Men vs. Women: How They Talk

Top 10 Rejection Lines Given by Women

I think of you as a brother.
(You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in "Deliverance")

There's a slight difference in our ages.
(You are one Jurassic geezer.)

I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way
(You are the ugliest dork I've ever laid eyes upon)

My life is too complicate right now.
(I don't want you spending the whole night or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys I'm seeing)

I've got a boyfriend
(who's really my male cat and a half gallon of Ben & Jerry's)

I don't date men where I work
(Hey bud, I wouldn't even date you if you were in the same solar system, much less the same building)

It's not you, it's me
(It's not me, it's you)

I'm concentrating on my career
(Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.)

I'm celibate.
(I've sworn off *only* the men like you.)

.....and the #1 rejection line given by women (and what it actually means)

Let's be friends.
(I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail about all the other men I meet and have sex with; it's that 'male perspective' thing)

Top 10 Rejection Lines Given by Men

I think of you as a sister
(You're ugly)

There's a slight difference in our ages
(You're ugly)

I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way
(You're ugly)

My life is too complicated right now.
(You're ugly)

I've got a girlfriend
(You're ugly)

I don't date women where I work
(You're ugly)

It's not you, it's me
(You're ugly)

I'm concentrating on my career
(You're ugly)

I'm celibate
(You're ugly)

.....and the #1 rejection line given by men (and what it actually means)

Let's be Friends
(You're SINFULLY ugly!)

The last thing...
The last 10 things any woman would ever say

Could our relationship be more physical? I'm tired of just being friends.

Go ahead and leave the seat up, it's easier for me to douche that way.

I think hairy butts are really sexy.

Hey, get a whiff of that one.

Please don't throw that old t-shirt away, the holes in the armpit are just too cute.

This diamond is way too big.

I won't even put my lips on that thing unless I get to swallow.

Wow, it really is 14 inches!

Does this make my butt look too small?

I'm wrong, you must be right again.


The last 10 things any man would ever say

I think Barry Manilow is one cool motherfucker.
While I am up, can I get you a beer?
I think hairy butts are really sexy.
Her tits are just too big.
Sometimes I just want to be held.
That chick on "Murder, She Wrote" gives me a woody.
Sure I'd love to wear a condom.
We haven't been to the mall for ages, let's go shopping and I can hold your purse.
Fuck Monday Night Football, let's watch Murphy Brown.
I think we are lost, we better pull over and ask directions.

Why Men Are Happy

What do you expect from such simple creatures?

Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

Chocolate is just another snack.

You can never be pregnant.

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.

You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

The world is your urinal.

You never to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

Wrinkles add character.

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

One mood all the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

You know stuff about tanks.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

You can open all your own jars.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

You almost never have strap problems in public.

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

Everything on your face stays its original color.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life.

Your belly usually hides your big hips.

One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons.

You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.

You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

Abraham Lincoln and John Kennedy

Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.


Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.

The names Lincoln and Kennedy each contain seven letters.

Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.

Both their wives lost their children while living in the White House.

Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.

Both were shot in the head.

Both were shot in the presence of their wives.

The Secretary of each President warned them not to go to the theater and to Dallas, respectively.

Lincoln's Secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's Secretary was named Lincoln.

Both were assassinated by Southerners.

Both were succeeded by Southerners.

Both successors were named Johnson.

Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was boun in 1908.

John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.

Both assassins were known by their three names.

Both names have 15 letters.

Booth ran from the theater and was captured in a warehouse.
Oswald ran from the warehouse and was captured in a theater.


To cap it all off, Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.

Map of USA as seen by a New Yorker