually guaranteed to be screwed until the age of thirty-five.
Let us make an additional comment about teachers. For the past few years the "media" has started b*tching about how 'undervalued' teachers are. This is utter bullsh*t that comes from the publicity arm of the teachers' unions. In our opinion teachers are so overpaid for what they do it is criminal.
WHAT YOU ACTUALLY LEARN IN COLLEGE
(or BRAINWASHING 101)
When you are taught by failures, who have effectively failed in the world, what are they likely to teach you? Certainly not what works. What they teach you is what they know, and what they know is how to do it all wrong. Therefore you are learning what they know all too well - which is how to fail.
Never doubt the ignorance of your Professor. This is a person who will stop at nothing to infect you with all the wrong attitudes and ideas. Notice also that they can't stand successful people out in the real world. They call those people who succeed evil, or ignorant (a popular tool in more academic arguments), or bourgeois or imperialistic, etc. etc. ad infinitum, when it is they themselves who are truly the dull-witted ones.
This having been said - be careful! Disagreeing with these people can be very dangerous. They are incredibly vindictive (like the losers they are) and will reduce your grades or even get you kicked out of school for not agreeing with them. They will also do other childish things such as ridicule you in front of class, shun you, and tell other professors that you have a bad attitude, which will make it hard for you to pass any other courses. Just know that they are miserably unaware of how things truly work. Look at them in front of you and truly know them for the failures that they are. Hopefully they will not damage you and you can at least get on with your life! If you want that degree for you resumé, listen enough to pass the course, don't believe any of it, and keep your mouth shut!
FINAL THOUGHTS
Here's the low-down: stay in school simply for your resumé. Or don't go at all! Just lie and say you went to college somewhere in Montana (note: most companies don't check your college information anyway, mainly because what you learned was useless to your job anyway - also, they usually don't have the time to do it). NOTE: do not lie if you are getting a high paying or security job, or a job with the military.
Anyway, have a good time, try not to die, take some useful courses (accounting, finance, basic law) and don't become brainwashed. If you listen to this advice you will have a good life, and be miles ahead of almost every other college educated retard out there.
WHAT YOU COULD HAVE DONE WITH THE MONEY
20,000/year x 4 years = 80,000. If you spent some time doing some real research and put your college money in one semi-decent stock you could expect a 30% compounded return over 10 years. This could end up as a final total of $1,102,867.93 by the time you were 28 years old! (Note: if this amount of money had been invested in Microsoft back in 1987 you would have made $42 Million dollars by 1997.) Instead you will give the money to a bunch of feeble lunatics who will actually brainwash you with all the ideas that lead to failure so that you end up, out of desperation, working at a job you hate and paying off student loans until you are 35 years old.###
This article originally appeared on blurofinsanity.com.
Sunday, November 10, 2013
The English Language
There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple or pine in pineapple. And while no one knows what is in a hotdog, you can be pretty sure it isn't canine.
English muffins were not invented in England nor French fries in France.
Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, two meese? Is cheese the plural of choose? One mouse, 2 mice. One louse, 2 lice. One house, 2 hice?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Why do people recite at a play, and play at a recital? Ship by truck or car and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
How can the weather be hot as heck one day and cold as heck another? When a house burns up, it burns down. You fill in a form by filling it out and an alarm clock goes off by going on. You get in and out of a car, yet you get on and off a bus. When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up an essay, I end it?
English is a silly language ... it doesn't know if it is coming or going !!!
English muffins were not invented in England nor French fries in France.
Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, two meese? Is cheese the plural of choose? One mouse, 2 mice. One louse, 2 lice. One house, 2 hice?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Why do people recite at a play, and play at a recital? Ship by truck or car and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
How can the weather be hot as heck one day and cold as heck another? When a house burns up, it burns down. You fill in a form by filling it out and an alarm clock goes off by going on. You get in and out of a car, yet you get on and off a bus. When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up an essay, I end it?
English is a silly language ... it doesn't know if it is coming or going !!!
Sunday, November 3, 2013
Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
Peanuts are one of the ingredients in dynamite.
There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.
The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.
A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.
There are more chickens than people in the world.
Two thirds of the world's eggplant is grown in New Jersey.
The longest one syllable word in the English language is "screeched."
All of the clocks in the movie "Pulp Fiction" are stuck on 4:20.
No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.
"Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt".
All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5 bill.
Almonds are a member of the peach family.
Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.
Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.
There are only four words in the English language which end in "dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.
Los Angeles' full name is "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula"
A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.
In most advertisements, the time displayed on a watch is 10:10.
Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.
The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street were named after Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra's "It's a Wonderful Life."
A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.
A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.
It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open. (DON'T try this at home)!
The giant squid has the largest eyes in the world.
In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak.
The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.
Mr. Rogers is an ordained minister.
The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.
There are 336 dimples on a regular golf ball.
Peanuts are one of the ingredients in dynamite.
There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.
The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.
A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.
There are more chickens than people in the world.
Two thirds of the world's eggplant is grown in New Jersey.
The longest one syllable word in the English language is "screeched."
All of the clocks in the movie "Pulp Fiction" are stuck on 4:20.
No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.
"Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt".
All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5 bill.
Almonds are a member of the peach family.
Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.
Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.
There are only four words in the English language which end in "dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.
Los Angeles' full name is "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula"
A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.
In most advertisements, the time displayed on a watch is 10:10.
Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.
The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street were named after Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra's "It's a Wonderful Life."
A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.
A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.
It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open. (DON'T try this at home)!
The giant squid has the largest eyes in the world.
In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak.
The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.
Mr. Rogers is an ordained minister.
The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.
There are 336 dimples on a regular golf ball.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)